The ‘V’ Connect – Part 3 (The Toilet Abuse)

Whilst the whole room applauded my wicked brilliance, I strolled back towards my seat. However, nature came hollering halfway there and I suddenly felt the need to leak out some pee. I walked past my seat to one of the young male ushers who was leaning on the wall and ‘fingering’ his ‘chinko’ phone.

“Excuse me. Please which way to the rest room?” I asked him

“Oh! Just go out and use the first door by your right. You can’t miss it” he politely responded.

I said my courteous “Thank you” and left the room just as I heard ‘mocked Miss K’ pick up the microphone to address everyone again….lolz

Locating the door with the sign that read ‘Gents’, just like the kind usher said, was as easy as fuck. I knocked on the door, asking “anyone in there?” to confirm there was no one peeing or taking a shit inside but no response came. After the second knock, I cared less and gently pushed the door open to go inside.

I was thoroughly impressed with what I saw. The whole place was neat as fuck and both the water closet and wash sink were shiny white. There was a sparkling bulb on the ceiling that switched colours from yellow to orange and I felt like I could take my time and allow ‘Mr. P’ relieve himself slowly. Just when I thought I had taken in everything beautiful about this restroom, I suddenly went gaga.

“A push flush button??? WOW!” I quickly used it and the sound of water that came rushing inside the toilet bowl sounded like sweet music to my ears. “Oh well, I don’t wanna have them other folks thinking I’ve bailed out on them so soon” I quickly unzipped my fly and brought out ‘Mr. P’ to catch his own view of our beautiful environment and savour the leaking moment.

It took only a couple of seconds for ‘Mr. P’ to handle his business and just when I had put him back inside and was about to use the zipper, an intruder invaded ‘our’ privacy.

“Hmmn….I knew I’d find you here. Are you through?” It was the same sheepish smile that played out on the lips of Miss K.

“Ahn-ahn! Don’t you think this is rather rude? This is the Gents you know? And you didn’t even deem it proper to knock.”

She chuckled. “That’s because I chose not to, Mr. Pervert (in sarcastic pronunciation). I wanted to see the beautiful look of shock on your face” she was backing the door and leaning against the toilet door now as if trying to make sure that no one would ever come in or get out.

“Is that so? Well, you’ve had your view. Are you satisfied now? I thought you were by now, picking on another participant?” I wanted to let her know that I caught-in on her earlier little game of mockery before dismissing her…..If I could that is.

She chuckled again. “Yes I was but I missed your face. *smiling mischievously now* And er….as for being satisfied, not quite!” She was rubbing her palms together now and her stare had suddenly left my face for my crotch.

“Huh? You’re not satisfied? *faking a confused expression* What other look do you want to see again? Please, this is the Gents and I don’t want any trouble”. I said with a straight face. Damn! Did this bitch want what I was thinking??? I guess I would find out, I thought to myself.

Miss K. went ‘straight to her point’ and dropped on her knees right in front of me. In a very sexy voice, she said “I want to see what a perverted cock looks like dear. I want to know what a perverted cock tastes like too….. and if you’ll oblige me, I’d like to know exactly how a perverted cock feeeeels as well”. She rolled her tongue as she said “Feel” and Mr. P. ‘heard’ her and ‘came alive’ instantly.

“Gosh! A teenie-weenie part of me wanted to fake a struggle but I knew I had earlier daydreamed of this….of a one-on-one session with the nerd and I just couldn’t give Miss K any reason to change her mind now. I was so fucking turned on and I simply let her be as she unzipped me and pulled down my pants violently before doing the same to my under-shorts and coming face-to-face with already swollen and stiff Mr. P.

“Oooh! So this is what a perverted cock looks like? Mmmn….Long and cute. Me like!” My kneeling bitch exclaimed.

Baby, say hello to my lil’ friend, Mr. ooooohhhhh!” Miss K interrupted my introduction with sweet pleasure as she put some moist warmth on my shaft. My nerves relaxed totally as I leaned forward slightly to allow her go beyond my dick cap. I needed to feel that wet warmth on the rest of me. My body ached so badly for it.

Miss K. appeared to be a gentle slut. She teased and sucked my shaft slowly and gently before proceeding to lick my whole length and suck it as well. As she did that, she kept looking up at me to confirm that I was enjoying it and I didn’t disappoint her by responding with moans.

“Oh yes! That’s right baby. Do it to me…Oooh!” I moaned. Miss K was quite generous with saliva and she used some of it in bathing my dick in her sweet watery mouth. Soon, she increased her sucking speed and tried to take off her spectacles.

“Oh no! Please don’t” I begged her.

She gave a real smile this time around and left them on. I had never had my dick sucked by a spectacle-wearing bitch before and gaining my first experience was something I couldn’t just miss out on.

“You like nerds huh?” she asked after oiling my cock with some more sticky spit.

“Awww….Yesssss!” I responded with a slight shiver at her nodding skill. “I do”

“Okay then. No problem” and she kept the licking and sucking going for a while longer before getting back on her feet to face me with a saliva-splattered mouth.

“I want your perverted cock inside me now” she said and quickly made for the water closet. She lifted her skirt high enough for me to see her sexy pink pantie and bent her back to rest her palms on the water tank with her legs spread across the toilet seat.

“Come do me baby” she beckoned and I took off her underwear with immediate alacrity before removing a condom from my wallet and dressing up Mr. P.

“Oh shit!” the feeling had gone from warm to hot now. Inside her felt so fucking good and her cunt was tight as fuck. “Damn gurl!” I exclaimed as I slid in and out of her sweetness from the back. “This pussy gooooooodd!”

“Oh yes!...oh yes!! Your dick *bated breath* feels *more bathed breath* good too. Awww…..sweeet yessss!!!”

I sensed Miss K. was really digging Mr. P when she suddenly raised one leg and placed it on the toilet seat. Her other leg was by now vibrating from the pleasure and I cherished that sight. I kept shoving my long black cock inside that pussy and soon she was covering her mouth with one hand so that “Ooooh” and “Aww yess!!” became “Uuummmm” and “Aummpphhhrrr eeesiiiissss”.

Mayne, I was having a ball inside Miss K and was perfectly glad to be having my fantasy fulfilled. Soon though, Miss K’s leg on the toilet seat began wobbling fast too and she took her hand off her mouth to say “Oh shit! I..I…I’m c..co..com..coming!!!

Boy, did she come real good! She arched her back some more and pushed the cute toilet-flush button as she ejaculated sweet stuff on me. I pulled myself out of her and took my latex off.

“Woah!” That was awesome” she said turning to face me as the sound of rushing water greeted us.

“I’m glad you liked it” I said and attempted rinsing Mr. P in the wash sink but Miss K stopped me.

“One good turn deserves another boy” she said to me as she quickly grabbed my cock again. You deserve to come yourself, you know?”

“Oh really? Fine then!” I responded.

Miss K took my cock in her mouth a second time and I was reminded of just how much I enjoyed being sucked by a nerd. As I had my arms folded perfectly behind my head, she took me completely in her mouth and I went crazy. After her third gag, I spilled some cum in her mouth, on her face, and oh yeah….on HER GLASSES!

We cleaned up afterwards and left the ‘abused’ toilet to join the others in the hall. Just before we walked in, Miss K. said to me “Please remind me to give you my card before you leave, okay?”

I nodded calmly in response. I definitely had to connect with that vagina again!

Boning and Pinging? WTF!!!

DAMN!!! Some niggas are just UNBELIEVABLE! I mean mayne, this shit be like CRAZY. Just when I used to hold the opinion that them hoes be mean and wicked as fuck for making them brothas feel bad about sex, it fucking turns out that them niggas have now gotten even and successfully flipped the script on these bitches.

Anyway, I really can’t blame ‘em. Technology is that shit right thurr that has really messed up the beautiful essence and meaning of sex. Sex which used to be a very pleasurable and enjoyable act of intimacy has now been reduced to nothing but triviality, all thanks to advancement, invention and innovation…..SMH

Regardless of this shit though, I’m gonna keep it real and take sex seriously. I’m sure there are peeps out there who are very much like me and respect its essence and I hope that these are the folks I’ll be messing with in the future. I just can’t stand peeps who fail to regard sex as a beautiful and committed art.

Enough blabbing already huh??? I know you think I’m yapping my mouth off right about now, but read on and you’ll get a clearer picture of what I’m saying.

You see, I very much dislike the fact that technology has made sex seem so boring, banal and trivial to many. Many peeps out there don’t recognise the sensual power within it and fail to appreciate its lovely art. This is probably why many married folks cannot boast of happy sex lives and others only use sex as a tool, strictly for procreation. Shit is even more pitiable that some bitches have never achieved orgasm and will never get to experience what it means to be in ‘Cloud 9’. Damn! This shit deep as fuck and I’m greatly touched. I mean, imagine what it would be like for a man to never ‘come’ in his lifetime….never to have a taste of heaven, grunt “Urgh!” and climax by spurting out a gob of cum. Mayne…that’s some fucked up shit right thurr.

However, I know that behind every issue lies a history. On the real, I gat no beef whatsoever with the white man or his inventions but I think his technology came with some real fucked-up shortcomings. In this case, I wanna express myself and point out just how technology affects sex…..I mean GOOD SEX.

In 1440, some white brother named Gutenberg invented PRINTING and that bitch produced a whole lotta babies that hoes used in showing their displeasure against good sex. When some nigga be trying his best to please a bitch by beating up that pussy real good, that bitch would choose the wrong time to embrace technology and pick up a newspaper, magazine or novel to read in her attempt to communicate to her nigga that he either wasn’t hitting the spot or his dick was just too fucking small to make her feel shit. You see how technology became a barrier to good sex? Shiddddd!

In 1876, another white brother named Graham Bell decided to add a little more frustration to good sex and invented the TELEPHONE. Though this kinda made booty calls possible, it ended up fucking-up REAL and enjoyable shagging because some folks soon abandoned real-time pleasurable boning for…wait for it….PHONE SEX! WTF!!! I really can’t imagine how any nigga or hoe would be satisfied with plain phone-sex. Though I’ve been made to understand that one could actually cum by touching him/herself during dirty, sexual talk over the phone but I think that shit is all messed-up.

AND NOW!!! My fresh beef lies with RIM/BlackBerry. Since PINGING was introduced in 1999 by the gang behind Research In Motion, sex took on a whole new meaning and became a different ball game entirely. Pinging succeeded in making sex much more complicated and complex. Now I know people now combine pinging with a lot of stuff like eating, taking a shit, reading etc but what the fuck is pinging DURING SEX???

I hung out with my hommies for a little while today and while we gossiped about gurls, them idiots suddenly brought up pinging during sex. Mayne, I swear…that shit burned me. As in, I was fucking irritated.

The fools even went as far as narrating how they ping during sex and I felt like punching all of ‘em on their noses. This is what actually went down…………….

ME: Guys, na wa o! See that chick for there wey dey waka kon dey ping. If she kon fall inside gutter nko?

1ST FOOL: Ahn-ahn! Na lie joor! How she go take fall nau? Na something wey people dey do wella. No be biggie at all o! Na normal thing.

ME: Ehen? Na normal thing abi? Okay o! I just pray make motor nor go jam the geh o!

2nd FOOL: Jam ke? Nothing fit happen. BB users nowadays dey combine pinging with many things like walking, eating, reading, shitting (laughs)…er………

ME: Fucking too abi? Person dey combine pinging with fucking abi? (I laugh)

(My hommies pause at this comment to look at one another, shake their heads and burst into laughter)

ME: Ahn-ahn! What’s funny now?

3rd FOOL: See this guy o! That one na normal thing nau! I dey fuck chick dey ping join o! Nothing dey there nau!

1st FOOL: Abi? Wetin be the big deal if person ping while im dey fuck. Me, I dey do am wella. I dey even like doggy position because e no go allow the chick wey I dey blow from back know say I dey use my phone dey chat.

ME: WHAT DA FUCK!!! Shey una dey play abi una dey serious???

2nd FOOL: Guy, open ya eye o! Na so e dey go. Me sef dey ping untop woman naa! Na normal thing these days. Even chicks dey do am too.

ME: Lord! I swear, I never hear dis shit before. Pinging during doggy? Pinging during my favourite position?? Pinging during sex??? How then do you guys enjoy the sex?

THE 3 FOOLS TOGETHER: Enjoy what??? (Shake their heads again and roar loudly in another round of laughter)

(I leave them with disgust, pity and surprise and head for the hostel where my laptop awaits in my room.)

I Want to Screw You Boo

This post was completely inspired by P. Square and May D. I’m a big fan of theirs and I must confess that I’m a little saddened by the fact that May D. is no longer signed on to Square Records. I’ve always felt they were awesome together but I’m sure the twins have their reasons for wanting to dance “Alingo” without the sweet “Soundtrack” of the gifted fella. In any case, I do hope that differences will be reconciled soon so that they can go back to a happy “Ile Ijo” “Forever”.

Now, this is a short story about me, a chick, and a song. Enjoy………………………………..

One time, I met her
I saw her at Shitta
I wanted to meet her
But there was another chick with her
Could have been her sister
But her titties were bigger
I felt those oranges would be sweeter
And Mr. P started to ‘’Ginger’
He wanted to ‘Prick’ her
So I walked up to meet her
Not minding the one who was with her
I turned into a singer
And hoped my lyrics would please her

I sang……………………

Gurl, I like your senrenre
I know you’ll like my senrenre
Join bodi na senrenre
I’m ready, I’m ready gurl!

Gurl gimme your punrenre
I’ll give you my penrenre
Join bodi na senrenre
I’m ready, I’M READY GURL!!!

Gurl, please try to know me and know me well
I’d like to know you too
Please try to know me and do me well
I’d like to know you too…do you too…screw you boo
Oya follow me !!!

(When I was done singing, my ‘Toastee’ gave her companion a quick glance, scrunched up her face and handed me a DIRTY SLAP.)

THE END

My Twitter Issues

*Smile* Hey you! What’s good? Errthang right? Cool! I’m doing just fine on this end myself.

*Sigh* Aaight mayne! There ain’t no use lying. I’m kinda down. Some tweeps just got me emotional by unfollowing me and I don’t get why. I mean, why would they even bother following me on twitter in the first place, knowing fully well that they couldn’t tolerate me - That Bloody Pervert??? Shit don’t make sense!

Even when I went under the aliases of ‘Fisifomo’ and ‘Pussylanimous’ I made it quite clear on my profiles that I was with ‘Team Perv’. Both my regular tweets and favourites even attest to this so I think it’s rather callous of tweeps to take advantage of my pledge to ‘always follow back’ and deceive me. They just follow me at random first and then stylishly unfollow after I must have reciprocated. Now that ain’t fair.

What even makes me feel worse is knowing that a certain ‘sleek’ someone who tolerated me as a newbie on twitter suddenly betrayed me like the others. Her good ‘Unfaded’ friend, whom I’ve never met but was more like my ‘Stweetster’ – ‘Tweet Sister’ and who used to support me and encourage tweeps to retweet my tweets is also nowhere to be found….*sobs*

Now, you might say I’m taking Twitter too seriously. You might say having tweet buddies ain’t like having real friends. I disagree! I believe that my tweet buddies will someday become my real friends simply because we have SOMETHING in common – We appreciate dirty talk!

Twitter in my modest opinion is all about making online friends and establishing a network; a network that can help you grow in your personal or business life. We all need friends you know? That’s a fact of life.

Anyway, I guess I could say I’ve learnt my lesson. What is important however is that I need REAL friends now. I need a network of true perverts who will stick with me through thick and thin and read my blog and have me read theirs so that we can improve on our writing skills and share constructive criticisms. This is simply why I unsubscribed from the ‘20followers.com’ service. It didn’t make sense that an application was forcing friends on me and vice-versa. I think those behind it got the whole idea of followership wrong. Friendship is meant to be made, not bought or forced.

*SMH*…Right now, I am undecided as to whether to review my follow back policy or not. NO! I think I know what to do now. I would easily have said I will no longer do follow backs but that would be plain senseless and arrogant of me. Oh how much I detest arrogance! The truth of the matter really is that I can’t make friends nor build a network of perverts if I don’t follow and have tweeps follow me back.

So this is now what I’m gonna do – I will still follow first, tweeps whose handles and tweets catch my fancy. In my recent usual practice too, I won’t request for follow backs nor will I, any longer, disturb their timelines with my perverted replies. What I’m gonna do however is this – If you do ‘feel’ me enough to follow FIRST, please don’t expect a follow back till you send to me “Follow back. I’m TeamPerv”. You don’t even need to add “Please” or “Kindly”. Once I see “TeamPerv”, be rest assured that I’ll follow back (And hope that you don’t ditch me later, of course).

You may think I’m trying to raise my shoulders in pride by saying this. Nope! Far from it. Besides, that doesn’t even count because I don’t have as many followers to be doing something as stupid as such. All I’m simply trying to do now is to make not just the ‘right kind’ of friends, but achieve GENUINE friendship on Twitter.

Okay then! Enough said. I’ll go now and drink my beloved stout in memory of my ‘Ex-Tweeps’. Oh! By the way, I hope you’ve realised that I now go by the sobriquet of Dr. Cockintush on Twitter? Cool huh? I decided to create a character who would administer ‘Mr. Peniscillin’ on them needy hoes. It means ‘Cock-in-Tush’. Gerrit? I’m sure you do.

Aaite then! Gotta go!………………TeamPerv for life !!!

The ‘V’ Connect – Part 2

Once inside, I felt very, very inferior. I must have been the youngest ‘entrepreneur’ in the room and I quickly made for one of the back seats. I was sure not to copy the others in exchanging pleasantries and business introductions because I had not yet made up my mind on what to actually say.

“Good morning everyone!” the forum moderator, a mature man of about 36 years of age, began to commence the program. “You all are most welcome to this honourable event. Today, we will be achieving much more than just enlightening you on how you can make your business grow. We will, more importantly, be enabling you establish vital connections amongst yourselves to achieve good networking, which, of course, is imperative for the attainment of business goals and objectives.

This forum is designed to be interactive in nature so please feel free to share ideas, opinions and anything you like to promote your business. I now wish to call on our first instructor who will be sharing with us, the importance of internet marketing. Please, give a welcoming round of applause to our team leader, Miss Kehinde!”

“A Miss huh? Mmm….Nice!” I thought to myself.

The claps that followed were more than welcoming. They were fucking deafening and I couldn’t help but get irritated at the strange enthusiasm which the old folks displayed in welcoming a bloody instructor. I mean, who the fuck was she that these people couldn’t fucking control themselves but become a collective nuisance with their loud-as-fuck claps? Did these fools even realise this bitch was way younger than their fucking selves???

The ‘forum-famous’ Miss Kehinde finally waltzed into the room and rather than feel disgust, my jaw dropped. I swallowed my thoughts upon realising that the Forum Instructor was none other than the hottie who attended to me earlier. I melted in the overbearing lust that consumed me as she flashed a bright, white smile at her audience before speaking.

“Good morning everyone! It feels so good to have you all here. I want you to know that this will be a thoroughly interactive session as I speak about how much your respective businesses require online presence. You see, the internet ??? &%$$£”&^%???..........’Miss K’ lost me after that introduction, trust me. All I could think about while she gave her lecture was “Mayne! This is one sexy fine-ass hoe. I sure wish I could have a one-on-one, up close and personal ‘interactive session’ with her. Oh the pleasure I would feel having her speak to me about the internet while on her knees! I would certainly put her on a secure web connection with ‘Mr. P’ surfing in and out of her. Oh the way I would please that pussy! Oh the way…….”

A gentle push on my shoulder snapped me back into consciousness. I turned to my right to identify my attacker and possibly met out appropriate verbal punishment, only to come face-to-face with a man old enough to be my father. With a chin fully covered in grey beard, the agbada-wearing forum participant asked me “Young man, are you going to give the young lady a response?

“Huh?” I said weakly. I was confused as fuck as to what this old nigga was talking about. “I beg your pardon sir?”

“She just asked you to mention some of the social networks available on the internet through which one can grow one’s customers” old nigga explained to me.

I tried to maximise the following few seconds to regain my full composure when Miss Kehinde decided to put me out of my misery….I mean, she really did put me out of my misery.

“Sir, would you be so kind to step up here and help enlighten everyone about the benefits of social networking to businesses? I’m sure you can share a thing or two about it since you handle your business on the internet.” Miss K had a different smile on her face now….. She tried to fake it but I recognised the evil smile of mockery.”

“Uh..uhm…” But the audience did not even give me a chance to tell whatever lie I was trying so hard to come up with. Some fool from the crowd quickly jumped in – “Come on people! Let’s encourage the young man!” and another round of applause followed, making my cheeks flush and legs wobble as I stood up to walk over where Miss K. was still beaming her sheepish smile.

As soon as I got to the front of the room, the little scheming bitch quickly took a seat close to me and folded her arms, waiting for me to help her achieve her diabolical plan of causing me unnecessary embarrassment. I gave her a quick look of thick contempt before accepting the microphone from her.

“Er…Good morning everyone. Em…er…you see there are several social networking sites for…..” but Miss K. interrupted. “Oh do please start by introducing yourself and your business before you take us on the topic, will you? Afterall, this is supposed to be an interactive session and the audience would certainly like to know who the person addressing them is and the kind of business owned. Chants of “Yes! Yes!” and “That’s right!” rented the air and I knew I was fucked. Hot blood rushed through my veins and I considered giving Miss K. an uppercut for a brief second. However, I quickly put my brain to the task and ended up surprising myself.

“Okay, good morning once again everyone. My name is Taofeek and I own an online enterprise called That Bloody Pervert” The hall was soundless for a brief moment like we were suddenly observing a minute silence for a deceased participant but brief murmuring was soon to follow and I wasted no time in driving my point home….while the bitch’s smile had turned into a grin by now of course.

“You see, unlike many of you here who are esteemed product-offering business persons, I am in the service industry. I own and manage a blog, which I use to provide entertainment to a targeted audience consisting wholly of adults. A blog is simply an online journal used to pass information on a specific topic to a selected group of people and my journal, which I very much regard as an online magazine, is designed to provide strictly adult entertainment to willing readers. In this regard, social networking is indeed relevant to my business because……” but rude Miss K. didn’t let me go on. She interrupted me by saying “Sorry to cut in but could you enlighten all of us on the exact kind of adult entertainment you provide? I believe some of us here may be lost on that”.

I would have easily ignored her and continued my speech but one midget-looking man shouted from the back of the hall “Yeah! Some of us don’t understand what you mean by adult entertainment. Do you operate a porn site?” Miss K. chuckled at this question but I remained cool, calm and collected.

“Not at all! At least not in the real sense of it” I tried to explain. “The kind of information I pass on my blog, aka online journal, aka online magazine has to do with stories featuring sexual content. I entertain adults by telling stories that not only contain sex but humour and music. I try to stand out from an already existing crowd of sex bloggers by being creative enough to liven up sexual stories with bits of humour and music for maximum entertainment. Though my blog contains advertisements on sex products, such are meant to appeal to my target readers and help them connect easily with preferred dealers, just like what we are trying to achieve here. We all know it makes no sense if a business does not put in concerted efforts to clearly identify itself and appeal to its target consumers, right?”

“Yes! Yes!”, “That’s true!” and “Mmmm” were the reactions that greeted my speech now and I had my confidence restored. Miss K. by now couldn’t believe what had just happened in the room till another participant shouted “You have spoken well young man. Do kindly tell us about the social networking sites then?” I smiled, watching Miss K’s smile turn into sheer surprise.

In the next three minutes that followed, I lectured the audience on using the likes of Auracool Online, Facebook, Twitter, Stumble Upon, Linked In, and Nairaland to promote a business on the web and shared how I use the social networking sites in attracting both readership and followership to my blog. When I was done, another thunderous applause was given to usher me back to my seat but I didn’t mind the noise this time around, knowing fully well that it was Miss K’s turn to find it both deafening and annoying……………………………………………..(To be continued)

The ‘V’ Connect

Hi you! How are you doing? I sure hope your weekend is making sense? As for me, I’ve been having madt and crazy fun since yesterday drinking, clubbing and humping. As a matter of fact, my regular ‘Friday fuck’ will be showing up again real soon. She called to say she’s bored and wants ‘some company’. We both know what she means right? Mayne, she just can’t get enough of this dick I tell ya…lolz.

So I guess my day is gonna end so fucking nicely. I see you curling up your lips to give that scornful smile. Yeah I caught that! You better don’t hate but appreciate. Afterall, it ain’t a crime to have a fun-filled weekend, is it? *tongue out*. Anyway, while I’m expecting some fine black-ass pussy, do allow me share this interesting ‘cock’ tale that happened to me last Thursday.

You see, I sort of registered my blog on a popular Nigerian search engine that starts with a ‘V’ and does so well in ‘connecting’ businesses with customers, early this month. It’s either I was fucking high as usual when I did it or I did it because the registration was completely free. I’m not even really sure because as I write this, I’m still quite high on stout.

In any case, I totally forgot about the fact that I registered my blog on that platform until I was sent an e-mail invitation last Wednesday to attend a ‘Business Forum’ the following day on how to promote one’s business on the internet. All I had to do was register for free to attend and curiosity got the better of me, so I registered. Upon completing the quick registration process, I got a registration confirmation and a seat reservation in the name of ‘That Bloody Pervert’. You go fear formality naa!...lolz

Anyway, I wasn’t sure afterwards if those behind the forum expected someone like my very self to attend. I mean, I believed that such a forum was meant for real business people who offered tangible and meaningful goods to customers and who wanted to boost their profits. Moreover, those offering services would also have real services like dry-cleaning, security, event-decoration and all that kinda shit. I wasn’t sure if blogging about sex was a service in the real sense of it but I concluded that I would go, not to actually promote my blog (which I guessed many attendees would frown at) but to learn a thing or two about generally promoting one’s business in cyberspace.

The following day came and I tried to look as responsible as possible by wearing a shirt, tie and pants on nice shoes. Don’t get it twisted though. It ain’t like I ain’t proud of who I am or what I am. I only chose to respect the ‘formal’ nature of the occasion.

I arrived Premier Hotel, the venue for the forum 30 minutes later than the specified time and met a fairly-large crowd queuing to have their passes verified before being allowed into the hall. The crowd was a corporate one indeed, with very mature-looking men and women carrying suitcases and business flyers about. I realised I took nothing with me besides a pen and for a quick second, wondered if I should turn back and save myself some impending embarrassment. However, my strong perverted spirit encouraged me and I found myself ‘checking-in’ after a very short while.

“Em…That Bloody Pervert. Am I correct?” The young lady who attended to me asked with some doubt in her voice and on her face.

“Indeed!” I responded trying to sound as formal and corporate as possible.

“Er..Pardon me but please what’s the nature of your business?” she asked again.

“I’m er..er…actually in the service industry. I provide entertainment to a selected target audience you see?” I tried to sound as confident as I could but feared my story wouldn’t make the sale.

“Well em..yeah”. she said studying me carefully. “Okay then! You are most welcome.” I could tell that she wasn’t convinced but she continued anyway – “Kindly go through that door and make the most of the program. It’s designed to be highly interactive and help business people connect with both their kind and prospective customers. Happy connecting!”

All through the time this bitch spoke to me, I couldn’t help but notice how sexually attractive I found her. She was fair in complexion and a bit shorter than I was. Her weave-on looked expensive and complimented her smooth and oval-shaped face. She had hazel eyes and a nose as slim as her red-coloured lips. Though she looked simple and plain like her colleagues in her company-branded polo top, she stood out with the big pointy boobies that made her top swell. The black skirt which she wore was equally puffed-up with some big firm buttocks that struggled to set themselves free from the tight linen covering. Her legs were straight and spotless, tagging along with the fine red heels that she had on but what really got me lusting after this bitch was the nice pair of glasses that she had on. It gave her that nerdy-freak look and I loved it. The spectacles glittered from time to time from the flicker of a fluorescent tube above us and I found myself responding below with ‘Mr. Peniscillin giving her a salute.

As soon as I heard the “Happy connecting” part, I knew I had taken-in enough of her for the time-being. A longer stare and I would certainly have wet myself with precum. “Thank you very much” I said to her with a smile before leaving the queue for the hall’s entrance………………………………………… (To be continued)

Sex is Overrated and Easily Avoidable??? Gosh!!!

Hi. Sure hope you had a good day. Mine actually started off quite well but I’m afraid it might not end on the same note. I fear I’ll be doing lots of thinking tonight before I sleep. Gosh! Am I so special a human being? Am I so unique that I now tend to be a ‘weirdo’? Are there truly others like me???

I just left a flatmate’s room and the company of four hostel buddies. Before I actually visited, I was just about getting ready to draft my story on how I had sex with a forum instructor in the restroom of a hotel today but I feel that can wait till next time. It really should wait because tonight, I just need to get some thoughts off my mind.

Like I said, I had already turned on my laptop and was thinking of how best to begin the story when one of my hostel buddies, a livewire fellow, came into my room to borrow a spoon and more importantly, ask me an amusing question, which created the reason for my writing this. After taking the spoon from my cutlery chest, ‘Livewire’ said to me “Bros, kon hear wetin ‘Tallie’ yarn o! Im say since the beginning of this year, im never fuck. You believe am?”

“Ahn-ahn! Shey im dey wind you ni? Im never fuck at all this year? How dat one take happen nau? With dat im luger? (this dude’s dick is actually huge and mean-looking like a German semi-automatic pistol). Abegi joor! Even if im never fuck, at least im go don wank die” I said.

‘Livewire’ then shocked me by adding “Ehen! Na wetin me sef tell am but im insist say im never wank before too”.

At this I was both amazed and curious. Amazed that a young man WHO ISN’T A VIRGIN had not had sex for close to eight months and has never ‘helped himself’ EVER. I mean, this is the same guy who a girl on our street has been trying so hard to seduce by greeting him more often than necessary and shaking her ‘nyash’ extra hard each time they are through exchanging pleasantries and she leaves his company, knowing he can still see her walking away. She even just recently, gave him a big bottle of palm-oil to cook beans that we ate yesterday morning for free when all he really asked for was a small tin cup of it. I remain certain that once this bitch feels my guy’s ‘Luger’, she would be hooked and do her best to see to it that she keeps ‘getting shot’. I keep telling him too to notice these signs and quickly ‘give’ her what she ‘wants’ before she stops being all nice and friendly with him but the motherfucker never listens to me.

Then, I was also curious as to how exactly the ‘No fucking/wanking’ stunt was possible and my curiosity prompted me to go with ‘Livewire’ to ‘Tallie’s’ room.

On getting there, I met ‘Tallie’, ‘Free’ and ‘Rapstar’ arguing about Real Madrid and Barcelona and quickly changed the topic as soon as I walked in. Adding myself and ‘Livewire’ made us a total of five persons in the room.

ME: (Speaking to Tallie) Ngbo, na true say you never fuck this year?

TALLIE: I know say Livewire go run come tell you. Im leg no dey gree stay one place.

ME: I know but no be dat one carry me come. Im also yarn say you never wank for your life before. Abeg na true???

TALLIE: Yes nau! Na true o! I never wank for my life and I no fit do am. Aspa fucking, I know say you no go believe me but na true.

ME: Chai! How…how you take manage that kain tin. When no be say you never taste sex before. Abi konji nor dey worry you?

RAPSTAR: (Cutting in).. E dey very possible guy. You no know say sex na state of the mind? E dey very possible make person go without sex for years sef.

TALLIE: Yes nau! Very true. The truth be say, sex no just dey freak me. No be big deal.

RAPSTAR: Yes o! I believe sex is just overrated. Na mind state mehn!

ME: Come o! Shey una serious with wetin una dey even talk sef?

LIVEWIRE: (Speaking to me) Boss, no mind them o! Dem dey lie big time. As you see them so, dem go be hardcore ‘wankstars’….(laughs)

ME: Omo mehn! Me I nor understand o! I can’t even imagine going without sex for a month. I wan die be that.

FREE: Ehn! Na because you too like toto nau! Some guys like me no too like pussy like dat.

ME: Ehn! I know but dat one no mean say make person no mount toto or lamba for close to eight fucking months.

RAPSTAR: Mehn! Sex is just both exaggerated and overrated. It’s not a big deal.

TALLIE: I agree. There was indeed a time when I used to like sex so much. All that changed when after each time I disturbed my girlfriend for sex and she reluctantly gave it to me, she would ask me afterwards in a sarcastic manner “Are you satisfied now?” Each time she said that, I got a little depressed and kept convincing myself never to ask her for sex again until she herself wanted it. In time, I came to regard sex as nothing. Sex is nothing.

LIVEWIRE: (Speaking to Tallie) So, because your babe dey ask you “Are you satisfied?” that one kon mean say make you dey bone sex? Chai! Guy you no well. Infact, e be like say you no dey lamba the girl well, because if to say you dey gun am down with that your ‘luger’, dem for nor born am well to dey ask dat kain foolish question. (Turning to me) Abi bros, I lie?

ME: Omo, me I nor understand o! Una just dey confuse me. Even if I wan talk say I nor wan disturb my girlfriend for sex, at least I suppose help myself nau!

RAPSTAR: That’s you mayne! Not everyone is comfortable with that. Not everyone likes to touch himself. The truth is, sex is just overrated.

ME: Why do you keep saying that. Anyone who believes that obviously has never had great, exhilarating sex.

LIVEWIRE: Bros, tell them o! These ones never fuck better pussy before. Me sef, even if I say I no wan nack toto, I must wank. How I no go do either of the two? You wan make sperm full my bodi ni?

FREE: That one no fit happen. Virgins nko? Why you think say men dey get wet dreams? Na to allow excess sperm commot for person bodi nau!

RAPSTAR: (Addressing FREE) Guy, correct! Na so! Bottom line be say, all na state of mind. Even freaks, with the right mind state go fit go without sex for a full year.

(Confusion sets in and everyone shouts in argument)

ME: (Shouts) MEN! I NO LEAVE UNA O! I WAN GO BLOG ABOUT DIS YARNINGS

(I take my exit and return to my room. My lappy, already on standby)

Call it 'My Hoe Game'

(P.S – I wrote this in a nigga state of mind)

Sup hoe? It’s a beautiful day ain’t it? Yeah hoe! I see you nodding your head the same way you be nodding ma nigguhs errday…lol

Anyway, you should know that I’m gonna be getting ma dick sucked from one of yo’ friends today. Yep! Fo’sho! I woke up some minutes ago to a text message from her saying “Morning baby. Did you sleep well? I do hope you’ve missed me? Anyway, I’ll be visiting my sister in Ibadan today and I hope you’ll be available. I need some of that shit….lol”

Hahaha! Ya feel me? Shit is certainly gonna go down today. Now… I know you a hoe but I just wanna let you know I dig ma hoe for real. You know why? ‘Cos each time we fuck, head is always on the menu…hehehehe….And fuck it! Best believe I’m talking about some REAL head…the sloppy type with a mouthful of spit and some gagging, not the boring kind some o’yall hoes be giving ma hommies out there.

Anyway, after reading that text, a funny-as-fuck thought creeped into ma head. You know how that shit go, right? Well, I plan on playing a game with her when she gets here and I thought “Shiddd…why don’t I share and teach you something you could try with them brothas?”

Okay! Here it goes, but mind you, you gotta be obedient and do just as I say. You copy? Let’s do this shit!

If you happy and you know, come to me
If you happy and you know, come to me
If you happy and you know, and you really wanna show
If you happy and you know, come to me

If you happy and you know, on your knees
If you happy and you know, on your knees
If you happy and you know, and you really wanna show
If you happy and you know, on your knees

Now if you happy and you know, hoe say “Aaahhhh!”
If you happy and you know, hoe say “Aaahhh!”
If you happy and you know, and you really wanna show
If you happy and you know, HOE SAY “AAAHHHHH!”

Best Head Instead.

It’s funny how I’ve been getting head since I turned 16, yet only gained the best dick-sucking experience EVER just last night. What makes it even funnier is the fact that I received my best blowjob, so far, from a hoe. Yep! A true hoe! Some may prefer the term ‘Prostitute’. Others might be more comfortable with the term ‘Love-peddler’. My local niggas in the yard would most certainly love to use the word ‘Ashawo’ but I prefer to stick to the three-letter one, ‘HOE’.

You know I recently had a low-key birthday celebration right? Well, a buddy of mine came in from Lagos aka ‘Lasgidi’ yesterday and upon hearing that he missed the small but fun get-together for three, he got both ‘charged’ and ‘enraged’ and decided to give me a special post-birthday celebration. To be frank as well, this was the first time I also ever had a post-birthday gig.

Anyway, all four of us headed out to a very popular pub not very far from our hostel. We arrived there at about 10:30pm to meet an unusually large turnout of fun-seekers. It was certainly an electrified atmospheric mix of music, booze and women. I observed some young men (who were obviously tipsy) getting up to shake to heavy beats blasting from the gigantic speakers located in strategic places while others just sat back and bopped their heads to it while sipping from their beer mugs. A good number of others were somewhere negotiating with them hoes while a few were struggling to maintain unnecessary conversations with friends.

We took our seats by the barbecue spot and my friend, Ziggy, who was his usual lively self, proved to be a good host. “Please serve us a bottle of Andre, a bottle of AK-47, four glasses and some ice” he told the barman who came to take our order. Shouts of “ZIGGY” then followed as the rest of us hailed him. “Make una no worry, because of Adebola I go spoil una tonight. All eye must tint by fire by force” he said with laughter and we couldn’t help but join him.

Ziggy also ordered two plates of ‘Asun’ (peppered chopped-up goat meat) for each of us and my mouth became swollen with appreciation, not knowing a special birthday present was still to come.

We had successfully emptied the bottle of Andre, which we popped first to mark the reason why we were there and were slowly sipping the AK-47 when my able host announced he would be giving us a final treat before we headed back to the hostel.

“Guys, how about complimentary ‘lamba’?” Ziggy began. “Make we arrange some of these gurls them for some fun nau? Abi una no go like fuck? Make una go pick anyone of una choice. I go pay am im money and pay for room sef. How una see am naa?”

Because we were tipsy (well, I was for sure) the chant of “Ziggy” was extremely louder than the first and everyone smiled in excitement….except me.

“Em..Ziggy, me I nor go fit represent for this one o!” I said with much worry.

“Ahn-ahn! Bros, wetin happen nau? Na because of you I even make the suggestion sef. As we don chop birthday chow, drink birthday drink, na only birthday fuck remain naa! Abi you no sabi dat song again? He said singing ‘Birthday Sex’ by Jeremih.

“Ehn..I sabi am nau. Na just say me nor dey do ashy tinz” I said and got contemptuous looks from the others.

“Guy, forget dat tin! Na one day person dey start to do something. After all, na one day we sef start to dey fuck ashana naa! Abi men, no be so?” “Na so o!” came chorused by the others.

Ziggy then continued “Yes o! Debola, na tonight you go first fuck ashana and na me go pay for your fuck” he said grinning. “No fear. Dem nor dey bite and we all go use condom. Oya, since na you get birthday, na you go pick girl first before us. Go pick make you shine ya eye well-well o!”

I first hesitated but watching the others cheer me on, coupled with the alcohol in my system, I braved it and got up with them to go to where the hoes gathered like chickens waiting to be fed not sweet corn but quick cock. “Broda, broda, pick me! I go do you well. Try me and you go see. I sabi suck well-well” were the welcome greetings that we received from the bitches.

My friends, including Ziggy made no move yet and encouraged me to go on and make my pick. After much hesitation, I eventually settled for a hoe named Ella (I doubt that’s her real name though) and my cohorts followed suit and quickly selected their own three from a gang of many. After much bargaining, we settled for N2000 as the fee to be paid for the ‘Short-time’ option.

As we led our companions to where we could pay for rooms, I discovered that each of us had strikingly different tastes in our choices. Ziggy picked a tall and skinny hoe with large boobs and a flat arse. My two other friends chose big, round and thick hoes whose boobs competed stiffly with their tummies in some sort of race. They had big, round backsides too and the only thing that differentiated them was their complexion as one was quite dark while the other was albino fair (she don bleach skin die). As for me, Ella was a slim, averagely-tall ebony chick with medium-sized boobs and arse.

Ziggy quickly settled the young man in charge of the rooms and gave us each a key. Laughing while squeezing the nyash of his pick, he said “Oya naa! Guys, let’s catch our fun and go back to the hostel. Sharp-sharp tinz!”. My two other pals responded with “Correct! Ziggy, you get mouth” before we went into our separate rooms.

Inside my room, I watched Ella take out a condom from her handbag and throw it on the bed. She was just about to take off her skimpy skirt when I surprised her.

“No! Please don’t do that. I really don’t want to fuck”. I said

“Ehn? You no wan fuck? Why you kon carry me enter here then?”

I felt stupid as I replied with “No mind me jare. Na my padi talk say I must fuck by force”

(Laughing) “Na wa o! Na your padi talk say….Shey im wan force you fuck ni? Abi wetin? Anyway, you suppose fuck o ‘cos as you know, im don already pay me.”

“I know. Na just say I no feel like fucking”.

“You no feel like fucking abi you no wan fuck ashawo?” she asked me sternly

Feeling embarrassed, I looked at her shyly and said “I no just wan fuck, simple”

“Hian! If I hear! Abegi joor! You just no wan fuck me because I be ashawo. Forget o! Me sef get my own level. As you dey see me so, I dey fuck big men for government secretariat.” She smiled and I wondered if that was actually an achievement.

“Anyway” Ella continued, “As you no kon wan fuck now, make I begin dey go. Thank you for the free money”. As she made for the door, I grabbed her hand.

“Ah! Wait nau! You wan make my guy vex for me ni? Stay with me here small so im nor go know say I no do anything” I said pleadingly.

“Oho! So you sef don realise say you wan troway im money shey?”

“No be so nau. I bin no ask am to pay for fuck for me. Im just dey insist say im must celebrate my birthday with sex”.

Ella’s eyes suddenly widened at the sound of ‘birthday’. “Birthday? Today na your birthday ni?”

“No. actually na on Saturday. Na just because say im nor dey around on dat day, na im make am carry us come here today”.

Her eyes further became enlarged at what I disclosed. “Wait o! You mean say your birthday na yesterday…yesterday the 18th?”

“Yeah!” I was just about to quickly add “Why you ask” when Ella suddenly rushed at me with a hug. “Ah! You be my birthday mate o! Hmmnn….See o! yesterday na my birthday too….The hug became tighter and I struggled for a second to breathe.

“Really? That’s nice o!” I said. “Happy birthday in arrears”

(Blushing now)…”Thank you. I wish you the same. I for give you better birthday fucking now if no be say you just no wan fuck. Abi you go gree make I suck you? At least that one no be big deal naa!”

I thought about it for a moment and came to a conclusion that though I couldn’t bring myself to fuck a love-peddler, getting head from one truly wasn’t a big deal. Afterall it was just dick-sucking. “Okay! No wahala” I told her.

My response must have gotten Ella fired up for she suddenly grinned and said “Correct! I go give you the ELLA SPECIAL. No worry, you go enjoy am well-well.”

I was turned-on by the way that Ella looked at me now and ‘Mr. Peniscillin’ was already hard for her when she moved close to me and unzipped my fly.

“Ooh! See as your kini long o! No be small tin. E kon slim join like snake” she said while laughing and giving me a hand job.

I blushed again and tried to think of an appropriate response when Ella killed me with the best blowjob I’ve ever received. Dropping down, though not completely, Ella assumed an awkward squatting position before taking my cock full into her mouth. It was when she reached for my nipples under my T-shirt that she completed her ‘killer-move’.

Boy, was I blown away! I swear the feeling of ‘head’ this way was different. The combination of my cock in her mouth and her warm fingers rubbing and twitching my nipples was CRAZZZYYYY!. I had never for once experienced anything like that before. It’s not like I’ve never gotten head from a bitch with ‘no hands’. It was just the sheer combination of her squatting position (not kneeling down), no-hands on the dick and nipples teasing that drove me insane.

I moaned like a girl, much to my embarrassment and Ella enjoyed making me do that as she continuously glanced at my face from time to time to make sure that she was doing me right.

After some hard, skilful sucking for about 2 minutes, I exploded in her mouth and was surprised to see her swallow my cum. Every single drop.

“Mmm….that was salty” she said and giggled.

“I know. That’s how it’s meant to be (I’ve tasted my cum before).

I patted her head in appreciation, pulled my trousers back up and zipped up before Ella and I left the room to join the others who were already waiting in the lobby.

Beautiful Girl 7 – The Final Fuckery

‘Twitter P’ and I enjoyed a nice chat over a sumptuous meal of peppery noodles and fried chicken with bottles of Smirnoff Ice. We both had two bottles each and I was relieved to find out that she tolerated alcohol. I have always preferred messing around with girls who drink because it is usually less stressful persuading them to take off their panties much later, unlike chicks who do not. It even gets better with those who like to drink but can’t hold their liquor one bit. With them you know the possibilities are limitless. In any case, as I discovered, ‘Twitter P’ was one of many hoes who could hold their liquor and ‘misbehave’ only if they wanted to.

We kept the conversation going, but with her doing most of the talking. I just liked to listen to the sound of her melodious voice as she shared stories of her friends in school, parties she had attended and general talk about relationships with a bias against guys. As I watched her lips move in between chewing on a piece of chicken, I imagined those lips on ‘Mr. Peniscillin’ and felt him stir in response. ‘Mr. P’ stirred just again when I thought again about how pleasant and sexy her moans would be with the sweet kind of voice that she was blessed with.

I was really digging ‘Twitter P’ and I just couldn’t erase the thought of jumping on her and doing pleasurable things to her body. I appreciated her more for not just being lively but also having a good sense of humour. What blew me away was how she unconsciously rubbed my thigh each time I gave her a good laugh. That certainly got ‘Mr. Peniscillin’ very aggravated and by the sixth rub, ‘he’ was as stiff as a log from Columbia. My companion suddenly noticed this at the next unconscious thigh stroke.

“Oh my! (chuckling)…It seems like someone is ready for dessert” she said

Rather than blush, I looked her straight in the eyes hoping she would see the lust in mine and responded with “Girl, I won’t lie…You’ve got me turned on and I want you so bad”

At that, ‘Twitter P’ rested her palm firmly on ‘Mr. P’ before she leaned towards me for a hot kiss. I melted when her lips, warm and sweet as fuck, rubbed against mine. Her lips were fucking soft and they manipulated mine in such a way that in seconds, I wasn’t satisfied with tasting just her saliva. I tried to force my tongue into her mouth but that was when she halted the act, although with her hand still petting ‘Mr. P’

“Ooooh!” she began. “Somebody really wants to get frisky!” and a sultry smile followed.

“You have absolutely no idea my dear” I rubbed her hair while saying.

“Oh really? Hmmn…In that case, I think it’s high time you let me visit your private chamber”. Getting up right then and taking hold of my hand she made me lead her to my room, although she was the one actually in front with me giving directions.

Once inside my room, more passionate kissing followed. The only difference this time was that ‘Twitter P’ finally gave it the ‘French’ touch. She slipped her tongue right inside my mouth and teased mine while her right hand never left my crotch as we remained standing. The ‘Frencher’ was sexy as fuck and in a matter of seconds, we were exchanging hot alcoholic saliva. ‘Twitter P’ then increased my pleasure when she unzipped my fly as we kissed and set ‘Mr. P’ free for a good stroke. And boy! Did she know how to give a good dick stroke!

I tried to return the favour and reached inside her blouse with my right hand to caress her right boob while my left supported her neck for the sweet kissing. Being further turned on, she pulled down her blouse just low enough for me to rub the boob with ease and I noticed how hard her nipple was. Her rubbing ‘Mr. P’ by now had turned into a full handjob and I released some precum into her palm as she ‘wanked’ me.

It was when my hand left her left boob to begin rubbing on her ‘V’ section through her tight jeans that ‘Twitter P’ decided to take our fun to the next level. She stylishly kept me moving towards the bed in backward steps and when she was sure I was close enough, she pushed me unto the bed in a teasingly violent manner.

“Boy, you are so going to get it!” she threatened me while she hurriedly took off her clothes. I followed suit and smiled when I saw a trickle of wetness on her pussy with traces on her right thigh. It gave me pleasure to know that her pussy came with its own natural lubricant.

‘Twitter P’ proved herself to be a freak as she came on top of me and kissed my neck before licking and sucking my shy nipples. She then proceeded to stick her soft, sexy tongue in my ears and I went crazy. The combination of ear licking and dick stroking almost made me cum and upon realising this, my sexy lover rushed at my cock, taking ‘Mr. P’ full in her mouth.

Damn! I won’t lie, the head was AWESOME! ‘Twitter P’ drove me crazy with the way she licked my shaft while gently rubbing my balls before sucking me slowly and splashing ‘Mr. P’ with sticky saliva. She was indeed a pro for there was ‘no teeth’ on my dick and she knew just the right time to increase the sucking speed and gag herself.

When I realised the pleasure became too much for me to bear, I gently lifted her face to get her mouth off ‘Mr. P’ and attacked her neck with my lips and tongue. I wasn’t really good at ear-licking so I tried not to deceive myself. However, I was certain I did a good job with the ‘necking’ because she let out soft musical moans…”Aww….yyeessss”. My head swelled and I felt the urge to show her my stuff.

I allowed my tongue migrate from her neck down to her fair, firm and fresh looking boobs, teasing her hard nipples with my tongue and sucking them titties ‘like say tomorrow no go come’. My sex mate, loving the new sensation, responded with gasps and her melodious soft ‘yyeeessses’

She must have thought I had reservations about giving head and shouted an “Oh my Gawd” when she realised my tongue had further taken a trip ‘down south’ and was ‘saying hello’ to her thick and tanned clitoris. Though I’ve never had a problem giving head, I only do so when I’m certain that the bitch is CLEAN!

I flicked my tongue, licked some clit and sucked this bitch’s cunt juice. I looked at her from time to time to see her eyes close tightly and lips twitch with pleasure while her body gave short jerks. It gave me satisfaction that she was enjoying it and I equally loved the taste of her precum.

“Oh..oh…oh…Shit! I’m gonna CUM!” she said suddenly. I instantly stopped the sucking. “Nope! Not just yet” I responded with a grin. “Okay….okay…pheew! That was close” she said again and I gave her my sexy smile.

“How about I finally introduce you to ‘Mr Peniscillin’? I asked her, tapping my penis as I did so to confirm that he was still stiff as fuck even though enough precum had been secreted.

“Oh!..Is that what you call him? Sweet!” she said giggling. “Come give me a dose of your Peniscillin from the back. I want a full dirty dose of it for my sexy sickness”

Mayne! At those words, I went crazy again. Dirty talk always has that effect on me. I gave this bitch a hard look and uttered in a low tone “Girl, a good dose of Peniscillin coming up!”

After reaching for a rubber under my pillow and putting it on, I gave it to ‘Twitter P’ doggy-style like she requested and was surprised when apart from stretching her hand beneath her tummy to rub my balls, she kept giving me back glances of disbelief. I took her expression to mean “Chai! Shey na you dey fuck me like dis?” and continued to beat her pussy up from the back till my partner suddenly went mad.

“Ah! You will kill me today…I am so loving this boy….Please, let’s try this” ‘Twitter P’ then proceeded to lie on her back and arched her spread legs while supporting them from under with both her hands before giving me another dirty look and saying “I need you to fuck me this way now.”

You know me nau! Both I and ‘Mr. P’ were on the job as soon as she made that request. I pounded her pussy silly and her moans this time were even more melodious but louder. “Shit!..Fuck!..oooohh….please yes! Ah yes!...mmmmm……Fuck! Fuck!! FUCK!” she exclaimed. After some more good pounding for 15 minutes, my bitch screamed “OH SHIT I’M CUMING!” That was just about the time that ‘Mr. P’ had gotten enough fun and he told me to say “Yes! Me too” before I ejected some hot cum through him into the slippery and pussy-juice covered condom.

I rolled over on my back with a gasp; wiped off some sweat on my forehead and let out “Pheew! Mayne, that was DA BOMB! Gurl, you certainly are the shit!” I expected a chuckle, a laugh, a wink, or at least, a chuckle. I expected some kind of compliment for my effort because I knew I did not and surely do not disappoint when it comes to something that I’m permanently obsessed with. You therefore can imagine why I was amazed to find ‘Twitter P’ suddenly burst into tears for a response.

“Oh my! Was it something I said? I’m really sorry if I got you upset with the dirty talk”

Looking at me hard in the eyes, ‘Twitter P’ whose wailing had reduced to sobbing, took my hand in hers and said to me slowly “No guy has ever given me an orgasm….thank you”. A kiss on my forehead followed and I blushed.

“Really? Well, I guess I’m glad I gave you your first” I said still with flushed cheeks.

“Here!” she said, opening her purse and handing me a passport photograph of herself. “Please keep it and think of me. I want you to know that you can and will have this pussy whenever you want, Okay?”

“Sure. It would certainly be my pleasure dear.” I responded still blushing.

As I admired her face in the photograph, I spontaneously flipped it to its back and was shocked to find a name in bold letters that was awfully familiar.

“Em…is this your last name?” I asked her.

“Yes”..(looking at me with curiosity now). “Why did you ask?”

“Em…nothing really. It’s just that the name reminds me of someone who owns a big advertising firm in Ikeja.”

(Chuckling) “Yes. I believe that would be my dad..(mentions ‘Bongafish’s surname). He’ the CEO of (mentions the name of the company where I used to be an employee). Do you know him?”

“Well, not really. His firm has won quite a number of awards so he’s popular. I once tried getting a spot in his company though”, I lied.

“Really? Aww…sorry about that. I could help you talk to him if you like” she then said. I quickly jumped in with “Nah! Thanks but never mind. I like my present job” I added a wink to convince her I was fine.

“Okay! If you say so. However, I think I’ve gotta go now. I told my mum I’d be back before 3pm. You don’t mind , do you?”

“Not at all babe” I replied with a smile not fake enough to give away my subtle shock.

While ‘Twitter P’ and I both got dressed, I kept smiling and saying to myself “Mayne, what such luck? This world is really a small place. Like mother like daughter indeed. This, infact, is nothing but sweet revenge at Bongafish. I FUCKED TWO FREAKS IN YOUR FAMILY NIGGA!”

‘Twitter P’ put an end to my thoughts with “Okay, I’m set and good to go.” At that, I pulled open the right door of my wardrobe, took out some money and counted 20 grand before offering it to her. She took it from me, stashed it in her handbag and pecked me on my left cheek, saying “Thanks” before leading me back to the front door.

Just outside and before we said our goodbyes, she looked at me with worry in her eyes and said to me “If I promise not to take your money again, will you promise to see me again? I was thinking of a suitable response when she quickly added “Pleeaasse!”.

I then heaved a sigh, took both her arms in mine and did something….

Now! Just before I tell you what I did, have you ever asked yourself, even for once, why this story, which is about to be concluded, is titled ‘Beautiful Girl’??? You haven’t abi? You be correct bloody OLODO!!! Chai! So you never even guessed why I gave it that title? Anyway, I’m about to tell you now.

Still holding ‘Twitter P’s hands, I looked her in her eyes and said “Gurl, there’s something you should know” The next batch of words that left my mouth came as a song. Yes! I sang for her. You know Sean Kingston’s ‘Beautiful Girl’? Fine! I sang my corrupt version………………

It was back in ‘99
I was fucking this bitch all the time
Then I was put away for screwing da boss’ wife
And I never thought, the stupid bastard would even bother…..even bother
But when I came out
I met a bitch down south
And I never thought that the bitch would be my worth
It turned out to be, the bitch was just the gurl for me…..gurl for me

You see, her vicious vagina is one of a kind
Chai! She mush up ma mind….I’ll fuck her all the time
Oh Lord!...her pussy is driving me crazy

You’re way too beautiful girl
That’s why we will always fuck
You’d have me suicidal….suicidal
Once you say it’s over

You’re way too beautiful girl
I just can’t believe my luck
You’d have me suicidal….suicidal
WHEN YOU SAY IT’S OVER!!!

Beautiful Girl (Part 6)

I was shoved into a rickety police van parked outside the premises of the company, which zoomed off immediately my captors got in, squashing me in the middle. I was the tuna in our bitter sandwich and though I had seen a lot of that kind of action in Nollywood movies, I never for once imagined I would ever act such a part in life’s reality show. The driver, whom I couldn’t see yet due to the steel partition that came between us, drove like a mad man and even though I hated the idea of going to a police station for a likely arrest, I silently prayed that we made it there in one piece.

“Guy, na wa for you o!” The policeman on my left began. “You really get mind wey you go dey climb your oga wife o! Wetin even make you reason that kain tin?”

I gave no reply but squeezed my lips to suggest that I was in no mood to talk. Probably reading my thought, the second officer quickly chipped in “E fit be say na oga madam bin want am o! Maybe na she ask am to dey shine am. Remember that Okon case nau! Na wetin we bin later find out from our investigation!” To this, I quietly muttered “Thank you jare! God go bless you for me.”

“Ehn, dat one sef dey but you no be im spokesperson nau! As im no wan talk, make im reach station write statement and we go know im own side of the story” the first policeman retorted with a sneer at me to conclude the brief discussion that I intentionally didn’t partake in.

We eventually reached ‘Area G’ in less than 20 minutes. The trip, by my guess, ordinarily should have cost us at least 45 minutes of our time but I stifled a chuckle and understood the puzzle when the pot-bellied driver rushed out of the vehicle as soon as we were allowed into the rusty station gates with a quick salute, yelling to his superiors “Oga abeg I dey come. Make I run shit!”

Inside the station seemed like a simulation of hell on earth. No sooner had I walked in than I was forced to strip down almost completely, leaving only my boxer shorts to cover my pride before writing a statement. All my pleas for some mercy and a phone call to a close friend whose mum was also in the force fell on deaf ears. I was even made to shut up with a hot, vibrating slap before being thrown into one of the six cells behind the counter. I then wondered how my hypertension-prone father and worrisome mother would have reacted to the news that their only son in Nigeria was in jail for an unknown reason. Though I knew my brother who was with them in Canada would have fared better with such news, I was quite thankful to God that they were not around to witness this embarrassing and unfortunate incident.

I felt terrible and disgusted at being treated like a hardened criminal when all I did was help a fellow human being in need, not rob a bank or kill someone. Perhaps, if madam had died when I gave her my parting hardcore fuck, I would have truly come to terms with the fact that I committed murder.

I was thrown into one of the cells and knew I was in deep shit when the ‘Presido’, a middle-aged, black, tall and smelly motherfucker who ruled over other prisoners, gave me a welcome ‘present’. I was persuaded to provide him, along with four others, extra air using an almost worn-out hand-fan after he threatened to design my chest with a small piece of broken glass which he took out of the back pocket of his torn jeans and showed me. It flashed green in my face and I wasted no time in doing as instructed. You know I wasn’t yet ready to join my ancestors? Besides, I had always fantasised about dying between the legs of a bitch after cuming hard…not from the stabs of a smelly, old convict.

A little luck came my way when the officer who read my thoughts in the van came to my cell and made me a deal I couldn’t resist. He was willing to grant me a 2-minute phone-call to any 1 person of my choice for the N1,650 in my wallet. I initially wanted to scream at him “How dare you take out my wallet from my pants, open it and go as far as counting my own money?” but restrained myself with the quick after-thought that though the average police officer was trained to protect many things, privacy was certainly not on the list.

Oh well! What alternative did I have? Your guess is just as good as mine. As soon as the law enforcer emptied my wallet into his hands before pocket, he handed me my phone and waited. You bet that I wasted no time in making my call. “Hello…hello…Double-D how far? Abeg, abeg hep me yarn mumsy say make she kon help me o! I dey Area-G now untop some unnecessary fuck-up. Ehn? Ah! Na till tomorrow before she go enter Lag? Chai!...em…okay. No problem. I no kuku get choice. But abeg help me beg am say na emergency o! Okay…Okay..Nice one! Thanks mehn! Safe!”

“You try! 1 minute, 23 seconds. Make you relax well ehn? You know say bail no go show until tomorrow? Hahaha!” the idiotic officer let out and left. I cursed him under my breath. Me? Try for making a call with my own phone? Na wa o! But anyway, he did make a good point about me needing to relax because my friend sure made me understand that help wouldn’t come my way until the next day. I sighed and went back to fanning ‘Presido’ and his cohorts who were already shouting “Oya come back joor! Heat don dey blow us”.

Almost stark naked and feeling miserable, I kept pushing sleep away that night till everyone in my cell was fast asleep and snoring loudly. I couldn’t risk any of those filthy and smelly fools developing any funny idea and try to put ‘kini’ in my virgin bumbum. Although I did hear faint voices from other cells, I felt safe in mine with my crime-committing colleagues sleeping.

“God…please, I’m very sorry. Please send Double-D’s mum to my rescue and I’ll never stick my prick inside any married woman’s pussy again. Please!!!” I prayed before finally giving in to the pestering slumber. That very night, I dreamt that ‘Madam’ visited me in the cell and offered me freedom on the condition that I fuck her one last time right there with the other inmates watching. According to her, it was one of her many fantasies to be fucked silly in jail with a viewing audience. I’m not actually sure about the number of times I screamed “No!” but I’m sure madam instantly disappeared when I was woken up with another heavy slap on my left cheek. My eyes opened to capture the view of ‘Presido’ looming over me and saying “Shut up joor! Which one be “No” again? Abi dem dey pursue you for your village? Mtscheew!!!” It wasn’t till he left me for his original position that I realised I had my left palm on the left side of my face and it both stung and felt hot. However, what I felt couldn’t be compared to what I received earlier and I considered the possibility of a compulsory slap-training program for all force men.

Morning eventually came and meehhnnn!....was I fucking relieved when that stupid officer who stole from me re-visited, this time bellowing “Mr. Adebola!..Mr. Adebola! Today na your lucky day o! God don butter your bread.” I was up in an instant and rushed at the bars of the cell, grabbing on to two and waiting for the idiot to show his face. When he finally did, he said to me in a hush voice “Guy, I no know say you get mouth like this o! We never release anybody for here without bail before.”

“Please let me out! Let me out! I am not a criminal” I yelled at him but he only yelled back “Wait joor! I dey come” before unlocking the cell door and letting me out. I ran back to the counter to meet three people in police uniform discussing and upon recognising my friend’s mum, I went flat on the floor in a full prostrate. “Thank you ma..Thank you ma!...God will bless you ma!”

“ADEBOLA!!! Adebola!” My friend’s mum began “My son told me you had an emergency but…but….(bursting into a laugh)…I never expected to hear this. What were you even thinking? Would you rather I let your father know about this?”

“Ah! No ma o! Please ma…I’m really sorry. I won’t do it again” I said looking at my feet. By now, the other two officers had joined in the laughter of mockery. “Hmmn…Okay, I won’t tell on you but you must never allow such to happen again. UNDERSTOOD???”

“Yes ma!” I said with quick nods and a shudder before it was all over. “Alright men…I’ll take it from here. Thanks for your cooperation and please don’t forget what to tell his boss when he calls or visits”

“Yes sir!” the officers chorused with a hard salute. “We won’t fail to let him know you’re now in charge of the case”. I automatically understood that my rescuer was by far; their superior colleague and I felt more than secure in her care.

Once outside, I got into the Honda Element which my buddy’s mum drove and we set out of the station for home. As we drove past the station’s gates, we received powerful salutes again and my guardian was compelled to part with some crisp notes for the saluting men on duty.

“Here, one of the policemen asked me to give this to you” she said to me when we were already manoeuvring through busy streets. I took the envelope which her arm extended and opened it to find a sack letter signed by the human resources head at ‘Bongafish’s company. I didn’t betray any emotion because I knew I didn’t even require a formal notice to realise I couldn’t go back to the office.

My saviour remained silent till she dropped me off at my abode and I thanked her again profusely before walking in slowly for a warm bath and some real sleep. Though I was fagged-out from my experience, it certainly felt good to be home again

Staying at home afforded me more than enough time to get over the unfortunate incident and shower attention on my ‘Twitter P’ while I made several online applications in my attempts to secure another job. I literally had her ‘sold’ with my tale of being on a brief leave from official duties at the office and got her promising to visit the following day. Even though she said she would be coming over to finally meet her ‘favourite tweetmate’ I knew all she really wanted was the mouth-watering cash that I promised her. I couldn’t bother much because I was sure that she would be ‘working hard’ to earn it. Besides, it wasn’t really my money that I would be giving her. You know nau! My bank account was still quite fat, courtesy of my ex-lover aka Madam aka Bongafish’s insatiable wife. Oh yeah! I also sold the same ‘leave’ lie to both my parents and brother with the hope that a new job would come my way really soon.

The very day that ‘Twitter P’ showed up at my crib turned out to be one that I will continue to remember for a long time to come. The moment I opened my front door to receive her, my jaw dropped. You really should have seen her mayne! She was a sight to behold. With quite an appealing face, she turned out to be way prettier than she looked on any of her online pictures. She had on Brazilian hair and looked fabulous in a tight-fitting blouse that revealed much cleavage on an equally tight pair of low-waist jeans. “Damn gurl! You hawt!” came my hello, which made her blush. She responded with a shy “Thank you” before coming in and as she walked past me into the house, I drooled on sighting her silver waist-chain which slightly covered a rose tattoo just above her fresh-looking upper arse. “Oh goody-goody!” I told myself. I knew for sure that this ‘hawtie’ would be worth both my time and money…………………………

THE STORY AIN’T OVER JUST YET!............THE 7TH CHAPTER IS THE CHARM!!!

HELP!!! I’m a Bloody Pervert not a Paedophile!

“Hmmn….Lord help me o! Lord, please pardon me ‘cos I think I’m fast losing my mind. GAWD!!! What was I thinking? What was I being tempted to become? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME???”

Em…hi you. How are you? Fine shey? Okay. I’m sure you’re confused now and wondering what it is that’s bothering me huh? Hmmn…me I’m confused o! I really don’t know and…and…INFACT, I’m fucking scared right now sef. As in, I haff started scaring for myself by myself and with myself. I just don’t know what the bloody hell is wrong with me.

Anyway sha, I do know two things. First is that the devil is a bloody liar and he will not succeed in my life. May he never have his way in your life too o!

Secondly, Konji na bastard….as in…KONJI NA BLOODY BASTARD!!! May Konji never put you to shame o! Hmmn…better say your amen now because I know what I’m talking about.

Okay, permit me to confess my sins and share my story now. See what happened o! Hmmn…..I was in my room jejely last night, writing the concluding part of the ‘Beautiful Girl’ series when I received a mail alert. I opened that mail to find a picture revealing a very pretty young lady with a message beneath it – “Yetunde wants to connect with you on ‘TWOO’. Click ‘Yes’ to open a ‘twoo’ account and chat with her instantly”.

Now, this e-mail got me really excited. The picture that I beheld particularly gave me a hard-on because, my-oh-my!...the beautiful damsel in it had curves that could make Nicki Minaj retire immediately from flaunting her assets all over music videos. I mean, I saw this picture of a hawt sexy thang blessed with a light-skinned face, wearing a ‘come-and-do’ smile and carrying nicely-made braids besides a tempting ‘Manchester’ and an alluring ‘Arsenal’.

I know I ought to have ignored this tempting offer and continued my writing. After all, you as my reader, comes first in my internet priorities. But I swear, if you had seen this picture ehn! You would have said “Bros, na so you go allow this beta toto waka pass? Beta go hiage the babe one time!”

Truth is, I didn’t even realise I was acting on impulse until I discovered that I was already signing-up for a ‘twoo’ account. It didn’t take long at all and I made sure I uploaded my best picture. What then followed as a pleasant surprise was discovering that the beauty who sent me an invitation was online immediately I was done creating a profile and clicking on the chat section.

O boy eeee!!! Excitement bin wan kill me die! No be small tin. I immediately put my ‘perv game’ to the test by clicking on the ‘Chat with her now’ link………….

ME: Hi beautiful. Though I don’t recall that we’ve ever met, thanks for the invitation. I’m here now so when are you gonna send me your ‘VIP’ invitation?”

YETUNDE: *Blushing*….thanks for the compliment. It’s true we’ve never met but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. I love your blog and I read each post as it gets out. Then, sorry but what do you mean by ‘send you my VIP invitation?”.

ME: Aww….that’s such a sweet thing to say. And oh that! *Grin* It simply means ‘when are you gonna send me your ‘Very Irresistible Pussy’ invitation?..*wink*

YETUNDE: Oh! LMAO!...Gawd! You really are a perv!...ROTFL

ME: Well, I’m not called That Bloody Pervert for nothing you know?...lol

Yetunde and I got along very well during our chat, which was spiced with lots of dirty talk. She fell quickly for me and promised to be at my place as early as 9am this morning to confirm if I was really good at ‘practising what I preach’ in my blog and you bet I slept with much anxiety last night. Matter of fact, I did have a pre-fuck with her in my dream….lolz.

But then, simply because my blog got Yetunde having high expectations of me, I knew there was no room for any form of disappointment. Even though I regard myself a natural expert in bedmatics aka bedroom soccer, I didn’t want to leave our first match to chance. You know the popular saying about first impressions right? I just couldn’t trust ‘Mr. Peniscillin’ a 100% in this kind of situation, knowing fully well that I represent best after a big bottle of Legend extra stout over an engaging chit-chat.

I then decided to take an ‘artificial’ option – I resulted to taking ‘Yara kan’ (one room), a local herbal mixture at 8am knowing that by 9am when she would have arrived, ‘Mr. Peniscillin’ wouldn’t have any excuse not to impress like madt.

Maaayyynneeeee!!! Would you believe that this chick called me by 9:15am begging me to understand that she couldn’t make it over anymore because she had to run some errands for her mum???? O boyeeee!!! I bin wan die naaa!!! She ended the call with another promise to visit tomorrow unfailingly, not knowing that ‘Mr. Peniscilin’ was already as alert as a customs officer and ready to fully ‘seize’ her CUNTraband.

I instantly tried to put a call to my hoe, Bessy (the one who fucks me every Friday and who I pay monthly) to pay me a visit on short-notice with the intention of promising her good compensation for my irregular request but discovered that both her phone lines were unreachable. Ewooooo!!!!

By 9:45, I felt like taking my own life. I hated myself like crazy ‘cos I was then very uncomfortable. You know what I mean naa? My dick was hard-rock stiff and was to remain so for the next 60 minutes without any pussy to mount. Chai! I knew I was done for. Even ‘wanking’ to my collection of ‘mojo’ (porn) didn’t help my case at all. Infact, it only made ‘him’ stronger.

Ah! I felt like crying o! What made it worse was that even though I felt hungry a few minutes later, I couldn’t leave my room to buy rice and turkey because of the shame and embarrassment the huge bulge in my pants would cause me outside.

I felt helpless and stupid until I heard a “da-da” sound coming from the corridor just outside my room. I got curious and stealthily opened the door to find a baby with a lollipop in hand. The little girl was drawing an imaginary picture on my door and I recognised her as the daughter of the housekeeper whom I faintly heard sweeping downstairs. I hissed and shut the door but no sooner had I done that to return to my misery than that BASTARD DEVIL popped-up inside my head……………………………

DEVIL: Guy how far naa? You no go use dat pikin help your condition so? You know say nothing for you again aspa lamba today? Hehehe!

ME: Ehn? Devil, wetin you dey yarn so? How the talk take be for ya mouth sef? Have you no shame at all? Make I abuse dis small pikin abi?

DEVIL: Guy relax! Shey you wan dey dull yourself ni? You see sweet opportunity to help yourself and go arrange chow for ya doormort and you dey dull yaself. Omo, you go tey for ya condition o! Hehehe!

ME: Mehn, you know it’s not right nau? It’s a little girl we’re talking about here naa! You wan make I tear her toto to pieces ni?

DEVIL: Hehehe…Bros, I see say you slow well-well. See the pikin naa! No be lollipop she dey lick so? Just convince am make she lick your own lolly small and you go dey alright. You know say her mama dey sweep for downstairs and she no go know? Better sharp-up!

ME: Chai!....DEVIL….You too bad. Make I chook dis my big, hard prick for inside dis small pikin mouth? Omo, I no fit do dat kain tin oooo!!!

DEVIL: Ehen? Oya naa! Siddon for dia!. At least, after one hour, your prick go come down. Yeye! Mtscheew!!! Wo! I DON WAKA JOOR! (Vanishes from my thoughts).

Mehn!…..I was in a fix now. But just on the other side of my room door was a little struggling-to-walk female who could help my condition without the knowledge of her mother. I quickly opened my door to discover that the baby was still there. She couldn’t have been more than two years old and the way she even started concentrating fully on the lollipop with heavy tongue-strokes, licking and splashing saliva all over the tiny imprisoned ball of sweetness further increased my problem because ‘Mr. Peniscillin’ had started making attempts to bust a hole in my trousers. I was fucking hungry and needed to go outside. I was fucking confused and helpless……..I decided to do it!

“Come baby…fine fine baby…..come to daddy….coooommmmeeeeee!”

Getting the child’s attention was easy but she just refused to come to me. I suddenly remembered that babies were easily appeased with music so I decided to try a part of ‘D.Banj’s ‘Mr. Endowed’ in my corrupt version.

“Hey sexy baby, I see that you’ve been licking on your lollipop but lemme give you a reason to lick me…..I’ve got a special something you will like to lick too, allow me give you a clue……"

Damn! My shit sure worked like magic. The child was giggling now at my singing and walked with much struggle into my outstrectched arms. I quickly carried her inside and locked my room door. I had to waste no time incase her mum got curious and started looking for her. I hurriedly stripped off my trousers and boxers and in a quick second, brought out my turgid, swollen cock. As it dropped down and dangled in front of the naïve child, I expected fear and possibly a loud cry but was relieved when her enlarged eyes showed excitement at the ‘new toy’ that I had brought out for her.

“Baba God, no vex for me, your pikin o! I never do dis kain tin before o! I know say na me take my hand do myself but I gaz help my condition” I spoke to God facing the ceiling. The little girl still chuckled in excitement at the show I had given her so far. It was now time to treat her to the main event and I held on to my shaft.

“Take baby, here baby….lick this sweet….suck this sweet” I said while taking ‘Mr. Peniscillin close enough to the innocent child’s mouth. She had just responded by opening it and bringing out her tongue for some bigger lollipop licking when my phone suddenly rang. “Oooooooh! Which kain winshi be dis nau? Unknown number sef” I was upset but I decided to take it.

“Hello…Hello…Debola wasup? Where are you? I need some of your mojo and I’m in front of your gate”

I instantly recognised the voice and heaved a big sigh of relief. On the line was BESSY!

“DEVIL!.................YOU ARE A LIIIAARRR!!!” I screamed.

Beautiful Girl (Part 5)

Madam, still lying on the bed, asked me to take out some money from a drawer beneath her wooden mirror frame for my transportion fare when I was fully dressed and ready to take my exit. I knew it was time to voice out my feelings and I quickly seized the opportunity before I lost my nerve. “Em…thank you ma but I..I…I’m fine today. I d..d..don’t really need the money.”

“Ehn? YOU WHAT? Come again? She immediately responded looking like someone who had just been electrocuted. With that, I didn’t expect to lose my nerve so suddenly but I tell you, that bloody weakling nerve sure failed me. For a second or two, I stupidly thought her “Come again” was asking me to cum inside her again and I was rendered speechless for a few more seconds.

“Er..I mean I..I…d..don’t think I can do this anymore. We n..ne..need to stop this ma” I said when I eventually caught my breath.

And then came the ranting! “YOU MEAN YOU NO LONGER WANT TO SEE ME? OH MY GOD! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? (Sobbing)…WHAT HAS COME OVER YOU? YOU WANT TO ABANDON ME AND DENY ME PLEASURE JUST LIKE MY HUSBAND DID EHN? AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU? (Crying now)…. AH! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WEREN’T MAN ENOUGH LIKE THAT FOOL. SO YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH OF ME ALREADY AND YOU WANT TO LEAVE JUST LIKE THAT??? EHN??? FINE!!! GO!...LEAVE!...GET OUTTTT!!!...(Wailing now)..I SAID GEERRROOUUTTTTTTT!!!!!

I almost jumped out of my skin at madam’s yelling and I made a quick dash for the door. In less than 10 seconds, I was out of the house and on a bike home….never to return to madam’s arms or juicy pussy again. On the road home, I kept asking myself “Why did madam have to erupt like that? Shey I no try reach ni? Abi whish one be my own for continuous fucking. Na resident pussy permit she give me? Mtscheeeewww!”

The following day that came turned out to be the worst day of my entire life. That very Friday, I got to the office earlier than usual because madam denied me enough sleep. She kept pestering me with calls, which I refused to take since I had already made up my mind not to go back on my decision. I really should have picked up my phone and spoken to her but I didn’t want to listen to a cry baby in the middle of the night.

Anyway, work and every other thing with me went just fine but not until an enraged ‘Bongafish’ came into my department with two stern-looking men in casual clothing. Next thing I heard him say was “That’s him!” before one of the mean-looking men took out an identity card from his right breast pocket, pointed to the picture on it and asked “Young man, is this your I.D card?”

With those words, my head spun and I experienced a quick flashback. Shit! I forgot to put back my I.D card around my neck before fleeing from madam. Madam must have been too furious with herself and depressed to even notice it on the floor beside the king-sized bed and Oga must have found it upon returning from his trip. I knew my game was up now. What could I put up in my defense in explaining how my identity card found its way into Oga’s bedroom? I sure was fucked as hell!

“Yes” I said without remorse or fear. It was too late to be scared now. I had fucked my boss’ wife like a real man so I had to be that real man and face whatever consequence that was to come.

“It’s you ehn?” the second man said shaking his head. “Na you dey chop food wey you no follow cook abi? Na you go farm go dey uproot sweet potato for im owner back abi? Na you go dey put am for…”Ahem!…please!” ‘Bongafish rudely interrupted the unintentional embarrassment. “Just do your job and let me have some peace here, okay?”

“Yes sir” both men chorused with a salute before introducing themselves to me as police officers from ‘Area G’ with one saying “Young man, you have to leave with us NOW to the station for interrogation. Would you like to go with us peacefully or you’d prefer to be dragged in handcuffs?”

“I’ll go with you quietly” I said and everyone in the office, except ‘Bongafish’ who cast me a devilish look, watched me pack my stuff and exit the office in the company of the policemen with shock and confused faces………………………………..

HOW DID THE STORY END?
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AT THE STATION?
DID I LEAVE THE STATION ALIVE?
DID I GET ANY OF THE FEMALE CELL-MATES PREGNANT?
DID I MASTURBATE IN PRISON?
DID I LIVE TO FUCK AGAIN?
WHAT BECAME OF MADAM, MY TWITTER ‘P’ AND MY DICK?

ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND MANY MORE WILL BE ANSWERED IN………….


BEAUTIFUL GIRL 6 – THE FINAL FUCKERY………CUMing YOUR WAY SOON!!!)

My Sincere Apologies!...Make Una No Vex!

You know what, I just had a second thought about my plan, which I shared with you earlier. I think I'ma SCRATCH THAT!!! (In my preferred tongue, I'd say SCREW THAT!)

The truth is, I really would love to sing for you. It's just that I have to be considerate about the young innocent friends who I'm friends with on Google Plus. Moreover, it wouldn't be nice to face any kind of copyright battle. You know what I mean huh?

Sorry for leading you on. I really wish I could take it back. Do pardon me.

I'll try and make it up to you in my next post.

Thanks for your understanding.


TBP
God bless...Nothing less

Singing Sessions Now Live on Google Plus

Hey you! What’s good? You’re cool shey? Nice! Guess what? I feel so fucking excited right now.

I just seemed to have found a better way to connect with you. You know how I usually ‘merix’ people’s songs for my story telling huh? Yeah! I have now decided to sing them for you so you’d know exactly my state of mind during the writing phase.

Er....em...there's just one little problem. I kinda struggled with pasting the links to my recordings on blogger so I put them on Google Plus. And yeah, almost every song that I've 'merixed' so far can be found there. Do check 'em out. You'll love 'em.

Later!


God bless....Nothing less!

With Lust from Ghana

Sup you? WATAGWAN RULE INA FI AREA??? *Chuckle* Don’t mind me jare! I wan dey try form Rastafarian…lolz. Anyway, how tinz nau? Hope your day has been fine so far? Wanna know how mine has been? W.O.N.D.E.R.F.U.L!!!

Yep! YEP! Today has been very swell because I got laid…..as in, you know nau?.....I got fucked. Who was the ‘Fucker’? ME OF COURSE! Who was the ‘Fuckee’? Ah! Now that’s the interesting part. The ‘Fuckee’ was a Ghanaian sweetheart. Lucky me huh? I know, I know.

By the way, a quick and loud SHOUTOUT to my buddies in the United Kingdom who top my readership ranking. Thanks so much for digging my perverted nonsense and I really do hope you’ve been entertained by my stories thus far? To my Naija peeps…Nice one! I see you guys are fast showing me love. Many thanks! I hail my readers in other nations too. In short, you guys are too much and I love you all! (No Homo to the guys sha…..lol)

Then, I want you to also know that the next part of ‘Beautiful Girl’ will be out soon. Though it’s not easy combining blogging with my M.Sc. program, I’ll definitely see to it that I keep delivering and making you peeps happy with me…*wink*

Now, back to my story! You see, I visited my customer’s shop, which is almost adjacent to the building in which I stay, to take a quick break off reading and possibly get a snack. By snack I mean ‘puff-puff’ or egg roll o!. (Before you go start to dey think say dis guy na one kain chairman…lol). I got there sha and met both my customer and a nice-looking, young, ebony bitch seated and chatting. I quickly assumed the bitch was a customer so I took my own seat and waited to be served by my customer, who by now had exchanged fast pleasantries with me and got up to get me a snack.

During the time taken to be served, I threw sneaky glances at the ebony bitch’s way and liked what I saw. I mean, she looked very cute and fuckable and I instantly felt a stir in my groin to tell me that ‘Mr. Peniscillin’ equally agreed.

She was ebony in complexion and had an averagely pretty face. Even though she was seated, I could tell that she was of average height. However, what constituted the main attraction was her hairstyle which was a seriously-sexy, traditional Ghanaian punk. Do you know what it looks like? If you don’t, imagine the typical punk hairstyle but with well-trimmed edges to give it a bold 3-D look and you’ll be fine.

I took all this features in and found her totally ‘yummy’. The only problem was, she didn’t wear a smiling face. She seemed agitated over something and kept tapping away on the buttons of her Blackberry Tour. That soon changed anyway because…..well, you know me nau!

While enjoying my snack (and stylishly still throwing glances at her) a song that I listened to in the morning on my phone suddenly began playing in my head and I decided to have some fun singing it since both my customer and ebony bitch had stopped talking with my entrance, making the place become awkwardly silent. You know ‘You want to know me’ by May-D featuring P-Square huh? Yeah! That was it, only that I infused my own corrupt lyrics….lol. Anyway, this is how shit went down………………………..

ME: (Singing) …Aaii na na nai! Oooooh aaii na na na aaiiii!!! (2ce)
Shey you want to know me….do me gurl? I’d like to know you too
Shey you want to feel me….screw me gurl? I’d like to screw you
too….deal with you (Oya follow me!)…I want to know you
too…blow you too (Oya follow me)……………………………........

(Ebony bitch turned her face to look at me with surprise and disbelief)

EBONY BITCH: Hmmn…Na wa o! Please o! Is that the remix? *suppressing a smile*

ME: *Chuckle* Something like that but I prefer to call it the ‘merix’…(Laughing now)…Don’t mind me jare, I’m just a naughty person.

EBONY BITCH: (Laugh) I sure can see that (studying me in an alluring manner). Anyway, not bad. You certainly do have a nice singing voice.

ME: (Blushing)..Aww…thanks! You just made my day with that compliment.

E.B: (Chuckle) You’re welcome but I really should be the one thanking you as your funny lyrics just lightened my mood. I’ve been kind of upset all afternoon. Oh! Pardon my bad manners. I’m Pamela.

ME: *Smiling* It’s okay. I’m Adebola and it’s nice knowing I made you feel better. Care to share your troubles with me? It’s okay if you don’t wanna ‘cos I know I’m still a stranger…*Wink*

E.B: (Laugh) Mehn, you are so funny. You just entertained me with a song and I already told you my name yet you still regard yourself a stranger? That’s serious o!

ME: Don’t mind me jare! I tend to tease an awful lot. Do share please!

E.B: I see! It’s cool sha! You already admitted to being a naughty person so I shouldn’t expect less of you…(laugh)…Well, about my trouble, you see I’ve been here for the past one hour waiting for someone. I came from my school in Ghana and I don’t even know when he’ll be here and I need to get back to my auntie’s place this evening before returning to school tomorrow.

ME: Wow! Ghana? You’re Ghanaian right? And hmmn….So it’s a ‘he’ huh? Gosh! Still ‘he’ chooses to keep such a hot thang as yourself waiting? Mayne, that ain’t right!

E.B: (Blushing) Yes, I’m Ghanaian and honestly, I don’t get it o! I spoke with him on the phone a while ago and he asked me to wait here and help myself to whatever I want, which he’ll pay for upon joining me. He said he was tidying up a job in the café and he’ll be with me soon. His name is Emperor. You know him?

ME: Emperor? Of course I know him! I mean, who doesn’t? He’s a very popular homeboy in this neighbourhood. You’ve been friends with him for long?

E.B: Em…not really. We actually met on Badoo recently and he told me he would be very generous if I paid him a visit. That’s why I came…(looking a bit guilty now)

ME: Ah! Badoo tinz!…(chuckle)…Nice one! So..em..that means you er…er….?????

E.B: Yeah! I hustle. I gotta survive in school you know? *wink*

ME: I totally understand. It’s all good. Don’t worry; he’ll be true to his words when he shows up. I can guarantee that. He hit some major bucks recently.

E.B: He said so and I believe it too. It’s just that I don’t think I can wait for him any longer. I guess my journey here has been in vain….(looking depressed now)

ME: C’mon nau! Don’t say that. But if you really wanna leave now, I’ll understand and explain everything to him when we see.

E.B: Okay. Thanks! I’d really appreciate that. But then (giving me a sultry look), you’re nice and fun to talk with. I don’t think I should leave without taking home a pleasant memory. Your place close?

ME: (Blushing like fuck)…Er…Yeah…but since you were expecting a treat, I don’t think I can measure up to my chairman, Emperor.

E.B: *chuckle*…It’s okay. It doesn’t have to be about money all the time you know? I can be nice to you if you’ll be nice to me by singing...*wink*

ME: Really? Just that? Sweet! I sure as hell can do that. Leeegggggggooooooo!!!!

E.B: Let’s go dear! No dulling!

(My customer who had been listening in on our conversation was by now shaking her head, shocked at the turn of events and what was soon to happen)

Ebony bitch and I went back to my place for some hot, steamy, sexy and raunchy session of ‘fuckery’. However, that didn’t come before I sang for her. When she asked me to fulfil my part of the bargain, I chose the song I sang in ‘The Valentine Job’ post. Remember it? You should nau! Go check it out for it’s among my recent posts. Anyway, this time, I added the first verse, in my corrupt version of course…….

I’m in lust.....
And this konji’s worrying me so bad
Baby pull your pant for me
Your pussy is what I wanna see

I’m in lust…..
And this konji’s driving me real mad
Baby get down on your knees
Come and suck this dick for me….COME SUCK THIS DICK FOR ME!

I just wanna put ma prick in you
Do all the moves you want me to
I just wanna put this dick in you
‘Cos konji is what I feel

Mayne!!! You bet Ebony bitch gave me a swell time. She showed me that Ghanaians could bring some good game to the bed. She did so many wonderful things to me that I can’t share with you right now because I’m still spent. However, just try to bear with me and understand that I thoroughly enjoyed her Ghanaian pussy.

YA HEEAARRDDDD???? I gotta rest now. Your boi is out!!!