*perv smile* Mayne y’all won’t believe this! I actually shagged One Of My Female Followers on Twitter (#OOMFF). YIPPEEE!!! It’s the first time something like this is ever happening and trust me; it’s a fucking wonderful feeling.
But pssst!....ssshhh…..she is getting dressed up and ready to take her leave as I write this and I don’t want her to catch me typing, which is why I’m doing so in the bathroom. Though she’s on my #TBPBlogPost Tweet-List and will eventually get to read this post, I don’t want her around while I type ‘cos she just might influence my story and I gotta stay objective on this shit. You feel me shey? KORRECT!
I bet you’re curious about her name though. Right? You want me to tell you shey? I should reveal it plus her handle to you huh? THANK YOU EHN! Mtscheew! If I reveal her identity, how would any other female follower of mine be willing to spread her legs for me ehn??? I’M NOT TELLING YOU JOOR! I still need more female followers to do Shante..Shante…Shante! Shante…Shante…Shante! Sangalow…SANGALOW with That Bloody Pervert….*perv grin*.
In any case, just know that the chick in question reps #TeamPerv. Oh yeah! She reps #TeamKush too so I bet ma hommie @StonerTeam would love to ‘lay’ her. Catch her if you can hommie! Good luck. Lolz…………
Oh by the way! I realise I’m supposed to be serving you ‘Angelina and the Blowjob Scam Part 3’ but this is a truly special moment for me and I just need to share the story with y’all before I go on to finish that story. Nor vex ehn? All in good time.
Now here’s how it all started. You know I’ve been blogging since August right? Well, this chick stumbled on one of my posts, left me an anonymous comment and followed me. I followed back instantly because I’m also with #TeamFollowBack (incase you didn’t know). Next thing you know, chick and I began exchanging Direct Messages (DMs). We did that for a while and when she read my recent ‘The Chick on the Ride Home’, she contacted me via DM again.
Chick: Heyy…..I saw your post. I enjoyed reading it too. But em…are you really back in Lagos?
Me: Heyyyy….Yeah. How’ve you been gurl?
Chick: Fine. Thanks. Welcome back to Lasgidi
Me: Yay! Thanks! *smile*
Chick: Lol. What are you ‘Yaying’ for? You’re so funny.
Me: Lolz…..Don’t mind me jare. You know how playful I get sometimes?
Chick: Yeah. Sure. Anyway, em..am I free to ask you a question?
Me: Er…Sure! *scratches head*…Go ahead.
Chick: Do you actually have sex all the time? You talk about sex so much on your blog and even though you say some of your posts are fictional, you must like sex so much to have that kind of imagination. #Justsaying.
Me: Lolz….Gurl, you crack me up for sure. First of all…..(Not GO DOWN LOW O!...Lolz)…I don’t talk strictly sex on my blog. I talk music and subtle humour too. Secondly, though I actually jerk-off more than I do have sex, I sure love to have sex all the time…IF I CAN ACTUALLY. Though I’m more of a ‘Wankstar’ than a Pornstar, I regard myself as a nympho and I think about sex all the time, which is why my imagination runs wild enough to write about it often. I hope you’re satisfied with this response?
Chick: Hmmn…I see. And em…*GRIN* not quite! Are you on BBM?
Me: *rubs chin* Nah gurl! I rep #TeamNokia….lolz….Wanna gimme your pin?
Chick: SMH…..You are so funny mehn! And yeah I wanted to but you ain’t got a BB. Was thinking I could give you a little welcome-home treat for #TeamPerv’s sake but………………….
Me: CHEI! *rubs ballz* Little treat?? Em…em…I got Whatsapp on my Nokia though. How about you?
Chick: Lol…That dead app??? I used to have it on my BB but not anymore mehn!
Me: C’mon nau! That app ain’t as dead as you think. Why can’t you just download it temporarily for my sake ehn? C’mon gurl! Do it for my sake ehn? Do it for That Bloody Pervert. *perv smile*
Chick: Looool….You are so funny boy. You sure do WANT THIS though and I appreciate that. Okay, I hear ya. On one condition though!
Me: CHOI! *scratches head* em…what???
Chick: Do you do ‘Kush’??? I love to smoke-up before having sex. The feeling is always greater for me that way.
Me: *perv smile* Of course I do kush. Don’t know how to roll up though but I love me some haze.
Chick: Lol *smile* That’s alright then. I roll-up real good. Is Wednesday good for you?
Me: Any day is good for us baby….ANYDAY!
Chick: Fine then. Wednesday it is! You better get your A-game ready. I like a guy who practises what he preaches. (P.S – I saw your new pic on Facebook. CUTE!!!)
Me: *perv grin* Oh I’ma come through for you honey! You bet! Thanks and long live #TeamPerv!
Chick: Loool……LMAO….Cool! I’ll ping…sorry whatsapp you later….lol. And yeah! Long live #TeamPerv!...SMH
And that was how I successfully set P with this chick. Later on, I kept imagining how excited my hommie @StonerTeam would have been in my shoes. Weed and Sex??? Mayne that’s an awesome combination! But then, I suddenly remembered dad now came home at irregular hours from work and I couldn’t possibly let him catch me in the act. Not sex but weed smoking. For where? Im go just KILL ME DIE! Lolz……
An idea instantly hit me. A quite familiar idea anyway. I quickly put a call through to my older brother.
Me: Egbon I hail o! Abeg you go dey house on Wednesday? I wan come visit you.
Bro: Em….no actually. I go dey on my shift. I’ll be free on Friday though. Why don’t you visit then and we’ll go out and get you your usual? Legend Nigga! Hahaha!!!
Me: Cool bro but CHOI! Friday?? Choi! Em…abeg does T. Rex (my immediate younger brother) still have your spare key?
Bro: Huh? Come o! Dis one wey you dey “Choi” up and down so and asking for spare key. You don get another package wey you wan climb for my crib again abi? The key is with me o! Debola when you go change nau???
Me: Ah! Forget that one for now egbon. Change ke? Wo! Leave matter! And em…yes o! I get person wey wan visit me on Wednesday.
Bro: OHO! I see. So you really didn’t intend to visit me in the first place. You just wan use my crib fuck woman again?
Me: Ahn-ahn! No be so bro! Relax nau! I just wanted to kill two birds with one stone nau! Nor vex.
Bro: I hear you o! Me wey get the crib sef. I never fuck woman ontop my bed reach you. You almost flattened my mattress with that skinny Tope girl the last time. I have a new one now but sorry….you ain’t gon’ fuck on it. Hahahaha!
Me: Egbon, why you dey do me like this nau! Me sef go get my own bachelor pad someday o! God go soon bless me o! No worry, I no go let you fuck woman ontop my own bed when I get my place and e go pain you because na water-bed I go buy.
Bro: I hear you. I no kuku fuck reach you before. Nothing do you.
Me: Ehn..ehn! No wahala nau! I go call Rez ask if im own bonk go free then.
Bro: Hahahaha…..Na konji and woman go kill you! Was just joking joor. Of course T. Rex still has my spare key. Pick it up from him and ABEG…Sofri-sofri ontop my new mattress o! ABEG!
Me: Yayy! Sure egbon. We go do am small-small. Haha! Thanks! You tha best!
Bro: I hear you. Make I continue my work abeg before dem kon sack me. Later mehn!
Me: Okay. Thanks again. Love you!!! Haha!
Bro: You no well….gay muthafucker!….COMMOT FOR MY PHONE JARE! Mtscheew!
AND THE CRIB WAS SETTLED! YAY!!! I picked up the keys from my younger bro later that night and lied to my dad that I wanted to keep my egbon’s company from Wednesday till Friday at his place, adding that he would be off work then. Dad obliged and I was glad. By the next morning, I was off to the pad to prepare….*wink*
Yesterday morning, I got a Whatsapp message from ‘Chick’ asking if our ‘deal’ was still on to which I replied “Yes”. I sent her an address quickly and she promised to visit in the afternoon. Now ehn? I normally do 100 push-ups every morning but on this particular morning, I did 185. I wanted to make it 200 but mehn!....My hand bin nearly break o! Nor be small tin! Lolz…..
All through that morning, I kept tweeting my ‘Angelina Part 2’ blogpost link to my buddies repping #TeamPerv (including chick of course). I got good tweet comments from them too and that sincerely put me in high spirits. I even tweeted about Chick’s impending visit and asked my #TeamPerv mates if it was okay to blog about the sexcapade before ‘Angelina Part 3’ but none of them responded. Only @StonerTeam responded to my tweet about kushing up with Chick. Ma nigga, if you’re reading this, mayne this chick is definitely #TeamKush. We saluted Hades together in madt purple haze before descending upon ourselves. I’ma get to that part soon. *wink*. #NoHomo.
At about 3:47pm, Chick called to alert me that she was already at the bus stop and I should come pick her up as soon as possible. I quickly put on my Sean John T-shirt and walked briskly to meet her. Upon getting there…..GOSH! I mean WHAT DA FUCK???
I really couldn’t believe my eyes when I set them on her. Even all the okada men there were struggling to get her on their bikes. “Fine girl…fine girl, come make I carry you go any street wey you dey go” they kept bellowing. I couldn’t help but grant my jaw permission to drop and I stood to ogle at her from a short distance. Chick finally saw me and smiled. Mr. P quickly did Celine Dion and sang ‘I’m Alive’ instantly.
I approached her when I finally got myself together and my jaw was intact. All the okada men on seeing Chick and I stare, assess and embrace each other, got the message. “Ah! Oga…oga, make I carry you and madam. Make una come” came the new chant. I paid no attention to them at first, not because I’m a snub but because I was still thanking God and taking my time to fully take Chick’s view in. I needed to digest that sight because Chick was looking way hotter than how she appears in her avi or other Twitter pictures. Though she had a nice black T-shirt with the inscription ‘Like What You See? Ask For My Account No.’ on a tight-fitting pair of blue denim, All I could really see was her yansh. Her hair was nicely braided and she was a bit dark in complexion with an averagely pretty face, yet all that really caught my attention was her big bumbum. She looked about 5”7 ft tall with straight legs and feet buried in a white and black pair of peep-toe shoes but I couldn’t help but stare at her fantastic looking derriere. Even her jugs/titties/bobbie seemed medium-sized but I could care less really. Her big and heavy ‘Bakassi’ firmly secured my attention and had my gaze on lock-down, simply because I’m a very big fan of yansh. Yep! Word!.
“Well are you impressed?” I broke the silence between us followed by an innocent smile.
“Yeah. Sure! How about you?”
“Gurl, you have not the faintest of ideas. I could fucking do you right here and right now in front of everyone.” I ended up sharing a laugh with her at my own joke.
“You’re so funny and I like that. Taofeek right? Oh sorry! TBP please take me to your place. It’s so hot out here.”
“Right ma’am! Your wish is my command.” I tried to sound warm, polite and friendly. We rode on two separate bikes home simply because I feared Chick’s big yansh would not grant me enough space to sit behind her.
Once at home, I led Chick into my bro’s room where the television was already showing some music videos from SoundCity. Chick wasted no time in jumping onto the bed and on the new mattress.
“Nice! I like this mattress. It has a very soft feel. Is this where we’ll be practising what you preach?”
“Well yeah and thanks. It’s quite new though. Em…may I make a confession?”
“Go ahead. What’s on your mind?” she reached for a pillow, placed it against the wall and rested her back on it.
“I love your bumbum….Er…sorry. I meant your backside. It’s very sexy.”
Chick giggled. “You mean it’s very big and tempting right? Thanks for the compliment sha. I get that a lot. Don’t worry nau! *takes my right hand and places it in hers* you’ll get to relish it soon.” And she winked.
Mayne! Those words of hers drove me crazy. Infact Mr. P was already throbbing inside my trousers. I couldn’t wait for the action that was to come……I JUST COULDN’T WAIT!!!.....................................(To Be Concluded Tomorrow……I PROMISE!!!)
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Angelina & A Blowjob Scam (Part 2)
(A 50% Fiction, 50% Factual Story)
Hey you! *smile*. Wasup? Your bloody perv is back so without any further ado, ON WITH THE STORY!.....................HAHA!
Yeah! So you already know Angelina aka Angie Baby was already warming her way into T. Money’s lustful heart right? You already know she was pressing her slim and sexy body hard against his right? You probably guess that while she was gumming her plump bobbie against his hard chest, T. Money’s dick was charging and swelling with hot blood right? What else do you know then? Ehn??? Relax nau! No allow your own blood dey hot ehn? Lemme gist you…..Lolz.
While T. Money was enjoying free ‘current tapping’ from Angie Baby, I, General Yong and the other fella watched the ‘blue film’ that was taking place as our guy squeezed her sexy waist and pressed her yansh WELLA with his strong hands. Infact ehn, the way he kept squeezing that yansh got me scared that small ‘poo-poo’ would actually come out of it…lolz. And I don’t know about them guys o but me? Mayne ma dick was throbbing and screaming ANGELINA YANSH NA THE BEST WAY TO FUCK A PRICK!.....Lolz.
After the seemingly unending tapping came negotiation following T. Money’s “I wanna take you home baby gurl” and Angie Baby agreed to 3grand as payment for the service to be rendered. I’m sure she got a little scared when she realised her patron had some male company and that made her ask “Wait o! Shey na all of una wan fuck me? 3k no good for dat kain package o!”
T. Money laughed and quipped in his yankee accent “What? You mean you can take all of us? Mayne we are all able-bodied men gurl! Fully hot-blooded guys for that matter. You’d just die baby.”
Angelina seemed undaunted though. “Ah oga dat one na lie o! I reash to take all of una nau! Look me well nau! *turns round and flaunts her breasts and yansh* If una go pay my fee, I go fuck una sotey una go respect me. Me na Angie Baby naa!”
“Oh really? And how much would that be?” General Yong asked.
“10k” came her response with a straight face but T. Money would have none of that.
“You berra go get one of your friends gurl! Two of you will be fine. That’s how I want it.”
“Ehen? Okay nau! No problem. I dey come abeg ehn? Make una nor waka leave me o!” she begged and dashed inside the pub. By the time she was out, Angie was in the company of one yellow-pawpaw like that. The hoe had one funny-looking ‘shuku’ on her head and I couldn’t help but get offended by the sight of her big belly. Though she had a big arse, I just didn’t feel her at all. She looked like she had literally swallowed a crate of ‘Udeme’….lolz.
“Ah!” The General himself spoke now. “This one na racism nau! Chai!”
I was curious so I asked him “My General, whish one be racism again o?”
“Broda, you no see as dis geh yellow like Angie ni? Na racism be dat nau! Na chocolate geh im suppose don carry come so that e go be black and yellow…black and yellow….black and yellow!” Yong chuckled at his own humour and I followed suit.
“YEAH! AHAN! YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!” I rapped instantly.
“Black and yellow…black and yellow…black and yellow!” chorused all the fellas and we burst into a roaring alcoholic laughter.
Angelina and her friend stood there morose, watching us like statues with confused faces. They didn’t get the joke and I could swear they weren’t familiar with Wiz Khalifa’s popular song. They were probably the Flavour and Sunny Nneji type (no offense guys).
Shuku Big Belly broke the laughter though, “Ehn…make we dey go naa!” to which T. Money quickly responded, “Alright then! I hope your girlfriend has already told you how much we’re willing to pay?”
“Yes oga, make we dey go abeg. E don dey late”.
We all got into the Range and T. Money wheeled the machine out of the pub and into the streets. Soon enough, we were already on the express and on our way to the crib. On the way though, things got really funny, yet frustrating for General Yong.
Gen. Yong: *squeezing Shuku’s buttocks* Come, make I feel you small.
Shuku: *frowns seriously and pushes Yong’s hand away from her yansh* Ahn-ahn! Which one be dis nau? You nor go wait make we reash house before you start to dey press my bodi anyhow???
Gen. Yong: *frowns in return* Wetin dey worry you nau? Shey I nor fit sample you again ni?
(Everyone else in the car chuckles and turns to watch the drama except T. Money who is risking our safety by fondling Angie’s breasts while driving….smh)
Shuku: No be only sample, na Ekwe. Abeg, you carry me to fuck so wait till we reash house. If we reash, WE GO FUCK.
Gen. Yong: Come, wetin dey worry you sef? Na where you from even come?
Shuku: Na your village I from come nau. Nothing dey worry me o! I no kon know if anything dey worry you. *hisses*
Me: Eh! Na wa o! Angie, whish kain friend you carry follow us naa???
Angie: *still enjoying T. Money’s smooching*… *laughs*…Na my friend o! No mind am. Na so she take dey follow person play.
Gen. Yong: *enraged now*…Which kain yeye play be dat? Look you dis girl *faces Shuku* E be like say suntin dey worry you and e nor possible make you come from ma place because people from my place nor dey do ashewo work. *hisses*
Shuku: *enraged as well*…EHN??? Who be ashawo? WHO YOU DEY CALL ASHAWO???
Me: OH OH!
Gen. Yong: You dey craze ni? Wetin kon be your work nau?
Shuku: Look Mr. man, I be HUZZLER you hear? I nor be ashawo. Na your sisters for house be ashawo!!!. *hisses*
(Mayne, you should have been there to see my guy’s face just then. It was fucking red with hot blood.)
Gen. Yong: WHAT!!! T. Money abeg pull over. Dis idiot nor fit follow us reach house o! Ehn? Me? Na me you dey open your dirty mouth dey follow talk like dat abi? You know who I be??? I go thruway you for inside bush now and nothing go happen.
(You bet Shuku didn’t keep quiet at that. She insulted my one and only General who got more and more angry. More hot words were exchanged and it took the serious efforts of Angelina, myself, T. Money and the other dude in the ride to calm things down before we arrived home.
Hmmn…..WHEN WE ARRIVED HOME NKO? That was when my own drama started………………………………..(To Be Continued).
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Hey you! *smile*. Wasup? Your bloody perv is back so without any further ado, ON WITH THE STORY!.....................HAHA!
Yeah! So you already know Angelina aka Angie Baby was already warming her way into T. Money’s lustful heart right? You already know she was pressing her slim and sexy body hard against his right? You probably guess that while she was gumming her plump bobbie against his hard chest, T. Money’s dick was charging and swelling with hot blood right? What else do you know then? Ehn??? Relax nau! No allow your own blood dey hot ehn? Lemme gist you…..Lolz.
While T. Money was enjoying free ‘current tapping’ from Angie Baby, I, General Yong and the other fella watched the ‘blue film’ that was taking place as our guy squeezed her sexy waist and pressed her yansh WELLA with his strong hands. Infact ehn, the way he kept squeezing that yansh got me scared that small ‘poo-poo’ would actually come out of it…lolz. And I don’t know about them guys o but me? Mayne ma dick was throbbing and screaming ANGELINA YANSH NA THE BEST WAY TO FUCK A PRICK!.....Lolz.
After the seemingly unending tapping came negotiation following T. Money’s “I wanna take you home baby gurl” and Angie Baby agreed to 3grand as payment for the service to be rendered. I’m sure she got a little scared when she realised her patron had some male company and that made her ask “Wait o! Shey na all of una wan fuck me? 3k no good for dat kain package o!”
T. Money laughed and quipped in his yankee accent “What? You mean you can take all of us? Mayne we are all able-bodied men gurl! Fully hot-blooded guys for that matter. You’d just die baby.”
Angelina seemed undaunted though. “Ah oga dat one na lie o! I reash to take all of una nau! Look me well nau! *turns round and flaunts her breasts and yansh* If una go pay my fee, I go fuck una sotey una go respect me. Me na Angie Baby naa!”
“Oh really? And how much would that be?” General Yong asked.
“10k” came her response with a straight face but T. Money would have none of that.
“You berra go get one of your friends gurl! Two of you will be fine. That’s how I want it.”
“Ehen? Okay nau! No problem. I dey come abeg ehn? Make una nor waka leave me o!” she begged and dashed inside the pub. By the time she was out, Angie was in the company of one yellow-pawpaw like that. The hoe had one funny-looking ‘shuku’ on her head and I couldn’t help but get offended by the sight of her big belly. Though she had a big arse, I just didn’t feel her at all. She looked like she had literally swallowed a crate of ‘Udeme’….lolz.
“Ah!” The General himself spoke now. “This one na racism nau! Chai!”
I was curious so I asked him “My General, whish one be racism again o?”
“Broda, you no see as dis geh yellow like Angie ni? Na racism be dat nau! Na chocolate geh im suppose don carry come so that e go be black and yellow…black and yellow….black and yellow!” Yong chuckled at his own humour and I followed suit.
“YEAH! AHAN! YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!” I rapped instantly.
“Black and yellow…black and yellow…black and yellow!” chorused all the fellas and we burst into a roaring alcoholic laughter.
Angelina and her friend stood there morose, watching us like statues with confused faces. They didn’t get the joke and I could swear they weren’t familiar with Wiz Khalifa’s popular song. They were probably the Flavour and Sunny Nneji type (no offense guys).
Shuku Big Belly broke the laughter though, “Ehn…make we dey go naa!” to which T. Money quickly responded, “Alright then! I hope your girlfriend has already told you how much we’re willing to pay?”
“Yes oga, make we dey go abeg. E don dey late”.
We all got into the Range and T. Money wheeled the machine out of the pub and into the streets. Soon enough, we were already on the express and on our way to the crib. On the way though, things got really funny, yet frustrating for General Yong.
Gen. Yong: *squeezing Shuku’s buttocks* Come, make I feel you small.
Shuku: *frowns seriously and pushes Yong’s hand away from her yansh* Ahn-ahn! Which one be dis nau? You nor go wait make we reash house before you start to dey press my bodi anyhow???
Gen. Yong: *frowns in return* Wetin dey worry you nau? Shey I nor fit sample you again ni?
(Everyone else in the car chuckles and turns to watch the drama except T. Money who is risking our safety by fondling Angie’s breasts while driving….smh)
Shuku: No be only sample, na Ekwe. Abeg, you carry me to fuck so wait till we reash house. If we reash, WE GO FUCK.
Gen. Yong: Come, wetin dey worry you sef? Na where you from even come?
Shuku: Na your village I from come nau. Nothing dey worry me o! I no kon know if anything dey worry you. *hisses*
Me: Eh! Na wa o! Angie, whish kain friend you carry follow us naa???
Angie: *still enjoying T. Money’s smooching*… *laughs*…Na my friend o! No mind am. Na so she take dey follow person play.
Gen. Yong: *enraged now*…Which kain yeye play be dat? Look you dis girl *faces Shuku* E be like say suntin dey worry you and e nor possible make you come from ma place because people from my place nor dey do ashewo work. *hisses*
Shuku: *enraged as well*…EHN??? Who be ashawo? WHO YOU DEY CALL ASHAWO???
Me: OH OH!
Gen. Yong: You dey craze ni? Wetin kon be your work nau?
Shuku: Look Mr. man, I be HUZZLER you hear? I nor be ashawo. Na your sisters for house be ashawo!!!. *hisses*
(Mayne, you should have been there to see my guy’s face just then. It was fucking red with hot blood.)
Gen. Yong: WHAT!!! T. Money abeg pull over. Dis idiot nor fit follow us reach house o! Ehn? Me? Na me you dey open your dirty mouth dey follow talk like dat abi? You know who I be??? I go thruway you for inside bush now and nothing go happen.
(You bet Shuku didn’t keep quiet at that. She insulted my one and only General who got more and more angry. More hot words were exchanged and it took the serious efforts of Angelina, myself, T. Money and the other dude in the ride to calm things down before we arrived home.
Hmmn…..WHEN WE ARRIVED HOME NKO? That was when my own drama started………………………………..(To Be Continued).
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Friday, November 23, 2012
The Chick On The Ride Home
Heyyy……*covers face in shame*. Okay, okay….*sigh* I’ll just spill it out now – I’M SORRY! I swear it was my step-bro who prevented me from posting this before now! He didn’t even let me take a bath upon my arrival. He just whisked me away to our neighbourhood pub and seriously dealt with me with stout and suya. By the time we got back home, I was too tipsy to even locate the ‘ON’ knob on my computer so I slept off jejely. Nor vex abeg!
And oh yeah! My bad again. I know you’re most likely expecting me to continue the tale about ‘Angelina’ right now. I wanna do so too but like I said in one of my tweets the day before yesterday, I just gotta share with you what happened to me on the ride home. Some funny and pervy shit it is I tell ya! Lolz………….
So, it so happened that I boarded a public vehicle at Challenge Roundabout in Ibadan, like I normally do anyway. This time though, I opted for a nice-looking Toyota Sienna to give my long legs some extra room. I regarded the extra N500 as a worthy sacrifice and worthy it truly ended up being…..*smile*. Allow me explain.
You see, after confirming that the vehicle was actually going to get to my stop, I asked a fella with deeply-cut facial marks who was already seated by the window side in the middle if the school bag next to him belonged to another passenger and he nodded in reply. I then proceeded to the back seat and got comfortable. Oh how I fumed with anger when this tribal-marked muthafucker carried the bag and placed it on his laps to encourage a pretty-looking female corper to take her seat beside him. That school bag had belonged to the idiot the whole time. Such buffoonery!
“But guy, I asked you if that seat was already taken and you said yes.”
“Ehn…yes. What happen is that somebody is told me to keep the space for her that she is go to buy something and that she is come back soon.” The idiot said.
“Ehen! So you’re supposed to be keeping that space for someone yet you kindly allowed this young lady take the seat? What then will you tell that person when she returns?” I tried to probe the fool further and unintentionally ended up getting the innocent corper’s attention.
“Em…excuse me but has this seat already been taken?” she asked. She and I then threw our stares at the ma’fucker. Although, while hers was the innocent curiosity stare, mine was the one of annoyance.
“Ah! No o! Em…you see, that person have take a long time to come back sef. I don’t think she is want to come back again”. Mayne!....I just couldn’t help but shake my head at this point and one elderly man in the front seat threw a sweet jibe at the fool to make me feel better and him, remorseful.
“My friend, don’t mind him ojere. He was probably saving that seat for somebody with breasts”.
Papa and I with another middle-aged looking woman sitting beside the driver’s seat suddenly burst out in laughter over that hilarious remark. “Papa must be #TeamPerv” I thought right after, but don’t worry….. I didn’t ask him if he was on Twitter…..Lolz.
I must confess though that our pretty corper wasn’t quite amused by the joke. She knew the joke was about her and her soon-to-be trip partner and she scrunched up her face immediately. “Abeg o! Shey na me send am message make she get bobbie ni? Na she sabi.” I knew there was hardly anyway ma idiotic friend would be getting any positive attention from her now and I laughed….only now, on the inside.
We were just two passengers short for a drive-off now and while I decided to kill time by listening to music with my cute earphones, ‘fight-lion’ brother was struggling to redeem his wounded pride. He kept brandishing his probably London-used Blackberry Bold 2 till I suspected he was desperate to show-off his pinging-gadget to his female nation-serving companion and probably get the much desired attention from her. All that changed though when she brought out her own brand new Blackberry Curve 7. The fool just gently ceased waving his phone about, took out his own earpiece and copied me in listening to whatever music he had on his phone……most likely music from Osupa Saheed…..Lolz.
I relaxed and sat back there for a while not knowing something cool was coming my way and when it finally did some five minutes later, it came in the form of another pretty young thing…..YES! A another female….*wink*.
“Hello. May I please join you?” she asked me in a soft and sweet voice.
Gladly, my music wasn’t turned up so loud so I heard her. “Sure. Why not?” I replied with a straight face. Trust me though, it wasn’t easy doing that with an unconcerned face because this chick was definitely pleasant to the sight. In her yellow top and brown skinny jeans, she looked beautiful. Her face was really quite pretty and it was partly covered by strands of her rich and shiny black hair. Although she had slightly large ears, her green eyes, small nose and thin lips gave her face a pleasant look but it was actually her body that got the most of my attention. I very much appreciated her flat looking tummy, curvy hips and big backside despite being quite slim. And oh yeah! She had a nice chest. Her medium sized titties jutted out from her top with the inscription “You think I’m beautiful? I think I’m beyond it *smile*”.
Though I was sexually attracted to her, I made up my mind not to give a fuck or act overly friendly during the journey. I already knew what chicks who thought they were beautiful did to male admirers. They were usually full of themselves once they suspected a dude was interested in being friendly. I wasn’t going to ‘send’ her. I was going to listen to my music all the way till I got to my stop.
‘Fight-lion’ fool proved to be even more foolish now. Though he already had a female companion by his side, he kept throwing and stealing glances at my neighbour’s way. His situation got so pathetic when he asked her for the time and I simply shook my head in disgust. “Shey na the two gehs im wan set P with ni??? Ode buruku!
The last passenger came finally and after we all filled in the necessary information on a register, we set off immediately for Lagos. I smiled inside. “Lasgidi her I come!” and that was just when cool shit started happening to me….lolz.
15 minutes into the drive, my pretty-looking neighbour brought out a pack containing fried rice and chicken as well as a bottle of Mirinda from her bag. I was still listening to music while she took her meal out but I saw her. I didn’t even bother to give her a glance because I was determined to mind my own business all through the journey. The fool in front of us however, kept straining his neck to give back glances at her as if he had never seen rice and chicken before in his life and I pitied him. “Na woman go kill you, dis guy” I said to myself and changed the track on my Westlife playlist. Don’t mind me o! I was in a Westlife mood then. It had been very long since I listened to any of the band’s songs.
A gentle tap on the shoulder got me pausing ‘When you’re looking like that’ and facing the pretty neighbour. “Would you like to join me?” she asked with a very tempting smile. If by ‘join me’, she meant join her in massaging her lips with mine, I would have gladly screamed YES! However I was certain she meant eating so I declined politely.
“Em…thank you but I’m fine. You’re very kind though” and I gave her a warm, friendly smile. She nodded in response and continued eating while I went back to Westlife, not knowing she wasn’t through with me just yet……not just yet…..lolz.
I caught her pick up her chicken, take a bite out of it and place it back onto her plastic plate before tapping me on the shoulder again. I paused ‘Loneliness’ and turned to my left to face her again.
“Do pardon me for disturbing your pleasure. It just suddenly hit me. Why did you say I was very kind please?”
“Well..em…it was only polite that I said that you know? Not many people would be willing to share their meals of fried rice and tasty-looking chicken with a total stranger in a public vehicle.” I smiled again and pretty neighbour chuckled.
“Wow! You’re funny. Tasty looking chicken indeed. It’s only chicken you know? No big deal!” and she chuckled again.
“Well, I’m sorry but chicken is a big deal where I rep. Some of us only get to eat that once a week at Madam Turkey’s joint.”
Pretty neighbour was obviously digging my subtle humour for she laughed hard this time. “Madam Turkey’s joint? Where in the world is that and do pardon me for prying but where do you actually rep so I can play my part in helping the needy and make chicken not so a big deal?” she giggled this time and I guessed she secretly hoped I didn’t find that offensive. I didn’t anyway ‘cos I knew she was only trying to be friendly with this fine and nice looking young man…..lolz.
I faked a laugh before saying “Dearest Madam Turkey’s joint is somewhere in Challenge. The boys visit there strictly on Sundays. I rep Barracks Hostel by the way and you sure you’re serious about helping the needy? I don’t think it’s a wise choice o!” I tried to humour her some more.
“But why?”
“Well, first of all, Barracks Hostel is a notorious place. Secondly, with a body like yours, you might end up being the chicken and being feasted on.” I struggled with myself not to laugh so hard after that silly comment.
“Are you passing me a compliment by any chance? And my body? What’s wrong with it?”
“Yes and oh no! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Matter of fact, if you came to serve me chicken in my hostel, I’d be the first to hit that.” I winked afterwards.
I’m so fucking glad pretty neighbour didn’t take it the wrong way. Giving me a look of amazement with a dropped jaw, she said “Oh my! You’re such a perv!”
Oh how ecstatic I was upon hearing that. I grinned like a child and said “Why, thank you so damn much. That’s a real compliment.”
“Gosh! You regard being called a pervert a compliment?” You’re so funny.
“Gurl, you can’t understand, trust me.”
“Oh really? Make me then!”
“Nah! It’s kinda complicated. I doubt that you’d talk to me again if I did.”
“Oh pretty please!” she squealed. “Try me”.
“Okay! But remember, I warned you.” She smiled and I proceeded to log into my Twitter account. I went straight to my favourites and gave her my phone. It didn’t take long before her jaw dropped again and she looked at me suspiciously.
“Oh my God! I can’t believe what I’m seeing. This is nonsense from the top all the way down. Even your name is so sick. Oh my! You truly pride yourself in being a perv, don’t you?” She quickly passed my phone back and shook her head. I wasn’t quite sure if she did that in disgust or pity.
“Don’t mind me jare! That’s simply me for you.” I smiled at her.
“I sure can see that. Goodluck to you I guess. I could have easily followed you on Twitter but with what I’ve seen…HELL NO! *chuckles*. Em…yeah! You mentioned staying in a hostel. Do you study at U.I?”
“HEY! Take a chill pill gurl!” I started. “Don’t you think you know so much about me already? I mean, I don’t even know anything about you yet and that ain’t fair.” I tried to fake a frown and it worked.
“Oh I’m so sorry” she tendered. “My name is Folake and I just started my training at Zenith Bank. I just got the job and I live in Lagos but will be relocating to Ibadan soon. So there! Do tell me where you school now please?”
“LeadCity University” I said proudly and with a smile.
“Oh really? Nice! Em..course and level please?” she asked again.
“Mass communication. 700 level” I chuckled at that.
“Huh? 700 level??? There’s no such thing in any Nigerian University nau! Be serious joor!” She put up a frown now and that made me laugh some more.
“I’m dead serious gurl! 700 level is the code name for Master’s class in LCU. 600 for post graduate diploma 800 for M.Phil and 900 for Ph.D.”
“Really? Wow! That’s interesting.” She said. She then proceeded to ask me more questions about school and I did the same about hers and work so there would be no cheating….lolz
When all the questions had been asked and answered, she permitted me to go back to my music. That didn’t take long however because I had only listened to one more track before she tapped me again.
"Where are we now please?" she asked.
“Er...I'm not sure really but gurl, I sincerely don’t mean to be rude but this is the third time you’ve tapped me temptingly. May I do some tapping of my own?”
She laughed hard upon hearing this and said “So you want to retaliate abi? Okay. Go ahead.” I’m sure she expected me to touch her on her shoulder but I ended up surprising her by rubbing her right lap. Mayne! That feel of her thick thigh was awesome and I instantly felt Mr. P come alive.
“What!...What do you think you’re doing young man? My shoulder is up here!” she protested.
“Yeah I know but this is how I actually prefer to revenge. You chose my shoulder….I choose your sexy thigh.”
She quickly brushed my hand off her thigh and said “Boy, you need deliverance, trust me.”
“Indeed I do. How would you like to deliver me then? We can do it privately you know? Just you, I and Mr. P.”
“And who’s that?” she asked.
“Oh! That’s my little friend here.” I pointed to my pants to let her see the bulge that had formed there. She seemed flabbergasted.
“Do you get turned on so easily or do you just find me sexually attractive?” she pored into my eyes and asked.
“Well, both I must confess.” I smiled yet again.
“I see. So if you and I were to hook-up tonight, what exactly would you do to me?”
“Well that’s easy” here, take I said, handing her my earphones. As soon as she plugged them into her ears, I reduced the volume and played Westlife’s - ‘Lay my love on you’.
“Huh? You mean you would lay your love on me??? But we’re not in love you know?”
“Of course not! I made you listen to that song for a reason. Now here’s exactly what I’ll do to you dear”. I winked at her and began singing…………………………….
I’ll lay ma rod on you
It’s all I wanna do
And once I do, I swear you’ll feel brand new
Please open up your thighs……show me wetness so I can run my rod right through………..
And watch me lay ma ROD ON YOU!!!
Folake got the message. We couldn’t hook-up that same night but we’ll be doing so tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
And oh yeah! My bad again. I know you’re most likely expecting me to continue the tale about ‘Angelina’ right now. I wanna do so too but like I said in one of my tweets the day before yesterday, I just gotta share with you what happened to me on the ride home. Some funny and pervy shit it is I tell ya! Lolz………….
So, it so happened that I boarded a public vehicle at Challenge Roundabout in Ibadan, like I normally do anyway. This time though, I opted for a nice-looking Toyota Sienna to give my long legs some extra room. I regarded the extra N500 as a worthy sacrifice and worthy it truly ended up being…..*smile*. Allow me explain.
You see, after confirming that the vehicle was actually going to get to my stop, I asked a fella with deeply-cut facial marks who was already seated by the window side in the middle if the school bag next to him belonged to another passenger and he nodded in reply. I then proceeded to the back seat and got comfortable. Oh how I fumed with anger when this tribal-marked muthafucker carried the bag and placed it on his laps to encourage a pretty-looking female corper to take her seat beside him. That school bag had belonged to the idiot the whole time. Such buffoonery!
“But guy, I asked you if that seat was already taken and you said yes.”
“Ehn…yes. What happen is that somebody is told me to keep the space for her that she is go to buy something and that she is come back soon.” The idiot said.
“Ehen! So you’re supposed to be keeping that space for someone yet you kindly allowed this young lady take the seat? What then will you tell that person when she returns?” I tried to probe the fool further and unintentionally ended up getting the innocent corper’s attention.
“Em…excuse me but has this seat already been taken?” she asked. She and I then threw our stares at the ma’fucker. Although, while hers was the innocent curiosity stare, mine was the one of annoyance.
“Ah! No o! Em…you see, that person have take a long time to come back sef. I don’t think she is want to come back again”. Mayne!....I just couldn’t help but shake my head at this point and one elderly man in the front seat threw a sweet jibe at the fool to make me feel better and him, remorseful.
“My friend, don’t mind him ojere. He was probably saving that seat for somebody with breasts”.
Papa and I with another middle-aged looking woman sitting beside the driver’s seat suddenly burst out in laughter over that hilarious remark. “Papa must be #TeamPerv” I thought right after, but don’t worry….. I didn’t ask him if he was on Twitter…..Lolz.
I must confess though that our pretty corper wasn’t quite amused by the joke. She knew the joke was about her and her soon-to-be trip partner and she scrunched up her face immediately. “Abeg o! Shey na me send am message make she get bobbie ni? Na she sabi.” I knew there was hardly anyway ma idiotic friend would be getting any positive attention from her now and I laughed….only now, on the inside.
We were just two passengers short for a drive-off now and while I decided to kill time by listening to music with my cute earphones, ‘fight-lion’ brother was struggling to redeem his wounded pride. He kept brandishing his probably London-used Blackberry Bold 2 till I suspected he was desperate to show-off his pinging-gadget to his female nation-serving companion and probably get the much desired attention from her. All that changed though when she brought out her own brand new Blackberry Curve 7. The fool just gently ceased waving his phone about, took out his own earpiece and copied me in listening to whatever music he had on his phone……most likely music from Osupa Saheed…..Lolz.
I relaxed and sat back there for a while not knowing something cool was coming my way and when it finally did some five minutes later, it came in the form of another pretty young thing…..YES! A another female….*wink*.
“Hello. May I please join you?” she asked me in a soft and sweet voice.
Gladly, my music wasn’t turned up so loud so I heard her. “Sure. Why not?” I replied with a straight face. Trust me though, it wasn’t easy doing that with an unconcerned face because this chick was definitely pleasant to the sight. In her yellow top and brown skinny jeans, she looked beautiful. Her face was really quite pretty and it was partly covered by strands of her rich and shiny black hair. Although she had slightly large ears, her green eyes, small nose and thin lips gave her face a pleasant look but it was actually her body that got the most of my attention. I very much appreciated her flat looking tummy, curvy hips and big backside despite being quite slim. And oh yeah! She had a nice chest. Her medium sized titties jutted out from her top with the inscription “You think I’m beautiful? I think I’m beyond it *smile*”.
Though I was sexually attracted to her, I made up my mind not to give a fuck or act overly friendly during the journey. I already knew what chicks who thought they were beautiful did to male admirers. They were usually full of themselves once they suspected a dude was interested in being friendly. I wasn’t going to ‘send’ her. I was going to listen to my music all the way till I got to my stop.
‘Fight-lion’ fool proved to be even more foolish now. Though he already had a female companion by his side, he kept throwing and stealing glances at my neighbour’s way. His situation got so pathetic when he asked her for the time and I simply shook my head in disgust. “Shey na the two gehs im wan set P with ni??? Ode buruku!
The last passenger came finally and after we all filled in the necessary information on a register, we set off immediately for Lagos. I smiled inside. “Lasgidi her I come!” and that was just when cool shit started happening to me….lolz.
15 minutes into the drive, my pretty-looking neighbour brought out a pack containing fried rice and chicken as well as a bottle of Mirinda from her bag. I was still listening to music while she took her meal out but I saw her. I didn’t even bother to give her a glance because I was determined to mind my own business all through the journey. The fool in front of us however, kept straining his neck to give back glances at her as if he had never seen rice and chicken before in his life and I pitied him. “Na woman go kill you, dis guy” I said to myself and changed the track on my Westlife playlist. Don’t mind me o! I was in a Westlife mood then. It had been very long since I listened to any of the band’s songs.
A gentle tap on the shoulder got me pausing ‘When you’re looking like that’ and facing the pretty neighbour. “Would you like to join me?” she asked with a very tempting smile. If by ‘join me’, she meant join her in massaging her lips with mine, I would have gladly screamed YES! However I was certain she meant eating so I declined politely.
“Em…thank you but I’m fine. You’re very kind though” and I gave her a warm, friendly smile. She nodded in response and continued eating while I went back to Westlife, not knowing she wasn’t through with me just yet……not just yet…..lolz.
I caught her pick up her chicken, take a bite out of it and place it back onto her plastic plate before tapping me on the shoulder again. I paused ‘Loneliness’ and turned to my left to face her again.
“Do pardon me for disturbing your pleasure. It just suddenly hit me. Why did you say I was very kind please?”
“Well..em…it was only polite that I said that you know? Not many people would be willing to share their meals of fried rice and tasty-looking chicken with a total stranger in a public vehicle.” I smiled again and pretty neighbour chuckled.
“Wow! You’re funny. Tasty looking chicken indeed. It’s only chicken you know? No big deal!” and she chuckled again.
“Well, I’m sorry but chicken is a big deal where I rep. Some of us only get to eat that once a week at Madam Turkey’s joint.”
Pretty neighbour was obviously digging my subtle humour for she laughed hard this time. “Madam Turkey’s joint? Where in the world is that and do pardon me for prying but where do you actually rep so I can play my part in helping the needy and make chicken not so a big deal?” she giggled this time and I guessed she secretly hoped I didn’t find that offensive. I didn’t anyway ‘cos I knew she was only trying to be friendly with this fine and nice looking young man…..lolz.
I faked a laugh before saying “Dearest Madam Turkey’s joint is somewhere in Challenge. The boys visit there strictly on Sundays. I rep Barracks Hostel by the way and you sure you’re serious about helping the needy? I don’t think it’s a wise choice o!” I tried to humour her some more.
“But why?”
“Well, first of all, Barracks Hostel is a notorious place. Secondly, with a body like yours, you might end up being the chicken and being feasted on.” I struggled with myself not to laugh so hard after that silly comment.
“Are you passing me a compliment by any chance? And my body? What’s wrong with it?”
“Yes and oh no! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Matter of fact, if you came to serve me chicken in my hostel, I’d be the first to hit that.” I winked afterwards.
I’m so fucking glad pretty neighbour didn’t take it the wrong way. Giving me a look of amazement with a dropped jaw, she said “Oh my! You’re such a perv!”
Oh how ecstatic I was upon hearing that. I grinned like a child and said “Why, thank you so damn much. That’s a real compliment.”
“Gosh! You regard being called a pervert a compliment?” You’re so funny.
“Gurl, you can’t understand, trust me.”
“Oh really? Make me then!”
“Nah! It’s kinda complicated. I doubt that you’d talk to me again if I did.”
“Oh pretty please!” she squealed. “Try me”.
“Okay! But remember, I warned you.” She smiled and I proceeded to log into my Twitter account. I went straight to my favourites and gave her my phone. It didn’t take long before her jaw dropped again and she looked at me suspiciously.
“Oh my God! I can’t believe what I’m seeing. This is nonsense from the top all the way down. Even your name is so sick. Oh my! You truly pride yourself in being a perv, don’t you?” She quickly passed my phone back and shook her head. I wasn’t quite sure if she did that in disgust or pity.
“Don’t mind me jare! That’s simply me for you.” I smiled at her.
“I sure can see that. Goodluck to you I guess. I could have easily followed you on Twitter but with what I’ve seen…HELL NO! *chuckles*. Em…yeah! You mentioned staying in a hostel. Do you study at U.I?”
“HEY! Take a chill pill gurl!” I started. “Don’t you think you know so much about me already? I mean, I don’t even know anything about you yet and that ain’t fair.” I tried to fake a frown and it worked.
“Oh I’m so sorry” she tendered. “My name is Folake and I just started my training at Zenith Bank. I just got the job and I live in Lagos but will be relocating to Ibadan soon. So there! Do tell me where you school now please?”
“LeadCity University” I said proudly and with a smile.
“Oh really? Nice! Em..course and level please?” she asked again.
“Mass communication. 700 level” I chuckled at that.
“Huh? 700 level??? There’s no such thing in any Nigerian University nau! Be serious joor!” She put up a frown now and that made me laugh some more.
“I’m dead serious gurl! 700 level is the code name for Master’s class in LCU. 600 for post graduate diploma 800 for M.Phil and 900 for Ph.D.”
“Really? Wow! That’s interesting.” She said. She then proceeded to ask me more questions about school and I did the same about hers and work so there would be no cheating….lolz
When all the questions had been asked and answered, she permitted me to go back to my music. That didn’t take long however because I had only listened to one more track before she tapped me again.
"Where are we now please?" she asked.
“Er...I'm not sure really but gurl, I sincerely don’t mean to be rude but this is the third time you’ve tapped me temptingly. May I do some tapping of my own?”
She laughed hard upon hearing this and said “So you want to retaliate abi? Okay. Go ahead.” I’m sure she expected me to touch her on her shoulder but I ended up surprising her by rubbing her right lap. Mayne! That feel of her thick thigh was awesome and I instantly felt Mr. P come alive.
“What!...What do you think you’re doing young man? My shoulder is up here!” she protested.
“Yeah I know but this is how I actually prefer to revenge. You chose my shoulder….I choose your sexy thigh.”
She quickly brushed my hand off her thigh and said “Boy, you need deliverance, trust me.”
“Indeed I do. How would you like to deliver me then? We can do it privately you know? Just you, I and Mr. P.”
“And who’s that?” she asked.
“Oh! That’s my little friend here.” I pointed to my pants to let her see the bulge that had formed there. She seemed flabbergasted.
“Do you get turned on so easily or do you just find me sexually attractive?” she pored into my eyes and asked.
“Well, both I must confess.” I smiled yet again.
“I see. So if you and I were to hook-up tonight, what exactly would you do to me?”
“Well that’s easy” here, take I said, handing her my earphones. As soon as she plugged them into her ears, I reduced the volume and played Westlife’s - ‘Lay my love on you’.
“Huh? You mean you would lay your love on me??? But we’re not in love you know?”
“Of course not! I made you listen to that song for a reason. Now here’s exactly what I’ll do to you dear”. I winked at her and began singing…………………………….
I’ll lay ma rod on you
It’s all I wanna do
And once I do, I swear you’ll feel brand new
Please open up your thighs……show me wetness so I can run my rod right through………..
And watch me lay ma ROD ON YOU!!!
Folake got the message. We couldn’t hook-up that same night but we’ll be doing so tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Angelina & A Blowjob Scam.
(A 50% Fiction, 50% Factual Story)
Mayne I won’t lie! It was fun all through for me last Saturday. As iiinnnn!….that day was totally, completely and purely CRAZY. Word yo! A big shout-out and huge thanks go out to the entire crew who made it possible, led by my old buddy from Lagos State University (LASU) – General Yong aka @efeyong. Thanks for a swell time bruv! I sure do earnestly look forward to another…..*wink*….but em….#NoHomo….Hehehe……...
Yeah! The events of last Saturday, without a doubt, jolted my memory on an almost similar incident which took place very early this year with some members of my real crew – The Nobles…………. (No offense Yong). Just like the very recent one, there was more than enough booze; there were hoes and there was almost an orgy…..Lolz. Allow me quickly run you through what went down recently first before I tell the main tale and maybe….just maybe you might appreciate the sick humour I have to share with you in this post…..*smile*.
Now on the Saturday that just went by, I must confess that I unusually started it early with alcohol. You know I rep Legend Extra Stout now right? Yeah! That shit is definitely now in the open and my brand has finally come out of the closet. Anyway, one of my hostel mates was kind enough to offer me two bottles of the awesome black stuff while we battled for supremacy in our Chelsea vs. Barcelona match, courtesy of one nigga’s PlayStation 3. I ended up losing the match though and while I patiently waited for my next chance at pride redemption, I decided to log into Twitter in my very usual manner via auracoolonline.com. I had quite a few messages from #TeamPerv tweeps over my recent success of recording 50 blogposts in such a short time but one message in particular got me smiling like a fool who had just been lovestruck. It came from none other than General Yong himself; an old friend from an institution where Great Lasuites are made, informing me that he was an hour and a half close to my current city – Ibadan and he would be happy to reunite with an old buddy of his during his brief stay. I used the digits he left behind to reach him instantly and plan a hook-up time. That came sooner than I actually expected……..Barely 45 minutes after…..Lolz.
So there and then, I took my already intoxicated self on the road to a quite unfamiliar territory in the ancient city on a mission to reunite with my old pal. That trip proved to be worth the while indeed for mad, sick and stupendous fun awaited me as a surprise. I met my buddy in almost a similar state as mine. He was also quite as tipsy as I was and he had also grown a beard like I finally have….lolz. The only things that made the difference were that he now bore a new sobriquet – General Yong, and he visited in a 2012 Land Rover HSE Sport Utility Vehicle along with his right-hand man – T. Money. Yep! YEP! When you’re big, trust me, you’re definitely big! Nuff said!
So anyway, I reunited with ‘The General’, got introduced to T.Money and the fun began. Both General Yong and his ‘Sidekick’ proved themselves to be real super heroes and lavished me with tasty food and more ‘black’ drinks than I could manage. To be honest, I can’t recall ever taking up to seven bottles at any particular sitting. DAMN! Was I fucking wasted when I was done drinking. I bet that if not for the sheer fact that I shook-off some of the liquor through some serious dancing, I would have blacked-out right there on my seat….lolz. But seriously though, you should have been there to see my eyes…..RED AS FUCK! I shook my head a great deal when Yong was kind enough to send me one of the few pictures he took of me that very evening and even tagged some other great Lasuites in it. I was like WHAT DA FUCK! Na me be dis??? Lolz……..
Yeah! Best believe General Yong and T. Money joined in the dancing too. As a matter of fact, I almost learnt a new dance move that evening from Yong. He called it the ‘Groundnut-Eating Style’ and it was simply a cool variant of the currently reigning ‘Etighi dance’ that we normally put up here to matching music. Anyway, I think I almost got the moves right there and then but ask me to attempt that again now and I would simply make a fool of myself. Why??? Because the dance moves left me with all the sweet ‘highness’ that’s why!!!.....Hehehehe……………………
Mayne, it was good booze, delicious food and sweet music all the way while the General and I caught up on old times from our academic days. When it became quite late in the evening, I decided to bid everyone farewell and call it a night but that was exactly when T. Money became my best friend.
“Mehn! With all this fun we’ve been having, e be like say na only toto remain to fuck now o!” he said with a chuckle.
My eyes brightened quickly at those words and it seemed like some of the alcohol had suddenly evaporated from my system. I just couldn’t agree more. Best believe this perv is always like that. My idea of a complete fun hang-out involves eating, drinking, dancing and fucking some pretty bad-ass hoes along with a pack of hommies. It’s always a sweet deal for me anytime and any fucking day….*grin*.
“Mayne, you just spoke my mind” I chipped in amidst some laughter from Yong and two other mates. T. Money beamed a warm, friendly smile at me before Yong then spoke to me “Boss, howfar? Shey you go roll with us? We go fit drop you for your hostel on our way back o!. No P”. I smiled at him and responded with “It’s all good mayne! I’ll be crashing wherever you guys will be crashing”. Everyone then flaunted their joy upon hearing that and I felt more comfortable in their midst.
“So…where to then?” T.Money asked no one in particular. “All I wanna do right now is make ma dick happy. I need to be in an environment with lots of bad bitches. Everywhere I look, I wanna see a bad bitch….left, right and centre. Y’all feel me?”. I nodded in response because I ‘felt’ him completely. Only one place came to mind just then and I grinned from ear to ear. “I’ve got just the place fellaz! Let’s ride!”
So off we went in the Range SUV in search of hoes and some fuckery. We arrived ‘Bubbles Plus’ at about 11pm and as expected, the place was filled with fun-seekers and oh yeah!.....lots and lots of hoes. When we took our seats, we all decided to order only bottled water since we unanimously agreed that we were tipsy enough. I mean, since we anticipated some fucking, everyone desired to be as conscious as possible to enjoy whatever pussy or pussies that would be coming our way. T. Money surprised us all however when he requested a bottle of Harp for himself. I silently prayed his eyes wouldn’t be too red to fish-out a good nasty hoe for his screwing pleasure and I think my prayer was answered…..lolz.
Since the music that the DJ dished out was really good, General Yong, T. Money and I took to the floor for a while as we scanned our vicinity for hoes that would catch our fancy. T. Money however, sort of forgot about the main reason why we were there for a brief moment as he swung and swayed heavily to subsequent old-school sounds with a crew of strangers dressed in similar traditional outfits, sweating profusely as he did so and completely oblivious to all that were watching him in amusement. I confessed to Yong right after that I was sincerely happy for taking all of them there and giving T. Money especially, a swell time.
Just when we admitted that we had had enough dancing for the night and it was time to face the real business that took us there in the first place, we started hunting for ‘take-away packages’. Some really pretty hoes that could have been our choices for the night tried to discourage us on our mission however. These bitches put up some irritating attitude when we approached them. I really can’t remember the rude things they said to us that night but I’m guessing now that it’s probably because we all reeked badly of alcohol and treated them like what they exactly were……BLOODY COCK-SUCKING HOES!
We had almost given up our search for the beautiful, yet polite and amiable queens of the night when I remembered we could still try our luck outside the pub. Lo and behold, I WAS RIGHT….*grin*. AND NOW!............*drums roll*…….INTRODUCING…..ANGELINA!!!
Just as soon as we got outside, we all saw her. I really don’t know about the others but personally, I was like “Woah! Where did this angel of the night come from?….lolz”. Angelina was leaning against a vehicle smaller than ours when we found her and she flashed us a bright smile when we looked in her direction. Her smile truly mesmerised us for she succeeded in making all our jaws drop. It was only T. Money who quickly got it together and waved at her before she waved back and approached us. As she did, I felt some watery pre-cum leave my dick and soil my boxers.
Angelina was truly stunning that night I tell ya! It might have been the alcohol but in my opinion, from head to toe, she truly looked like a sea-goddess with her fresh fair skin and blonde Peruvian hair (fake of course). She truly almost passed for those white hoes from both the UK and the US whom you find on the regular in selected areas at Victoria Island, Lagos from 8pm, except for the fact that her voice quickly gave her away. She had a local eastern accent and I suspected her to be Igbo (no offense to my Igbo readers though). Nonetheless, Angelina truly was definitely on point and a sight to behold. Her Peruvian hair was nicely fixed and shone brightly under any light that was kind enough to touch it in the deep darkness that we were under. She had a very pretty face that was oval in shape and nurtured a pointed nose with a sweet smile bearing almost-white teeth. Her skin was beautiful, fresh and fair all through. She was also quite tall for a lady and her tight-fitting outfit, which was sexy as fuck gummed her body and accentuated sexy and highly tempting curves. Now these curves were indeed luscious and thanks to that very sexy pair of ‘jeggings’ that she wore, it was easy to tell that she was endowed with fat hips and a big thick ass. Oh how hunger overwhelmed me just then! The pure hunger of lust….the hunger for her body…the hunger to sink my teeth into her big butt cheeks and chew on some hot fresh yansh….the hunger to have her on top of me and watch her hips vibrate while riding away on me like I was her personal ‘Okada’…..that pure hunger….that pure lustful hunger!…….*sigh*. I suddenly became a bit jealous of T. Money as she stopped in front of him first and threw her arms freely around his neck while pressing her slim, sexy body against his. I knew she must have sighted the keys to the Range in his palm. Bitches and their attraction to material possessions ehn???......*shaking ma head*
CHAI! But wait o! You mean say nanana I don compose five pages already??? DAMN! This story must get Part 2 o! Shooo! Infact e be like say e go get Part 3 sef because tori still plenty….lolz. On the real though, I’ma have to continue this in another post. I’m sure you don’t mind, do you? Don’t worry. I’ma have Part 2 up in good time. Thanks for your understanding……*smile*
Till later then! Thanks for reading.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Mayne I won’t lie! It was fun all through for me last Saturday. As iiinnnn!….that day was totally, completely and purely CRAZY. Word yo! A big shout-out and huge thanks go out to the entire crew who made it possible, led by my old buddy from Lagos State University (LASU) – General Yong aka @efeyong. Thanks for a swell time bruv! I sure do earnestly look forward to another…..*wink*….but em….#NoHomo….Hehehe……...
Yeah! The events of last Saturday, without a doubt, jolted my memory on an almost similar incident which took place very early this year with some members of my real crew – The Nobles…………. (No offense Yong). Just like the very recent one, there was more than enough booze; there were hoes and there was almost an orgy…..Lolz. Allow me quickly run you through what went down recently first before I tell the main tale and maybe….just maybe you might appreciate the sick humour I have to share with you in this post…..*smile*.
Now on the Saturday that just went by, I must confess that I unusually started it early with alcohol. You know I rep Legend Extra Stout now right? Yeah! That shit is definitely now in the open and my brand has finally come out of the closet. Anyway, one of my hostel mates was kind enough to offer me two bottles of the awesome black stuff while we battled for supremacy in our Chelsea vs. Barcelona match, courtesy of one nigga’s PlayStation 3. I ended up losing the match though and while I patiently waited for my next chance at pride redemption, I decided to log into Twitter in my very usual manner via auracoolonline.com. I had quite a few messages from #TeamPerv tweeps over my recent success of recording 50 blogposts in such a short time but one message in particular got me smiling like a fool who had just been lovestruck. It came from none other than General Yong himself; an old friend from an institution where Great Lasuites are made, informing me that he was an hour and a half close to my current city – Ibadan and he would be happy to reunite with an old buddy of his during his brief stay. I used the digits he left behind to reach him instantly and plan a hook-up time. That came sooner than I actually expected……..Barely 45 minutes after…..Lolz.
So there and then, I took my already intoxicated self on the road to a quite unfamiliar territory in the ancient city on a mission to reunite with my old pal. That trip proved to be worth the while indeed for mad, sick and stupendous fun awaited me as a surprise. I met my buddy in almost a similar state as mine. He was also quite as tipsy as I was and he had also grown a beard like I finally have….lolz. The only things that made the difference were that he now bore a new sobriquet – General Yong, and he visited in a 2012 Land Rover HSE Sport Utility Vehicle along with his right-hand man – T. Money. Yep! YEP! When you’re big, trust me, you’re definitely big! Nuff said!
So anyway, I reunited with ‘The General’, got introduced to T.Money and the fun began. Both General Yong and his ‘Sidekick’ proved themselves to be real super heroes and lavished me with tasty food and more ‘black’ drinks than I could manage. To be honest, I can’t recall ever taking up to seven bottles at any particular sitting. DAMN! Was I fucking wasted when I was done drinking. I bet that if not for the sheer fact that I shook-off some of the liquor through some serious dancing, I would have blacked-out right there on my seat….lolz. But seriously though, you should have been there to see my eyes…..RED AS FUCK! I shook my head a great deal when Yong was kind enough to send me one of the few pictures he took of me that very evening and even tagged some other great Lasuites in it. I was like WHAT DA FUCK! Na me be dis??? Lolz……..
Yeah! Best believe General Yong and T. Money joined in the dancing too. As a matter of fact, I almost learnt a new dance move that evening from Yong. He called it the ‘Groundnut-Eating Style’ and it was simply a cool variant of the currently reigning ‘Etighi dance’ that we normally put up here to matching music. Anyway, I think I almost got the moves right there and then but ask me to attempt that again now and I would simply make a fool of myself. Why??? Because the dance moves left me with all the sweet ‘highness’ that’s why!!!.....Hehehehe……………………
Mayne, it was good booze, delicious food and sweet music all the way while the General and I caught up on old times from our academic days. When it became quite late in the evening, I decided to bid everyone farewell and call it a night but that was exactly when T. Money became my best friend.
“Mehn! With all this fun we’ve been having, e be like say na only toto remain to fuck now o!” he said with a chuckle.
My eyes brightened quickly at those words and it seemed like some of the alcohol had suddenly evaporated from my system. I just couldn’t agree more. Best believe this perv is always like that. My idea of a complete fun hang-out involves eating, drinking, dancing and fucking some pretty bad-ass hoes along with a pack of hommies. It’s always a sweet deal for me anytime and any fucking day….*grin*.
“Mayne, you just spoke my mind” I chipped in amidst some laughter from Yong and two other mates. T. Money beamed a warm, friendly smile at me before Yong then spoke to me “Boss, howfar? Shey you go roll with us? We go fit drop you for your hostel on our way back o!. No P”. I smiled at him and responded with “It’s all good mayne! I’ll be crashing wherever you guys will be crashing”. Everyone then flaunted their joy upon hearing that and I felt more comfortable in their midst.
“So…where to then?” T.Money asked no one in particular. “All I wanna do right now is make ma dick happy. I need to be in an environment with lots of bad bitches. Everywhere I look, I wanna see a bad bitch….left, right and centre. Y’all feel me?”. I nodded in response because I ‘felt’ him completely. Only one place came to mind just then and I grinned from ear to ear. “I’ve got just the place fellaz! Let’s ride!”
So off we went in the Range SUV in search of hoes and some fuckery. We arrived ‘Bubbles Plus’ at about 11pm and as expected, the place was filled with fun-seekers and oh yeah!.....lots and lots of hoes. When we took our seats, we all decided to order only bottled water since we unanimously agreed that we were tipsy enough. I mean, since we anticipated some fucking, everyone desired to be as conscious as possible to enjoy whatever pussy or pussies that would be coming our way. T. Money surprised us all however when he requested a bottle of Harp for himself. I silently prayed his eyes wouldn’t be too red to fish-out a good nasty hoe for his screwing pleasure and I think my prayer was answered…..lolz.
Since the music that the DJ dished out was really good, General Yong, T. Money and I took to the floor for a while as we scanned our vicinity for hoes that would catch our fancy. T. Money however, sort of forgot about the main reason why we were there for a brief moment as he swung and swayed heavily to subsequent old-school sounds with a crew of strangers dressed in similar traditional outfits, sweating profusely as he did so and completely oblivious to all that were watching him in amusement. I confessed to Yong right after that I was sincerely happy for taking all of them there and giving T. Money especially, a swell time.
Just when we admitted that we had had enough dancing for the night and it was time to face the real business that took us there in the first place, we started hunting for ‘take-away packages’. Some really pretty hoes that could have been our choices for the night tried to discourage us on our mission however. These bitches put up some irritating attitude when we approached them. I really can’t remember the rude things they said to us that night but I’m guessing now that it’s probably because we all reeked badly of alcohol and treated them like what they exactly were……BLOODY COCK-SUCKING HOES!
We had almost given up our search for the beautiful, yet polite and amiable queens of the night when I remembered we could still try our luck outside the pub. Lo and behold, I WAS RIGHT….*grin*. AND NOW!............*drums roll*…….INTRODUCING…..ANGELINA!!!
Just as soon as we got outside, we all saw her. I really don’t know about the others but personally, I was like “Woah! Where did this angel of the night come from?….lolz”. Angelina was leaning against a vehicle smaller than ours when we found her and she flashed us a bright smile when we looked in her direction. Her smile truly mesmerised us for she succeeded in making all our jaws drop. It was only T. Money who quickly got it together and waved at her before she waved back and approached us. As she did, I felt some watery pre-cum leave my dick and soil my boxers.
Angelina was truly stunning that night I tell ya! It might have been the alcohol but in my opinion, from head to toe, she truly looked like a sea-goddess with her fresh fair skin and blonde Peruvian hair (fake of course). She truly almost passed for those white hoes from both the UK and the US whom you find on the regular in selected areas at Victoria Island, Lagos from 8pm, except for the fact that her voice quickly gave her away. She had a local eastern accent and I suspected her to be Igbo (no offense to my Igbo readers though). Nonetheless, Angelina truly was definitely on point and a sight to behold. Her Peruvian hair was nicely fixed and shone brightly under any light that was kind enough to touch it in the deep darkness that we were under. She had a very pretty face that was oval in shape and nurtured a pointed nose with a sweet smile bearing almost-white teeth. Her skin was beautiful, fresh and fair all through. She was also quite tall for a lady and her tight-fitting outfit, which was sexy as fuck gummed her body and accentuated sexy and highly tempting curves. Now these curves were indeed luscious and thanks to that very sexy pair of ‘jeggings’ that she wore, it was easy to tell that she was endowed with fat hips and a big thick ass. Oh how hunger overwhelmed me just then! The pure hunger of lust….the hunger for her body…the hunger to sink my teeth into her big butt cheeks and chew on some hot fresh yansh….the hunger to have her on top of me and watch her hips vibrate while riding away on me like I was her personal ‘Okada’…..that pure hunger….that pure lustful hunger!…….*sigh*. I suddenly became a bit jealous of T. Money as she stopped in front of him first and threw her arms freely around his neck while pressing her slim, sexy body against his. I knew she must have sighted the keys to the Range in his palm. Bitches and their attraction to material possessions ehn???......*shaking ma head*
CHAI! But wait o! You mean say nanana I don compose five pages already??? DAMN! This story must get Part 2 o! Shooo! Infact e be like say e go get Part 3 sef because tori still plenty….lolz. On the real though, I’ma have to continue this in another post. I’m sure you don’t mind, do you? Don’t worry. I’ma have Part 2 up in good time. Thanks for your understanding……*smile*
Till later then! Thanks for reading.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Thursday, November 15, 2012
A Prayer for Shawty and Her Bestie
Now please don’t get it twisted. I love ma bitch! Not in the lovey-dovey way though but I sure do love her. I swear she fine as fuck and errthang! She humps me good too…lolz. She cleans and cooks just fine as well. The only problem is, just like my man – DMX, I’ma dog for life! You see, I get tempted very easily and I sure do hope that shit won’t affect me when I’m married….*sigh*. Temptation is a mo’fucking bitch you know? Once a hot chick spreads her legs…..I’m like DAMN! SHE FUCKING GOT ME! No doubt!......*smh*
Anyway, this post is basically about ma ride-or-die bitch. She loves me as fuck (or so she says) and I always tend to feel that pinch of guilt everytime we’re done fucking. Why? Well, em….because her bestie (best friend/best female friend) is also in the picture. I’m sure you can relate to that.
One time when my bitch and her buddy were supposed to go for a lecture at school, her bestie suddenly developed a headache and stayed back. Trust me, her staying back was just the beginning of my infidelity or immoral fuckery or whatever crap you wanna call it.
I was in my room chatting with my twitter buddies via auracoolonline.com when she suddenly appeared, unannounced……………..
“Hey…..watchu doing?” she surprised me with.
“Huh?....I’m on twitter. I thought you were supposed to be in school” I tried to query her.
“Yeah, but a nasty headache came along and I just couldn’t go anymore.”
“Hmmn” I said rubbing my chin. “I see. And your gurl is where?”
Bestie let out a quick laugh. “In school of course. I mean, I’m the one with the headache, not her you know?”
“Oh yeah! That’s right!” I replied with obvious sarcasm.
Bestie got the message and chuckled again. I went back to typing on my computer when she ‘shot’ me a hot question.
“But wait o! Are you really that good in bed?”
“WHAT???”
“Oh come off it joor! Ma gurl can’t help mouthing-off to all of us who happen to be her friends about how you’re a hot stud and everything. So….I simply wanna know if it’s true.” she said with a hard fixated gaze upon my innocent looking face, which later shifted to the lower part of my body.
“WTF!.…..Gurl, you’ve really got a headache. How about you go back to your room, pop a pill and sleep it off. Aaite?” . But this bitch didn’t budge.
“You haven’t answered my question mehn!. Answer it okay?” She was looking hard into my eyes now and I felt fucking uncomfortable.
“Go away joor! You’re making me uneasy” I let out a fake laugh. “Okay okay! Yes, I’ma hot fucking stud! Happy now???” I felt that would help get rid of her immediately and get her the fuck out of my business. BUT THE BITCH STILL REFUSED TO BUDGE.
“Well, I guess I could easily say that and leave you know? The only problem is….I’m actually curious now.” She instantly locked the door, abandoned it and came for me. Just when she got right in front of me, with her standing and me still sitting, she placed her hands on her hips akimbo style and I suddenly felt some sweat form on my forehead.
“What tha fuck! You’re curious? About what again you this geh ehn?” I asked impatiently. She gave me a hint though, as to her curiosity. She immediately got down on her knees right in front of me and placed both her hands on my crotch. Mr. P stirred instantly and was like “Hello! Anybody home???”
“Well, now I’m curious as to if what you say is really, really true. I know guys like to tell awful lies when it comes to their sexual ability” she said, unzipping my fly and trying to part the pee-hole in my boxers open.
“Em….whatchu doing???” I asked her twitching and trembling. Of course I knew what she was doing. I was just trying to justify my fear or whatever feeling that I felt at the time.
Bestie laughed hard. She had an already erect Mr. P in one hand now and she stared at it in amazement. “Oooh! You’ve got quite a package here. But you know what they say boy….the taste of the pudding….IS IN THE EATING!” and with that, bestie took my cock in her mouth.
You really should have been there to see bestie ‘blow’ Mr. P with great dexterity and alacrity….Lolz. Parting her slim and soft lips open, she wrapped them around my shaft and sucked on it for a brief moment. I was already beginning to feel the pleasurable sensation forming inside me before she took those lips further down my cock and stuck-out her saliva-soaked tongue to lick the whole of it. She licked every inch of Mr. P from cap to rod repeatedly for a while before reaching for my balls first with her tongue and then her mouth; sucking hard on my scrotum and swallowing it to my delight. This bitch was good! She didn’t use teeth!
“Oh! Ssss….Oooh!” I moaned like a hoe. The sensation was fucking good and I was loving every single feel of it. Bestie kept oiling Mr. P with warm and sticky saliva as she bobbed her head up and down on a hard-as-fuck Mr. P.
“Make me gag!” she suddenly commanded and I caught the fire of sinful desire in her eyes. “Make me choke on your hard dick” she yelled at me. I didn’t feel in the mood to argue so I obediently did as I was told. I got up from the seat, palmed her head against Mr. P, and in a vicious force, pressed it hard against me so that Mr. P shot up far into her mouth. Bestie’s face puffed at that attempt and she choked. “Kpoah!” that sounded and mayne, was it lovely? She snatched her face back right after, took in a light breath and spat some more thick saliva on my wet and dripping dick before burying her face on it again.
Gosh! I seriously doubt that you can possibly imagine how and what I felt exactly right there and then. Bestie proved herself to be a daring dick-sucker…a naughty nodder….a headstrong head-giver and fellatio fanatic. After what seemed like a while, I could take no more. The pressure had risen in me and the need to ejaculate came calling badly. I ended up responding to that call and all the pleasure I received by shooting a gob of hot cum into her mouth and possibly down her throat. I actually expected her to withdraw her face, squeeze it in disgust and spit out what was left of Mr. P in her mouth. Surprisingly though, bestie swallowed it excitedly. “Mmmm……Goooooooood! YUMMY!” was all she said while she winked at me.
“How’s your headache now gurl?” I asked smiling.
“It’s gone hun! Your sweet cum cured it. YAY!” she quipped and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“So…now you’ve satisfied your curiosity. You must feel happy. Aren’t you?” I needed to know now what this bitch was thinking. Was she trustworthy? Would she keep what just transpired between us a secret?
“Well yes but not fully I’m afraid” came her shocking response matched with a mischievous grin.
“HUH???” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Well, I must admit that even though I’ve seen you and tasted you, I haven’t yet FELT YOU!” she chuckled after saying that and though I intended putting up a protest just then, bestie took my cock in her mouth again and sucked it till it became hard a second time. We ended up having hot, raunchy sex in my room and on my bed.
SO…*smh*….such has been my unfaithfulness towards my shawty ever since. Her bestie and I, from that very day, kept creeping; seeing each other secretly and screwing ourselves silly behind her back. Bestie seems pretty smart and cautious about the whole thing so I doubt that shawty would ever get to find out through a slip on my part. Nah! That ain’t gon’ happen.
Quite funny, isn’t it? Fucking both the girlfriend and her best friend?? *sigh* Such is life mayne! I mean, what can this perv do? Shawty’s pussy is tighter no doubt but her bestie’s head is better. I gotta keep ‘em both you know?
Anyway, I just rolled-off shawty this morning after she attended to my morning wood and discovered a new text message on my phone as soon as she got up to use the bathroom. The message came from bestie informing me that she would be expecting a headache tomorrow and I was to visit and give her the usual medication….lolz. It was only after laughing hard that I felt that pinch of guilt again so I decided to talk to God in a short prayer. I chose to do it DMX-style so here goes nothing………………
Dear Lord,
I'm thankful for ma shawty and all the sex that’s followed
I fucked her well today and I’ll be doing the same to her bestie tomorrow
I'm thankful bestie doesn't fret, neither does she send
I lust for 'em both and I’ll be fucking their cunts till the end
I doubt that I’m doing the right thang and I ask YOU Lord to forgive me
You see I need both cunts with me....without 'em ma sex life is empty
And I think back how once bestie did me like infidelity was the remedy
And because I think of that now, I pray against jealousy
Not because of what I’m doing, but because shawty don't know
There's always an ‘after-sex parry’ with bestie but she’s promised shawty won't ever get to know
So, I ask you to forgive me and I do hope they see……………
I am grateful for all the orgasms that they've given to me
I will not abuse 'em, nor will I again, go astray
See, I’m scared of the smelly, yeast infection-ridden cunts that I see everyday
So I’ll let my cock and their cunts go hand-in-hand
Even when I mess up enough to spit cum from the start..…. Mr. P still stands a man
So for as long as I can......for as long as luck permits me……………
I will keep on creeping to get the sex I need to live.....Bitches, bear with me!
AMEN!
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
(P.S – I’m sincerely grateful to Gemma of ‘Erotic Adventures’ *Wicked Wednesday* for teaching me a few sex terminologies through her site – swinginggemma.blogspot.com. Best believe I’m a true fan dear. You’re simply awesome! Oh yeah! A big shout out to my mentor – @tweetoracle too. You’re the best mayne! *smile*)
Anyway, this post is basically about ma ride-or-die bitch. She loves me as fuck (or so she says) and I always tend to feel that pinch of guilt everytime we’re done fucking. Why? Well, em….because her bestie (best friend/best female friend) is also in the picture. I’m sure you can relate to that.
One time when my bitch and her buddy were supposed to go for a lecture at school, her bestie suddenly developed a headache and stayed back. Trust me, her staying back was just the beginning of my infidelity or immoral fuckery or whatever crap you wanna call it.
I was in my room chatting with my twitter buddies via auracoolonline.com when she suddenly appeared, unannounced……………..
“Hey…..watchu doing?” she surprised me with.
“Huh?....I’m on twitter. I thought you were supposed to be in school” I tried to query her.
“Yeah, but a nasty headache came along and I just couldn’t go anymore.”
“Hmmn” I said rubbing my chin. “I see. And your gurl is where?”
Bestie let out a quick laugh. “In school of course. I mean, I’m the one with the headache, not her you know?”
“Oh yeah! That’s right!” I replied with obvious sarcasm.
Bestie got the message and chuckled again. I went back to typing on my computer when she ‘shot’ me a hot question.
“But wait o! Are you really that good in bed?”
“WHAT???”
“Oh come off it joor! Ma gurl can’t help mouthing-off to all of us who happen to be her friends about how you’re a hot stud and everything. So….I simply wanna know if it’s true.” she said with a hard fixated gaze upon my innocent looking face, which later shifted to the lower part of my body.
“WTF!.…..Gurl, you’ve really got a headache. How about you go back to your room, pop a pill and sleep it off. Aaite?” . But this bitch didn’t budge.
“You haven’t answered my question mehn!. Answer it okay?” She was looking hard into my eyes now and I felt fucking uncomfortable.
“Go away joor! You’re making me uneasy” I let out a fake laugh. “Okay okay! Yes, I’ma hot fucking stud! Happy now???” I felt that would help get rid of her immediately and get her the fuck out of my business. BUT THE BITCH STILL REFUSED TO BUDGE.
“Well, I guess I could easily say that and leave you know? The only problem is….I’m actually curious now.” She instantly locked the door, abandoned it and came for me. Just when she got right in front of me, with her standing and me still sitting, she placed her hands on her hips akimbo style and I suddenly felt some sweat form on my forehead.
“What tha fuck! You’re curious? About what again you this geh ehn?” I asked impatiently. She gave me a hint though, as to her curiosity. She immediately got down on her knees right in front of me and placed both her hands on my crotch. Mr. P stirred instantly and was like “Hello! Anybody home???”
“Well, now I’m curious as to if what you say is really, really true. I know guys like to tell awful lies when it comes to their sexual ability” she said, unzipping my fly and trying to part the pee-hole in my boxers open.
“Em….whatchu doing???” I asked her twitching and trembling. Of course I knew what she was doing. I was just trying to justify my fear or whatever feeling that I felt at the time.
Bestie laughed hard. She had an already erect Mr. P in one hand now and she stared at it in amazement. “Oooh! You’ve got quite a package here. But you know what they say boy….the taste of the pudding….IS IN THE EATING!” and with that, bestie took my cock in her mouth.
You really should have been there to see bestie ‘blow’ Mr. P with great dexterity and alacrity….Lolz. Parting her slim and soft lips open, she wrapped them around my shaft and sucked on it for a brief moment. I was already beginning to feel the pleasurable sensation forming inside me before she took those lips further down my cock and stuck-out her saliva-soaked tongue to lick the whole of it. She licked every inch of Mr. P from cap to rod repeatedly for a while before reaching for my balls first with her tongue and then her mouth; sucking hard on my scrotum and swallowing it to my delight. This bitch was good! She didn’t use teeth!
“Oh! Ssss….Oooh!” I moaned like a hoe. The sensation was fucking good and I was loving every single feel of it. Bestie kept oiling Mr. P with warm and sticky saliva as she bobbed her head up and down on a hard-as-fuck Mr. P.
“Make me gag!” she suddenly commanded and I caught the fire of sinful desire in her eyes. “Make me choke on your hard dick” she yelled at me. I didn’t feel in the mood to argue so I obediently did as I was told. I got up from the seat, palmed her head against Mr. P, and in a vicious force, pressed it hard against me so that Mr. P shot up far into her mouth. Bestie’s face puffed at that attempt and she choked. “Kpoah!” that sounded and mayne, was it lovely? She snatched her face back right after, took in a light breath and spat some more thick saliva on my wet and dripping dick before burying her face on it again.
Gosh! I seriously doubt that you can possibly imagine how and what I felt exactly right there and then. Bestie proved herself to be a daring dick-sucker…a naughty nodder….a headstrong head-giver and fellatio fanatic. After what seemed like a while, I could take no more. The pressure had risen in me and the need to ejaculate came calling badly. I ended up responding to that call and all the pleasure I received by shooting a gob of hot cum into her mouth and possibly down her throat. I actually expected her to withdraw her face, squeeze it in disgust and spit out what was left of Mr. P in her mouth. Surprisingly though, bestie swallowed it excitedly. “Mmmm……Goooooooood! YUMMY!” was all she said while she winked at me.
“How’s your headache now gurl?” I asked smiling.
“It’s gone hun! Your sweet cum cured it. YAY!” she quipped and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“So…now you’ve satisfied your curiosity. You must feel happy. Aren’t you?” I needed to know now what this bitch was thinking. Was she trustworthy? Would she keep what just transpired between us a secret?
“Well yes but not fully I’m afraid” came her shocking response matched with a mischievous grin.
“HUH???” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Well, I must admit that even though I’ve seen you and tasted you, I haven’t yet FELT YOU!” she chuckled after saying that and though I intended putting up a protest just then, bestie took my cock in her mouth again and sucked it till it became hard a second time. We ended up having hot, raunchy sex in my room and on my bed.
SO…*smh*….such has been my unfaithfulness towards my shawty ever since. Her bestie and I, from that very day, kept creeping; seeing each other secretly and screwing ourselves silly behind her back. Bestie seems pretty smart and cautious about the whole thing so I doubt that shawty would ever get to find out through a slip on my part. Nah! That ain’t gon’ happen.
Quite funny, isn’t it? Fucking both the girlfriend and her best friend?? *sigh* Such is life mayne! I mean, what can this perv do? Shawty’s pussy is tighter no doubt but her bestie’s head is better. I gotta keep ‘em both you know?
Anyway, I just rolled-off shawty this morning after she attended to my morning wood and discovered a new text message on my phone as soon as she got up to use the bathroom. The message came from bestie informing me that she would be expecting a headache tomorrow and I was to visit and give her the usual medication….lolz. It was only after laughing hard that I felt that pinch of guilt again so I decided to talk to God in a short prayer. I chose to do it DMX-style so here goes nothing………………
Dear Lord,
I'm thankful for ma shawty and all the sex that’s followed
I fucked her well today and I’ll be doing the same to her bestie tomorrow
I'm thankful bestie doesn't fret, neither does she send
I lust for 'em both and I’ll be fucking their cunts till the end
I doubt that I’m doing the right thang and I ask YOU Lord to forgive me
You see I need both cunts with me....without 'em ma sex life is empty
And I think back how once bestie did me like infidelity was the remedy
And because I think of that now, I pray against jealousy
Not because of what I’m doing, but because shawty don't know
There's always an ‘after-sex parry’ with bestie but she’s promised shawty won't ever get to know
So, I ask you to forgive me and I do hope they see……………
I am grateful for all the orgasms that they've given to me
I will not abuse 'em, nor will I again, go astray
See, I’m scared of the smelly, yeast infection-ridden cunts that I see everyday
So I’ll let my cock and their cunts go hand-in-hand
Even when I mess up enough to spit cum from the start..…. Mr. P still stands a man
So for as long as I can......for as long as luck permits me……………
I will keep on creeping to get the sex I need to live.....Bitches, bear with me!
AMEN!
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
(P.S – I’m sincerely grateful to Gemma of ‘Erotic Adventures’ *Wicked Wednesday* for teaching me a few sex terminologies through her site – swinginggemma.blogspot.com. Best believe I’m a true fan dear. You’re simply awesome! Oh yeah! A big shout out to my mentor – @tweetoracle too. You’re the best mayne! *smile*)
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Heartbreak Poetry
Gosh!........................*sad face*
I think I’m fast becoming lazy now. And indolence ain’t good, that’s for sure. I don’t write as often as I did when I created this blog in August this year and that fact sort of depresses me a little bit. Each time I remind myself that I recorded 30 solid posts in my first month (which happens to also be my birth month), my face wears a frown. I try to motivate myself all the time though but I get often and easily distracted by quite a bunch of things. TWITTER tops the list of course. Oh how I tweet so much ehn!!! Chai! This perv can like to tweet nonsense for Africa. Lolz…….
Anyway, I truly wanna assure my buddies who support me, especially those in the UK and US that I WILL keep this blog running, no matter how slow I may be in updating it with juicy, pervy posts. I WILL NEVER STOP BLOGGING. You know why??? BECAUSE THIS PERV’S BRAIN AIN’T FUCKING DEAD YET! ……….Hahahaha!!!
Oh yeah! I’m currently working on a beautiful DMX-inspired post. If you are a fan or ever were a fan of that awesome rapper, I can bet with my whole damn, perverted life that you WILL enjoy it very much. For real! You just wait and see. In the meantime though, this morning, I had a little chat with a female hostel-mate (that I never wanna bang though) about relationships and heartbreaks. During the chit-chat, I suddenly remembered a poem I once wrote for a hoe who broke my heart sometime ago and I decided to share it with you. I hope you find it worth a read. If not, I’m sorry and please kindly wait till I’m through with the DMX one. Thanks! *perv smile*.
So here……………………..
Look, I speak from the heart
And it’s hurting so much that we gotta part
You wanna know why??? BITCH YOU CAUSED ME PAIN!
I needed your sunlight baby, not your rain
I can’t understand though….why you weren’t true
I loved you so much, yeah I was your fool
I did everything that I had to do to make you stay BUT! I still played the fool
But now, I can clearly see…..that you and I (Mtscheew!) were NEVER MEANT TO BE
So pack your bags quick, gerrout! BE GONE!
Do it fast BITCH! And just LEAVE ME ALONE!
Yup! That’s it. Not bad huh? Thanks! I’ll be back soon with the DMX post……I PROMISE! *smile*. Oh by the way, what do you think of my new blog description? Sweet huh??? Hehehe……………..
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
I think I’m fast becoming lazy now. And indolence ain’t good, that’s for sure. I don’t write as often as I did when I created this blog in August this year and that fact sort of depresses me a little bit. Each time I remind myself that I recorded 30 solid posts in my first month (which happens to also be my birth month), my face wears a frown. I try to motivate myself all the time though but I get often and easily distracted by quite a bunch of things. TWITTER tops the list of course. Oh how I tweet so much ehn!!! Chai! This perv can like to tweet nonsense for Africa. Lolz…….
Anyway, I truly wanna assure my buddies who support me, especially those in the UK and US that I WILL keep this blog running, no matter how slow I may be in updating it with juicy, pervy posts. I WILL NEVER STOP BLOGGING. You know why??? BECAUSE THIS PERV’S BRAIN AIN’T FUCKING DEAD YET! ……….Hahahaha!!!
Oh yeah! I’m currently working on a beautiful DMX-inspired post. If you are a fan or ever were a fan of that awesome rapper, I can bet with my whole damn, perverted life that you WILL enjoy it very much. For real! You just wait and see. In the meantime though, this morning, I had a little chat with a female hostel-mate (that I never wanna bang though) about relationships and heartbreaks. During the chit-chat, I suddenly remembered a poem I once wrote for a hoe who broke my heart sometime ago and I decided to share it with you. I hope you find it worth a read. If not, I’m sorry and please kindly wait till I’m through with the DMX one. Thanks! *perv smile*.
So here……………………..
Look, I speak from the heart
And it’s hurting so much that we gotta part
You wanna know why??? BITCH YOU CAUSED ME PAIN!
I needed your sunlight baby, not your rain
I can’t understand though….why you weren’t true
I loved you so much, yeah I was your fool
I did everything that I had to do to make you stay BUT! I still played the fool
But now, I can clearly see…..that you and I (Mtscheew!) were NEVER MEANT TO BE
So pack your bags quick, gerrout! BE GONE!
Do it fast BITCH! And just LEAVE ME ALONE!
Yup! That’s it. Not bad huh? Thanks! I’ll be back soon with the DMX post……I PROMISE! *smile*. Oh by the way, what do you think of my new blog description? Sweet huh??? Hehehe……………..
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Sunday, November 11, 2012
The Ex Who Never Liked Doggy
Now,……………………
You see me with ma dark shades on
And I can see you but I swear, I no longer fancy you
I said, you see me with some dark shades on
Yes! I can see you but I’m no longer into you
But when I say “Hello”
Bitch, don’t be surprised when I say “Hello”
I said, when I say “Hello”
Don’t be surprised when I say “Hello”……..So “HELLO!”…….Lolz…….
YES!!! Hello EX-GURLFRIEND! How are ya? You say you’re fine but you don’t look fine to me. You look like you’ve lost some useful weight. You look like crap! Hehehe…..Wait! *straight face*….I fucking mean that. You look like crap to me. Maybe it’s your new boyfriend’s sperm. Maybe it doesn’t suit your system, which is why it’s not telling well on your entire awful-looking body.
Gosh! I’m so glad you broke up with me. At least you can see the difference now, can’t you? You can see you were better off with me….you dumb, doggy-not-liking buffoon! HAHAHA!!! Oh I’m so going to finish you on here today! STUPID BITCH!!!
I’m sure you’re not dumb enough though, to know that I am specially going to diss you using Burna Boy’s hot single – Like To Party. You know that right? Good! I’m sure you like that jam. Guess what? I fucking do too and I’m going to hate on your emaciated-ass with it. I mean, I’ve already started with it and I’m sure as hell going to conclude with it. HAHA!!!
So yes! I got ma fresh, new dark RayBan shades on and I’m here chilling at this awesome party filled with young, hot, mad and crazy bitches who are willing to give me THAT SPECIAL POSITION that you always complained and bitched about. That unique position that every true nigga loves and always wants to adopt with his gurl during sex. Yes! I’m talking about the DOGGY STYLE bitch and since I can easily get that from any girl of my choice at this party, why should I fucking take your apologetic-ass back? Huh? Go ahead nau! Give me one good reason? ‘Cos we tried out other positions??? Yeah! Right! MTSCEEW! FUCK THAT SHIT BITCH!!!
Now look at you! Look at your pitiful and miserable self, standing there and begging me to take you back. Have you forgotten you were the one who jilted me in the first place? Have you forgotten so quickly that it was you who called it quits with the relationship when you caught me banging Tolani from behind??? Have you forgotten I begged you and promised never to allow that repeat itself??? HAVE YOU??? MTSHEEEEEEWWWW!!!!! Gerrout joor!!!
And I remember o! I remember clearly how I, without stop, pleaded with you back then to allow me fuck you from behind but you NEVER LET ME…..NOT EVEN ONCE! CHAI!!! YOU DENIED ME MY FAVOURITE POSITION??? ALL THROUGH THE THREE FUCKING MONTHS THAT WE DATED!!! I can’t fucking believe how I even put up with your shit in the first place. DAYYUMM!!!
Anyway, the good thing is, since you ditched my black ass, things have been looking up for me…..sexually that is! Ever since you broke up with me, I’ve been having as much ‘Doggy’ as I want. I’m gonna get it from one of these sluts here in this party and there’s nothing you can do about it! GBAM!
I don’t even know why Tunji bothered to invite you to his party sef. Oh yeah *slaps self*…I forgot I didn’t tell him we weren’t a couple no more. He just invited you in good faith so do yourself a favour and go suck his dick, aaight??? Hehehe………….
What? EHN?? WETIN HAPPEN??? I NOR GREE ABEG! Take you back??? TUFIAKWA! Gurl, have you forgotten???
Sebi I bin beg you, you nor wan gree
You caught me jerking on Tolani
And you decided to break up with me
WHY??? You say I no be human being
So I’m now here with the gurls dem that gbadun doggy
And like to shake their body
I said I’m here with the sluts dem that GBADUN DOGGY
And like to flaunt their bobbie
Shaking ‘em to the left……and to the right
To the left………and to the right
To the left………and to the right
To the left………and to the right
HEHEHE……………………………………………..
You see me with ma dark shades on
And I can see you but I swear, I no longer fancy you
I said, you see me with some dark shades on
Yes! I can see you but I’m no longer into you
But when I say “Hello”
Bitch, don’t be surprised when I say “Hello”
I said, when I say “Hello”
Don’t be surprised when I say “Hello”……..So “HELLO!”…….Lolz…….
YES!!! Hello EX-GURLFRIEND! How are ya? You say you’re fine but you don’t look fine to me. You look like you’ve lost some useful weight. You look like crap! Hehehe…..Wait! *straight face*….I fucking mean that. You look like crap to me. Maybe it’s your new boyfriend’s sperm. Maybe it doesn’t suit your system, which is why it’s not telling well on your entire awful-looking body.
Gosh! I’m so glad you broke up with me. At least you can see the difference now, can’t you? You can see you were better off with me….you dumb, doggy-not-liking buffoon! HAHAHA!!! Oh I’m so going to finish you on here today! STUPID BITCH!!!
I’m sure you’re not dumb enough though, to know that I am specially going to diss you using Burna Boy’s hot single – Like To Party. You know that right? Good! I’m sure you like that jam. Guess what? I fucking do too and I’m going to hate on your emaciated-ass with it. I mean, I’ve already started with it and I’m sure as hell going to conclude with it. HAHA!!!
So yes! I got ma fresh, new dark RayBan shades on and I’m here chilling at this awesome party filled with young, hot, mad and crazy bitches who are willing to give me THAT SPECIAL POSITION that you always complained and bitched about. That unique position that every true nigga loves and always wants to adopt with his gurl during sex. Yes! I’m talking about the DOGGY STYLE bitch and since I can easily get that from any girl of my choice at this party, why should I fucking take your apologetic-ass back? Huh? Go ahead nau! Give me one good reason? ‘Cos we tried out other positions??? Yeah! Right! MTSCEEW! FUCK THAT SHIT BITCH!!!
Now look at you! Look at your pitiful and miserable self, standing there and begging me to take you back. Have you forgotten you were the one who jilted me in the first place? Have you forgotten so quickly that it was you who called it quits with the relationship when you caught me banging Tolani from behind??? Have you forgotten I begged you and promised never to allow that repeat itself??? HAVE YOU??? MTSHEEEEEEWWWW!!!!! Gerrout joor!!!
And I remember o! I remember clearly how I, without stop, pleaded with you back then to allow me fuck you from behind but you NEVER LET ME…..NOT EVEN ONCE! CHAI!!! YOU DENIED ME MY FAVOURITE POSITION??? ALL THROUGH THE THREE FUCKING MONTHS THAT WE DATED!!! I can’t fucking believe how I even put up with your shit in the first place. DAYYUMM!!!
Anyway, the good thing is, since you ditched my black ass, things have been looking up for me…..sexually that is! Ever since you broke up with me, I’ve been having as much ‘Doggy’ as I want. I’m gonna get it from one of these sluts here in this party and there’s nothing you can do about it! GBAM!
I don’t even know why Tunji bothered to invite you to his party sef. Oh yeah *slaps self*…I forgot I didn’t tell him we weren’t a couple no more. He just invited you in good faith so do yourself a favour and go suck his dick, aaight??? Hehehe………….
What? EHN?? WETIN HAPPEN??? I NOR GREE ABEG! Take you back??? TUFIAKWA! Gurl, have you forgotten???
Sebi I bin beg you, you nor wan gree
You caught me jerking on Tolani
And you decided to break up with me
WHY??? You say I no be human being
So I’m now here with the gurls dem that gbadun doggy
And like to shake their body
I said I’m here with the sluts dem that GBADUN DOGGY
And like to flaunt their bobbie
Shaking ‘em to the left……and to the right
To the left………and to the right
To the left………and to the right
To the left………and to the right
HEHEHE……………………………………………..
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
A Mother’s Love with its Touching Tale of Incest.
Hallo you! How are ya! Cool I bet….*smile*. You know, I was working on yet another sick and twisted post when I came across this tweet from my boss, friend and mentor - @TweetOracle about a writing competition put together by a certain Tosin Ogunleye. I’m not actually a hundred per cent sure but I believe the contest is tagged ‘Pure Mother’s Love’. The competition requires participants to send in their entries in the form of short stories about true and unconditional love from mothers to puremotherslove@gmail.com. If you’re into stuff like that, I encourage you to give it a try. You never know what you might win…..*wink*.
Anyway, y’all know I’m usually only interested in writing about sex, music and humour right? I really can’t explain then, how I somehow got drawn to this challenge. To cut the long story short sha, I decided to send in my entry. Do enjoy!..................................................................
Momma is still gone. Far away from me she still is and even though it’s been three years now since dad and I lost her mysteriously, I still see her in my nightly nightmares. I still hear her faint sobs and I still feel her uncomfortable touch. I still hear her in my head….saying “I’m doing this for you my love. Try not to disappoint me again”.
As I tell this story now, I remember Tosin again. How could I ever forget her? Oh how I pray she suffers unbearable pain and frustration wherever she is right now! She may have bolted out of the blues three years ago as well but I know the God I serve will mete out appropriate justice to her. I know HE will help me wreak vengeance upon her devilish soul. After all, she is the reason why momma is no more.
Tosin was the girl I chose to date in my second year in the university. I chose her because she was very pretty and endowed. Big boobs and a heavy-duty arse she had back then. She was a good lay too and a very tough nympho to please. I learnt a great deal about her personality within the four months that we dated but what I never got to find out was that she was fetish. Yes! Very fetish and it was already too late when I made this discovery.
I’ve always known women could be jealous but never in my life have I again encountered a woman who would result to charms in a desperate bid to keep her man.
Tosin charmed me with her vagina, which I was already used to penetrating. I was far used to sex with her but things turned unusually different when I fell terribly ill just 15 minutes after a hot sex bout with her. I suspect she used ‘juju’ on me just to punish me for sleeping with her best friend, Tinuke. And really, that happened one time and was quite an unfortunate mistake for the bitch seduced me.
I was shaking hard on the bed when Tosin bolted out of my room and out of sight. I didn’t know she had anything to do with my situation until momma came in from the shop and not hearing me respond to her call that she was home, searched for me in my room and found me shaking like a jelly-fish on my bed.
I couldn’t tell her much other than I had just had sex with my girlfriend (whom she was acquainted with) and some serious cold took over me right after. She panicked and being just the two of us at home, rushed me to a private hospital in GRA, Ikeja all by her already fatigued self.
I couldn’t be diagnosed with anything at the hospital by the doctor. All I faintly heard him telling momma was that I was losing blood by the minute. He said I was being mysteriously drained of blood with every passing minute and though he was confused as to the cause, something had to be done quickly. He however couldn’t make any suggestion until he left and a kind nurse pulled momma aside and said a few words to her hearing. I’m sure she kindly explained that my case was likely spiritual. I bet she also gave momma some information because instantly, momma whisked me away, with the assistance of the nurse and without the knowledge of the doctor, to her car and we were back on the road. Three of us this time.
Momma drove out of Lagos and into Ogun State, dodging traffic and yelling at Okada riders until we reached a very rural neighbourhood. I was fast losing my sight but I saw tall trees and thick bush all the way. By the time I opened my eyes again, all I got was a blurred vision of an old man, the nurse and momma. My ears still functioned though and after what seemed like a minute, I heard the old man say “Hmmn….your son has been infected with the jealous lover’s potion. He got it through intercourse and it’s antidote also comes through intercourse…..intercourse with a beloved and one who is not jealous. Can you find such a person other than yourself? Your son has but a few minutes to live as he is almost completely drained of blood.”
Though I felt too weak to talk, I was utterly confused. So were momma and the kind nurse. The old man later told me nurse covered her face in tears when she realised the decision momma took upon realising that there was no other female with us who loved me and who wasn’t jealous.
Momma with the help of the old man carried me into a room and I felt numb all over my body for a brief moment. My vision still diminishing somehow caught momma on top of me with her right hand unzipping my fly and bringing out my limp penis to stroke it. As soon as all the blood left in me managed to flow there, momma lifted up her wrapper, pulled down her panty and inserted my now hard dick into her dry vagina. Though I enjoyed the warm and sweet feeling, it was totally wrong.
Momma kept going up and down on me for about a minute before I ejaculated some hot cum into her. I believe I fainted after that but woke up strong and well a few minutes later to find momma lying down on the floor. I thought she fainted too and tried to shake her to wake up until the old man came into the room and shouted “Young man, stop it! She is gone now. You will see her again if you make heaven. She paid the ultimate sacrifice for you to live and you must desist from fornication henceforth no matter how tempted you get. Your mother is a true mother. May the gods be with her.”
I was still confused and speechless until the old man asked the nurse to come in and take me home in momma’s car. Nurse explained everything to me as we drove and I cried till we got home to meet dad waiting impatiently and looking confused upon our arrival.
I couldn’t muster the courage to tell dad what I had done to momma. I let nurse do it instead. I let her tell dad how I killed momma….how I ended her life abruptly due to fornication on my part and incest on hers. TOSIN THANK YOU EHN??? WHEREVER YOU ARE, I LEAVE YOU TO GOD.
Anyway, y’all know I’m usually only interested in writing about sex, music and humour right? I really can’t explain then, how I somehow got drawn to this challenge. To cut the long story short sha, I decided to send in my entry. Do enjoy!..................................................................
Momma is still gone. Far away from me she still is and even though it’s been three years now since dad and I lost her mysteriously, I still see her in my nightly nightmares. I still hear her faint sobs and I still feel her uncomfortable touch. I still hear her in my head….saying “I’m doing this for you my love. Try not to disappoint me again”.
As I tell this story now, I remember Tosin again. How could I ever forget her? Oh how I pray she suffers unbearable pain and frustration wherever she is right now! She may have bolted out of the blues three years ago as well but I know the God I serve will mete out appropriate justice to her. I know HE will help me wreak vengeance upon her devilish soul. After all, she is the reason why momma is no more.
Tosin was the girl I chose to date in my second year in the university. I chose her because she was very pretty and endowed. Big boobs and a heavy-duty arse she had back then. She was a good lay too and a very tough nympho to please. I learnt a great deal about her personality within the four months that we dated but what I never got to find out was that she was fetish. Yes! Very fetish and it was already too late when I made this discovery.
I’ve always known women could be jealous but never in my life have I again encountered a woman who would result to charms in a desperate bid to keep her man.
Tosin charmed me with her vagina, which I was already used to penetrating. I was far used to sex with her but things turned unusually different when I fell terribly ill just 15 minutes after a hot sex bout with her. I suspect she used ‘juju’ on me just to punish me for sleeping with her best friend, Tinuke. And really, that happened one time and was quite an unfortunate mistake for the bitch seduced me.
I was shaking hard on the bed when Tosin bolted out of my room and out of sight. I didn’t know she had anything to do with my situation until momma came in from the shop and not hearing me respond to her call that she was home, searched for me in my room and found me shaking like a jelly-fish on my bed.
I couldn’t tell her much other than I had just had sex with my girlfriend (whom she was acquainted with) and some serious cold took over me right after. She panicked and being just the two of us at home, rushed me to a private hospital in GRA, Ikeja all by her already fatigued self.
I couldn’t be diagnosed with anything at the hospital by the doctor. All I faintly heard him telling momma was that I was losing blood by the minute. He said I was being mysteriously drained of blood with every passing minute and though he was confused as to the cause, something had to be done quickly. He however couldn’t make any suggestion until he left and a kind nurse pulled momma aside and said a few words to her hearing. I’m sure she kindly explained that my case was likely spiritual. I bet she also gave momma some information because instantly, momma whisked me away, with the assistance of the nurse and without the knowledge of the doctor, to her car and we were back on the road. Three of us this time.
Momma drove out of Lagos and into Ogun State, dodging traffic and yelling at Okada riders until we reached a very rural neighbourhood. I was fast losing my sight but I saw tall trees and thick bush all the way. By the time I opened my eyes again, all I got was a blurred vision of an old man, the nurse and momma. My ears still functioned though and after what seemed like a minute, I heard the old man say “Hmmn….your son has been infected with the jealous lover’s potion. He got it through intercourse and it’s antidote also comes through intercourse…..intercourse with a beloved and one who is not jealous. Can you find such a person other than yourself? Your son has but a few minutes to live as he is almost completely drained of blood.”
Though I felt too weak to talk, I was utterly confused. So were momma and the kind nurse. The old man later told me nurse covered her face in tears when she realised the decision momma took upon realising that there was no other female with us who loved me and who wasn’t jealous.
Momma with the help of the old man carried me into a room and I felt numb all over my body for a brief moment. My vision still diminishing somehow caught momma on top of me with her right hand unzipping my fly and bringing out my limp penis to stroke it. As soon as all the blood left in me managed to flow there, momma lifted up her wrapper, pulled down her panty and inserted my now hard dick into her dry vagina. Though I enjoyed the warm and sweet feeling, it was totally wrong.
Momma kept going up and down on me for about a minute before I ejaculated some hot cum into her. I believe I fainted after that but woke up strong and well a few minutes later to find momma lying down on the floor. I thought she fainted too and tried to shake her to wake up until the old man came into the room and shouted “Young man, stop it! She is gone now. You will see her again if you make heaven. She paid the ultimate sacrifice for you to live and you must desist from fornication henceforth no matter how tempted you get. Your mother is a true mother. May the gods be with her.”
I was still confused and speechless until the old man asked the nurse to come in and take me home in momma’s car. Nurse explained everything to me as we drove and I cried till we got home to meet dad waiting impatiently and looking confused upon our arrival.
I couldn’t muster the courage to tell dad what I had done to momma. I let nurse do it instead. I let her tell dad how I killed momma….how I ended her life abruptly due to fornication on my part and incest on hers. TOSIN THANK YOU EHN??? WHEREVER YOU ARE, I LEAVE YOU TO GOD.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Kingston Town…….My Raw Remix
Hi you! I bet you’re doing well as always. You bet I am too. Em….do pardon me if you happen not to feel this post by the slightest of chances. It’s simply the aftermath of my afternoon boozing. You see, I’ve never really been a soccer person but I did follow a flatmate of mine to watch the Manchester United versus Arsenal game simply because he offered to buy me free stout….lolz. Ain’t that just plain crazy??? Hmmn….the sacrifices I make for stout ehn? SMH…..lolz
Anyway, whilst my buddy was completely held captive by the high and low moments of the game, I was quite absorbed in my strictly high moments of drinking….lolz. Now, the thing about my drinking is that my mind often tends to wander as I get high. So, please don’t be taken aback if I tell ya my mind suddenly rewound to my days in primary school and recollected memories of my music teacher at the time. One of his songs, which I thoroughly enjoyed learning and singing back then just began playing itself in my head and my perverted brain couldn’t help but do justice to the piece of music. Here it goes…………………………...
I wanted to play
But you said you were gay
Yet ma rod was shining like some lightning struck
I’ll take a trip on a sailing ship
And when I reach Jamaica I’m sure to fuck
Bitch I’m sad to say
I’m on ma way
I won’t be back till your bush is grey
My shaft is brown and it keeps spinning around
I need to screw a little girl in Kingston Town.
HEHEHE………
Anyway, whilst my buddy was completely held captive by the high and low moments of the game, I was quite absorbed in my strictly high moments of drinking….lolz. Now, the thing about my drinking is that my mind often tends to wander as I get high. So, please don’t be taken aback if I tell ya my mind suddenly rewound to my days in primary school and recollected memories of my music teacher at the time. One of his songs, which I thoroughly enjoyed learning and singing back then just began playing itself in my head and my perverted brain couldn’t help but do justice to the piece of music. Here it goes…………………………...
I wanted to play
But you said you were gay
Yet ma rod was shining like some lightning struck
I’ll take a trip on a sailing ship
And when I reach Jamaica I’m sure to fuck
Bitch I’m sad to say
I’m on ma way
I won’t be back till your bush is grey
My shaft is brown and it keeps spinning around
I need to screw a little girl in Kingston Town.
HEHEHE………
Friday, November 2, 2012
Bad Break Up
Okay bitch, now here's the deal
I don't mean to kick you to the curb but I'm begging you to please move ‘to the left’
Things ain't right between us so I think it's high time you stepped
Don't think I'm making this decision because I'm both frustrated and vexed
I'm simply tired of offering you apologies; why wait for the next?
It's funny though to think you say I hump recklessly
But then, I never before now, accused you of parting your legs so frequently and so carelessly
C'mon nau, we both know what I'm saying is true
I mean, your boss; old classmate and ex-lover all do too
So please let's be mature and stop the blame game
'Cos funny it would be to stand here and watch you re-enact the pot calling the kettle names
How nice it was back then though when we flaunted our love everywhere; even in the streets
I'll never forget how I always looked forward to us getting freaky beneath the sheets
But now, the chemistry bonding us has gone from sweet to sour
We no longer care about showing off sexual power, but prefer to nag and fight at every hour
When it ain't you complaining about your girlfriends tongue-lashing and nibbling on my large sausage
It would be me ranting about how them blokes commend you for being able to swallow, in a text message
And when it ain't me complaining about your boss dominating the list in your call records
It would be you nagging about me patronising the birthday-suit club every second
So I think it's best that we split. I'll have the cigar case and you can keep the mug
Bye-bye babe! You bet I'll be sure to remain a hot stud
I only hope you'll someday change and stop being a female dog.
BITCH!!!
I don't mean to kick you to the curb but I'm begging you to please move ‘to the left’
Things ain't right between us so I think it's high time you stepped
Don't think I'm making this decision because I'm both frustrated and vexed
I'm simply tired of offering you apologies; why wait for the next?
It's funny though to think you say I hump recklessly
But then, I never before now, accused you of parting your legs so frequently and so carelessly
C'mon nau, we both know what I'm saying is true
I mean, your boss; old classmate and ex-lover all do too
So please let's be mature and stop the blame game
'Cos funny it would be to stand here and watch you re-enact the pot calling the kettle names
How nice it was back then though when we flaunted our love everywhere; even in the streets
I'll never forget how I always looked forward to us getting freaky beneath the sheets
But now, the chemistry bonding us has gone from sweet to sour
We no longer care about showing off sexual power, but prefer to nag and fight at every hour
When it ain't you complaining about your girlfriends tongue-lashing and nibbling on my large sausage
It would be me ranting about how them blokes commend you for being able to swallow, in a text message
And when it ain't me complaining about your boss dominating the list in your call records
It would be you nagging about me patronising the birthday-suit club every second
So I think it's best that we split. I'll have the cigar case and you can keep the mug
Bye-bye babe! You bet I'll be sure to remain a hot stud
I only hope you'll someday change and stop being a female dog.
BITCH!!!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Yours Truly,
It was the 2nd Wednesday in the nostalgic month of May
I remember it so well; indeed like it was yesterday
Lonely and horny I was, until you came my way
And konji came to an abrupt end........Oh! What a blessed day!
You became my fellow, fuckmate and friend
You promised you'd remain so, till the very end
With the magic of your bush, heavenly punani and enchanting scent
You set me right, and out to you my heart instantly went
It would only make sense for me to return the favour
And show how grateful I am that you shagged me and became my saviour
Your cunnilingus needs, I will not toy with and your clitoris, I will pleasurably labour
You drive me wild each time you scream my name..... Oh lawd!..Yes DEBO!
And so shall it be till our private parts get weary, old and weak
You being my little whore and I your sweet adorable freak
Cheat on you with your bestie? Maybe No, maybe Yes
But never will a time come when I would ever lust for you less
For you were there for me when I was desperate for sinful company
You went on your knees to bless my cock and proved you did want me
Baby, you are my little angel on earth and this you’ll always be
Sinfully heavenly; glistening and truly a splendid sight to see
This plus much more is why you'll always be dear and precious to me
You complete me......I'll forever fuck you and be YOURS COMPLETELY!
Yours Truly,
I remember it so well; indeed like it was yesterday
Lonely and horny I was, until you came my way
And konji came to an abrupt end........Oh! What a blessed day!
You became my fellow, fuckmate and friend
You promised you'd remain so, till the very end
With the magic of your bush, heavenly punani and enchanting scent
You set me right, and out to you my heart instantly went
It would only make sense for me to return the favour
And show how grateful I am that you shagged me and became my saviour
Your cunnilingus needs, I will not toy with and your clitoris, I will pleasurably labour
You drive me wild each time you scream my name..... Oh lawd!..Yes DEBO!
And so shall it be till our private parts get weary, old and weak
You being my little whore and I your sweet adorable freak
Cheat on you with your bestie? Maybe No, maybe Yes
But never will a time come when I would ever lust for you less
For you were there for me when I was desperate for sinful company
You went on your knees to bless my cock and proved you did want me
Baby, you are my little angel on earth and this you’ll always be
Sinfully heavenly; glistening and truly a splendid sight to see
This plus much more is why you'll always be dear and precious to me
You complete me......I'll forever fuck you and be YOURS COMPLETELY!
Yours Truly,
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