The ‘V’ Connect – Part 2

Once inside, I felt very, very inferior. I must have been the youngest ‘entrepreneur’ in the room and I quickly made for one of the back seats. I was sure not to copy the others in exchanging pleasantries and business introductions because I had not yet made up my mind on what to actually say.

“Good morning everyone!” the forum moderator, a mature man of about 36 years of age, began to commence the program. “You all are most welcome to this honourable event. Today, we will be achieving much more than just enlightening you on how you can make your business grow. We will, more importantly, be enabling you establish vital connections amongst yourselves to achieve good networking, which, of course, is imperative for the attainment of business goals and objectives.

This forum is designed to be interactive in nature so please feel free to share ideas, opinions and anything you like to promote your business. I now wish to call on our first instructor who will be sharing with us, the importance of internet marketing. Please, give a welcoming round of applause to our team leader, Miss Kehinde!”

“A Miss huh? Mmm….Nice!” I thought to myself.

The claps that followed were more than welcoming. They were fucking deafening and I couldn’t help but get irritated at the strange enthusiasm which the old folks displayed in welcoming a bloody instructor. I mean, who the fuck was she that these people couldn’t fucking control themselves but become a collective nuisance with their loud-as-fuck claps? Did these fools even realise this bitch was way younger than their fucking selves???

The ‘forum-famous’ Miss Kehinde finally waltzed into the room and rather than feel disgust, my jaw dropped. I swallowed my thoughts upon realising that the Forum Instructor was none other than the hottie who attended to me earlier. I melted in the overbearing lust that consumed me as she flashed a bright, white smile at her audience before speaking.

“Good morning everyone! It feels so good to have you all here. I want you to know that this will be a thoroughly interactive session as I speak about how much your respective businesses require online presence. You see, the internet ??? &%$$£”&^%???..........’Miss K’ lost me after that introduction, trust me. All I could think about while she gave her lecture was “Mayne! This is one sexy fine-ass hoe. I sure wish I could have a one-on-one, up close and personal ‘interactive session’ with her. Oh the pleasure I would feel having her speak to me about the internet while on her knees! I would certainly put her on a secure web connection with ‘Mr. P’ surfing in and out of her. Oh the way I would please that pussy! Oh the way…….”

A gentle push on my shoulder snapped me back into consciousness. I turned to my right to identify my attacker and possibly met out appropriate verbal punishment, only to come face-to-face with a man old enough to be my father. With a chin fully covered in grey beard, the agbada-wearing forum participant asked me “Young man, are you going to give the young lady a response?

“Huh?” I said weakly. I was confused as fuck as to what this old nigga was talking about. “I beg your pardon sir?”

“She just asked you to mention some of the social networks available on the internet through which one can grow one’s customers” old nigga explained to me.

I tried to maximise the following few seconds to regain my full composure when Miss Kehinde decided to put me out of my misery….I mean, she really did put me out of my misery.

“Sir, would you be so kind to step up here and help enlighten everyone about the benefits of social networking to businesses? I’m sure you can share a thing or two about it since you handle your business on the internet.” Miss K had a different smile on her face now….. She tried to fake it but I recognised the evil smile of mockery.”

“Uh..uhm…” But the audience did not even give me a chance to tell whatever lie I was trying so hard to come up with. Some fool from the crowd quickly jumped in – “Come on people! Let’s encourage the young man!” and another round of applause followed, making my cheeks flush and legs wobble as I stood up to walk over where Miss K. was still beaming her sheepish smile.

As soon as I got to the front of the room, the little scheming bitch quickly took a seat close to me and folded her arms, waiting for me to help her achieve her diabolical plan of causing me unnecessary embarrassment. I gave her a quick look of thick contempt before accepting the microphone from her.

“Er…Good morning everyone. Em…er…you see there are several social networking sites for…..” but Miss K. interrupted. “Oh do please start by introducing yourself and your business before you take us on the topic, will you? Afterall, this is supposed to be an interactive session and the audience would certainly like to know who the person addressing them is and the kind of business owned. Chants of “Yes! Yes!” and “That’s right!” rented the air and I knew I was fucked. Hot blood rushed through my veins and I considered giving Miss K. an uppercut for a brief second. However, I quickly put my brain to the task and ended up surprising myself.

“Okay, good morning once again everyone. My name is Taofeek and I own an online enterprise called That Bloody Pervert” The hall was soundless for a brief moment like we were suddenly observing a minute silence for a deceased participant but brief murmuring was soon to follow and I wasted no time in driving my point home….while the bitch’s smile had turned into a grin by now of course.

“You see, unlike many of you here who are esteemed product-offering business persons, I am in the service industry. I own and manage a blog, which I use to provide entertainment to a targeted audience consisting wholly of adults. A blog is simply an online journal used to pass information on a specific topic to a selected group of people and my journal, which I very much regard as an online magazine, is designed to provide strictly adult entertainment to willing readers. In this regard, social networking is indeed relevant to my business because……” but rude Miss K. didn’t let me go on. She interrupted me by saying “Sorry to cut in but could you enlighten all of us on the exact kind of adult entertainment you provide? I believe some of us here may be lost on that”.

I would have easily ignored her and continued my speech but one midget-looking man shouted from the back of the hall “Yeah! Some of us don’t understand what you mean by adult entertainment. Do you operate a porn site?” Miss K. chuckled at this question but I remained cool, calm and collected.

“Not at all! At least not in the real sense of it” I tried to explain. “The kind of information I pass on my blog, aka online journal, aka online magazine has to do with stories featuring sexual content. I entertain adults by telling stories that not only contain sex but humour and music. I try to stand out from an already existing crowd of sex bloggers by being creative enough to liven up sexual stories with bits of humour and music for maximum entertainment. Though my blog contains advertisements on sex products, such are meant to appeal to my target readers and help them connect easily with preferred dealers, just like what we are trying to achieve here. We all know it makes no sense if a business does not put in concerted efforts to clearly identify itself and appeal to its target consumers, right?”

“Yes! Yes!”, “That’s true!” and “Mmmm” were the reactions that greeted my speech now and I had my confidence restored. Miss K. by now couldn’t believe what had just happened in the room till another participant shouted “You have spoken well young man. Do kindly tell us about the social networking sites then?” I smiled, watching Miss K’s smile turn into sheer surprise.

In the next three minutes that followed, I lectured the audience on using the likes of Auracool Online, Facebook, Twitter, Stumble Upon, Linked In, and Nairaland to promote a business on the web and shared how I use the social networking sites in attracting both readership and followership to my blog. When I was done, another thunderous applause was given to usher me back to my seat but I didn’t mind the noise this time around, knowing fully well that it was Miss K’s turn to find it both deafening and annoying……………………………………………..(To be continued)