*singing*……………………….
E bin get dis nurse for ma area
One day she bin cure me of malaria
Dis nurse too set; she get heavy chest; and I nor fit forget that smile for her very pretty face
Fellow pervs bin tell me say I don kolo
Whether she get jazz for mouth, I nor go know
Because with just one ‘nod’, my malaria pick race
Wetin she do in one moment, some nurses nor fit do in days……………..*sigh*
Norma! I nor fit get you outta ma head!
I nor..FIT GET YOU OUTTA MA HEEAAADDDDD!!!
Heyy…. Above is my Raw-Remix of Soty’s ‘Malaria’. You know that song? It’s quite old but it’s dedicated to a slutty nurse and fellow #TeamPerv mate on Twitter who cured me of a terrible malaria attack recently.
How could I ever forget that fateful morning? I was jolted out of sleep by a loud ‘BANG’ in my skull. I quickly sat up to feel warm sweat all over my forehead. As I struggled to get up and check the time, I found myself shivering and I knew these symptoms translated into only one thing – MALARIA! But then at 4am in the morning?? And on the day of my project defense??? WHAT THE FUCK!!!
I suddenly felt confused and terribly weak but I knew I had to do something immediately. My supervisor was the devil’s nephew and I knew that my failing to appear before the critiquing panel by 3pm that day would earn me an extra year in school. An extra semester because of one bloody final year project?? TUFIAKWA!!!
I crawled out of ma room right away. I didn’t have a choice but to disturb my homeboy and floor-mate, who was most likely sleeping next door.
“Mula!..Mula! Abeg you get panadol?” I spoke not too loudly while knocking on his door so as not to unnecessarily wake the other floor-mates.
Mula opened the door slightly at first, poking a face with weary eyes to find me leaning on the side wall with all my might. “Yeah. E be like so. I dey come” and he left the door temporarily to fetch it. By the time he returned with the pills and wanted to hand it to me, he appeared shocked to find my bumbum flat on the floor with my back against the wall.
“Bruv, wetin do you nau!”
“Mayne, na malaria o! I tire!” I groaned.
“Malaria?....Na malaria hook you like dis. Na im you wan kon use panadol?? Omo, na school clinic you dey go o! Oya here!” Mula stretched out his arm, which I took and he pulled me up. He made me put an arm around his neck as he steadied me and tried his best to get me to walk with him.
“Where we dey go?” I stupidly asked him, even when I knew he was trying to lead me to the school clinic, a short distance away.
“School clinic naa!” he responded kindly. “You gaz get proper treatment. The Panadol wey you bin ask for no be am at all with dis your present state ‘cos I dey suspect say the tin don enta your bodi wella.”
“But day never break naa! Shey the place go dey open by this time?”
“Ahn-ahn! Yes nau! Na all those students wey dey catch asthma attack dey usually patronise there for dis kain time sef. No worry, you go see person to treat you when we reach.”
“Choi! And I bin get my project defense by 3pm today o!” I lamented.
“Ah! For real? Mehn, na your health first o! Person wey sick nor dey fit stand to face panel o! Make we dey go clinic abeg.” Mula pleaded with me. I nodded in response; not because I silently agreed with my friend but because I was now too weak to let my cunt-sucking mouth perform its primary function of speaking.
The walk to the school clinic ordinarily should have cost us 10minutes of our time but because I dragged along slowly; arm around Mula’s neck for support and movement, we spent a little over 25mins along the dark, quiet path. Soon though, we saw brightly lit bulbs and the flashing signpost that read ‘LCU School Clinic’ and I let out a soft sigh of relief.
Mula had to leave me just as soon as I had produced my ‘Clinic Care Number’ on the request of the presiding doctor. The goggles-wearing fella had commended him for assisting me and also assured him that I would be given appropriate medical attention. Because I could barely walk, I was quickly placed on admission after being diagnosed with acute malaria fever and one of the few FAT Nurses on duty helped me to a ward and put me on a bed. While she told me the doctor would be coming in soon to attend to me and commence my treatment, I suddenly wondered why all these nurses were fat as fuck and obsessively obese. So were the much older-looking matrons except for one who looked skinny and hungry. They all looked so unattractive and I wondered what suddenly happened to the popular saying ‘Nurses are Beautiful’. I mean I was used to appreciating beautiful faces with protruding backsides in short mini white gowns but this was quite depressing. I coughed suddenly and it was when I stopped thinking and started breathing-in more that the foul and nauseating odour of medicine hit me and made me feel sicker. Oh how I hated being inside hospitals!
Well, Dr. Spectacles showed up soon enough with a syringe and a small bottle in both hands and I suddenly felt struck dumb. What I saw rendered my mouth dry and literally took my breath away. My heart was racing and trickles of sweat seeped out of my skin pores. It wasn’t the sight of the syringe though…..I never get scared of being stabbed in the arse. It was the sight of his COMPANION!
She walked into the room with him carrying a tray of biscuits and jam. As she set it down on a table just beside my bed, she smiled and almost gave me a nervous breakdown. SHE WAS GORGEOUS MAYNE! Dressed in a very sexy mini nurse’s uniform, she shone in white and looked just like an angel. She seemed average in height too and wearing black shiny heels, I couldn’t help but have my watery eyes fixated on her bosom. That upper part of her body was swollen and I knew it was all made up of breasts…..BIG, YUMMY AND JUICY BREASTS. Though she made a good effort in trying to conceal them beneath her gown, I knew there were huge, luscious-looking pieces of mammary glands hidden there and waiting to be set free upon my mouth. I unconsciously began salivating despite the sorry fact that I was still shivering from my malaria.
All this time, the doctor had already mixed fluids to make a concoction and prepared a jab for me. My delectable nurse, as if on cue, moved close to stand beside him as he opened his heavy-moustached mouth to speak…………
“My dear young man, how are you feeling?”
“Not very good sir. I feel weak and feverish”
Doctor smiled and said “Hmm… I see. Well don’t worry okay? This here (holding up the syringe) will make you feel better and my assistant nurse here will be …………………….but an abrupt alarm put a pause on his talk.
“DOCTOR DOCTOR!!! EMERGENCY IN THE RECEPTION! FIRE VICTIM SIR!!!!” one of the ugly fat nurses yelled as she ran into the room.
“OH MY! Please let’s go! (facing his pretty companion)….Please help me administer this on him and (facing me now)…I’ll see you when I get back.” And with that, both Dr. Spectacles and Nurse Fat n’ Ugly dashed out of the room; leaving just I and my sweet-looking nurse to ourselves.
I became very uneasy. I sweated some more and ogled the sweet sexy thang with the big jugs standing before me despite my uncomfortable sickness. I’m a sick perv shey??? *nodding*….Yeah, I know!
My nurse ended up breaking the silence that had quickly filled the room. “Hi. My name is Norma….. S. Norma. Are you ready for your treatment?” She flashed a set of white and perfectly arranged teeth as she spoke and I felt a different kind of shiver.
“Hullo” I replied weakly. “I’m Debola aka TBP. What’s the ‘S’ in your name for?” I asked curiously.
My nurse chuckled and bent towards me. A flirty smile quickly played across her lips as she said “Hmmn….now that’s actually a secret…but I’ll tell you if you tell me what TBP stands for.” She smiled at me and I felt light enough to actually float in the air.
I cleared my dry throat and smiled back before responding with “It means ‘That Bloody Pervert” followed by a wink. Instantly, my nurse’s face lit up and her eyes widened.
“Wait! You mean the same TBP on Twitter??? TBP aka @Peniscillin??? Gosh! It’s indeed a pleasure. I’ve been following you for weeks now and I read your blog as well. Your stories always get me horny and desperately in need of pleasing myself”. She then leaned close to my ear and whispered “The full name is Slutty Norma. Slutty because I'm that slutty nurse who nurses sick dicks back to good health.” She grinned at me with this and I flashed her my famous Twitter perv grin.
“Oh really? Nice! It’s ironical though ‘cos though you’re my nurse, my dick remains the healthiest part of my body” I winked at her again and coughed lightly.
“Oh no boy! Not in my slutty medical books. You’re on my sick bed now and once the patient is sick, the whole body is sick and it is my duty to nurse the whole body; including the dick to good health. Understood???”
“Yes ma’am” I responded. By now, she was close enough to grant me a good view of her cleavage and my mouth watered at the thought of taking her fair, luscious-looking moulds of flesh in my saliva-producing mouth. Slutty Nurse caught me staring; bent over me in such a way that her chest was now over my head and gave a sultry smile.
“Hmmn….You like huh?”
“Yeah” I said as I boldly set the perv in me loose and reached out to touch her breasts through her firm white clothing. My nurse didn’t flinch; instead, she moved even closer and eased her dress off her shoulders so that it hung loosely around her waist. I was instantly wowed with a lovely sight of twin-mountains of titties being clasped together by a black lace bra. It was such a lovely sight indeed and I was like “Oh boy eeeeeeee! See bobbie!!!”
Slutty Nurse permitted me to cup and squeeze her boobs for a couple of seconds before she took my hands off and turned her back to me. She nudged me to unhook her bra and once I did, I was frigging excited over the hard nipples I would be beholding. I wanted to put those nodes of flesh in my mouth, flick my tongue over them and suck hard. But alas! Slutty Norma made for the door instead and locked it. She walked back towards me and I finally got to see the nipples I craved for.
My slutty nurse granted me full custody of her big boobs then as I licked and sucked hungrily at them. I teased and pleased those titties; especially the nipples so well that they responded by sprouting and shooting out. Norma herself responded well as she sighed and let “Ooohs and Aaaahhs” slip from her thin lips whilst she caressed my face. Her sweet black nipples got so hard that I almost believed they would squirt out some milk. I mean, with each flick of my tongue; with each lick and suck; those nipples got longer, harder and more POINTY! It appeared she was the one getting the treatment now…..lolz.
After some more soul-stirring moans from my slutty nurse, Norma got a grip on herself and traced her hands down my chest to my belly and to my crotch. Finding that Mr. P was already stiff and ready, she dipped one of those lovely hands of hers inside my trousers and caressed him from there. I felt Mr. P go turgid and swollen with red hot blood as she did so and I became terribly excited.
When Slutty Norma felt she had teased me enough, she unzipped my fly and gently eased my cock out of my pants. Taking it firmly in her soft palm and looking it firmly in the eye, she licked her lips and I expected that her next move would be to suck it and drive me crazy in the process. She however chose to thrill me instead with an awesomely sexy surprise first. Slutty Nurse unclasped Mr. P and reached for the jar of strawberry-flavoured jam on the tray beside my bed and opened it. I closed my eyes and threw back my head in anticipation of what was to come because I wanted to feel the cold, yet pleasurable sensation of jam being applied on my cock better. Norma soon laughed and said “You may open your eyes now please” and I did as she requested to find Mr. P fully coated in jam. The sight of it was wonderful and amazing.
With Mr. P smeared in strawberry fudge, my slutty nurse suddenly developed the munchies and this she proved as she went on to put her lips and tongue to good use....slurping away on the jam in wild frenzy and sucking my cock like her next salary depended upon it. As I watched her head bob up and down on Mr. P, I thoroughly enjoyed her stunt of nibbling on my shaft and licking every single spread of the strawberry-flavoured delight off my rod. She spared not the smallest or thinnest of the jam’s spread on me as I felt the rare ecstasy of having her lick and suck out some of that good stuff that hid and buried itself deep inside my pee-hole. I can never forget the wild sensation that took over me as she struggled with my dick cap and fought to draw out what was left of the jam inside it.
I resumed squeezing her boobies and tweaking her hard nipples when I felt the pressure build up fast inside me. She enjoyed that of course and moaned like the sexy little whore that she was. She then went on to lift what was left of her gown and pulled hard at her thong; hanging the thin string on one of her butt cheeks to show me her already wet and dripping pussy. I instantly got the message and proceeded to stroke it using one of my fingers and that earned me an “Oooosh” from her. Feeling encouraged, I dug two fingers into her tight wet snatch and fingered away. Not only did more sweet-sounding moans escape from her mouth; her legs also began to vibrate and wobble.
I’m really not sure if it was strictly the deep and hardcore dick-sucking that I received from my nurse that got me into ejaculation mode or the sweet act of fingering her coupled with the accompanying vocal sounds but I remember all I did next was warn her quickly.
“I’M…I’M….I’M COMING!” I stammered and sighed but Slutty Norma declined in taking her mouth of my cock. Instead, she flicked her tongue on my shaft once more and then went on to further attack my pee-hole by sucking hard on it. I SWEAR, I COULDN’T TAKE NO MORE, neither could I give any further warning. I exploded in her mouth, spewing shots of cum that filled it with some sinking deep into her throat. My nurse didn’t mind though. She kept on sucking and licking like she had just been blessed with some yummy yoghurt. “Mmmmm” she murmured as she licked her lips and wiped some cum off their outline with a fingertip.
That blowjob was certainly magical for though I had leaked off enough sweat to fill a bucket halfway, I suddenly felt good and relieved. My head had stopped banging; I was no longer shivering and I felt like a new burst of energy had just been released inside of me. MY MALARIA WAS GONE! YAY!!!
I quickly sat up and zipped back my fly. My nurse was surprised to see me get up strong and well. I gave her a soft peck on her cheek and made for the door straightaway.
“Hey! Where do you think you’re going young man? You’re yet to get your injection treatment.” She called out to me.
“I’ve got a project defense to prepare for hun. And I certainly did receive my treatment. It was fucking awesome and I owe you head for sure” I said to her without looking back as I swung the door open.
Slutty Norma laughed. “Follow back okay?!! My handle is @SexyNorma2. I heard her holler as the door banged shut.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
(My sincere gratitude goes to @SexyNorma2 for her generous contribution towards telling this sexy story. #TeamPerv rules baby! And you ROCK!!!)
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Daddy, #NewsFlash >>> I Just Got Even With You!!!
Before I even begin this story, my sincere apology goes to @SexyNorma2. In case you get to read this honey, I’m still working on OUR story o and I’m positive it’ll be out soonest. Something unusual and interesting happened today and I just felt pressed to share it with ma faithful blog-reader buddies……*wink*
Now……………..Dear dad,
First of all, NTOOO….NNMEEHHHHH!!! I’ve finally succeeded in getting back at you, you hear?…*yimu*. You think you’re the only badd guy abi? You dey feel like Boss abi?? You think you can fuck me up and not face any repercussion abi??? WELL THINK AGAIN DAD!
Yes dad, I got a confession for you. At about noon today, I did something that would make you very fucking pissed and jealous. Yeah, that’s right. I call it my sweet payback for all your days of torture on me since I came home for the holiday.
But then, why dad??? Ever since I came home from Ibadan, it’s been work..work…WORK with you. Debola do this…Debola do that. Debola…come here….Debola go there. You wan kill person ni??? Or do you think if it was work that brought me home, I wouldn’t have rather stayed back in I.B to read my books??? SHIOOOR!!!
I don’t appreciate the fact that you’ve been slave-driving me dad! You really should realise that the sperm mummy womb-baked for you turned out to be a SON; not an OX. I know my Boss, @TweetOracle highly detests children insulting or rebuking their parents but I’m sure if he met you, he’d take an exception and encourage me to give you a dirty slap ‘KPAAOOWWW!”….like that. Lolz…………..
Everything with you is work, work, WORK dad! You look for work where there is none and instead of you to do the work yourself, you heap it on poor me….*sobs*. You’re such an inconsiderate person and I will give you a piece of my mind one day….you just wait!
You very well knew that our house was still beautiful and in order but because too much money is worrying you, you decided to carry-out UNNECESSARY RENOVATION. Don’t you know I’m the only available son at home to do all the dirty work ni??? *smh*
You wickedly paid six very mature men to change the whole ceiling of the house and these wicked men also did their best in ruining the whole fucking crib with soot, dust and dirt. For the past four days, I’ve been cleaning up after them. Only me o!....Just me sweeping, dusting and packing debris, detritus and dirt away from one living-room, three bedrooms, one long corridor, one kitchen, two bathrooms and the very large compound. You nor try at all dad!....YOU NOR TRY AT ALL!
What hurts me even more is that each time you returned home at night and found me sweeping and sweating, you would go like “Ahn-ahn Debola! You should have told them to clear the place up nau! See how you’re giving yourself unneccesary stress!” and I’ll be thinking “Wait o! Is this man alright? The men working for you are almost as old as you are and you expect me to tell them to clean up after themselves??? I thought the Yoruba culture emphasised respect for elders FOOL!”
Anyway dad, it doesn’t even matter anymore because I’ve already had my sweet revenge. Remember Mr and Mrs Akinlabi; the newly married couple who moved into the estate last month??? Yeah, especially Mrs Akinlabi who has been flirting with you ever since you introduced her and her ignorant hubby to our gardener, electrician and plumber??? GOOD! Well, I saw Mrs Akinlabi today at noon while carrying out one of your many chores……*perv grin*
By the way, I’m sure you never knew this but all that time that Mrs. Akinlabi was actually saying “Oh Mr Kareem, you’ve got a nice house!; Oh Mr Kareem, I like your car!; Oh Mr Kareem, I love your garden and Oh Mr Kareem, you certainly don’t look your age sir!, she was actually flirting with you. You probably thought she was only being a nice and amiable young lady ehn??? OLODO!!! Anyway, I don’t blame you sir. Afterall, you’re not with #TeamPerv nau!....lolz.
Well, as you recall, you gave me your list of new assignments this morning and while I grumbled on the inside, little did I know that item number three would fetch me sweet luck and offer me a chance at hot revenge. HAHA!!
I was already tired from washing your clothes and scrubbing the tiles in your bathroom. I needed a rest and felt terribly hungry but because I wanted to tackle the next assignment before eating my eba with bitterleaf soup and rest, I motivated myself to continue. I had sweated so much from scrubbing your very dirty tiles and so I took off my shirt while carrying the many empty tile cartons outside the house to burn. OH GOD BLESS THE WHITE MAN WHO INVENTED PUSH-UPS!!!
Well, Mrs Akinlabi passed by and she saw me…..shirtless with a rake and standing before a burning pile of cartons. She gave a hot stare before speaking…………….
“Mr. Kareem’s son right?”
“Yes ma. Good afternoon.”
“Afternoon dear. How’s your dad?”
“He’s fine ma. He’s at work.”
“Okay. That’s nice. Em….do you play basketball or something???” she asked with curiosity plastered all over her face.
“Er…no ma” I replied and I thought “Basketball?? Me ke? Common football, I nor fit play, na B.Ball I go kon dey play”….*smh at maself*
“Really? Okay. I’m surprised though because you have a very fine chest. I like your torso. You look fit and nicely built like a sportsman.”
“Wow! Em…thank you ma” I responded blushing.
I quickly took my flatterer in. She looked about 30 years of age and she was wearing heels….S-E-X-Y! Her boobs were pushing hard against her blouse and I couldn’t help but notice some cleavage, which she intentionally flaunted anyway. She was standing whilst facing me sideways and when her backside caught my view, I concluded I could hit that. Oh yeah! That round bumbum caught my fancy. I decided to try my luck and damn all consequences; afterall, I’m TBP – That Bloody Pervert….lolz.
Mrs Akinlabi had just taken her next step when I made my move.
“Can I see yours ma??” I quickly quipped.
“Sorry? See what dear?” she stopped in her tracks with bewilderment, bafflement and obfuscation…..(lolz at the big grammar).
“See your rack….I M..MM..MEAN YOUR CHEST MA!” I quickly replaced the offensive word. “You said you like my chest. I’d like to see yours too to know if I’d like it.” I then flashed her my perv smile and hoped it would work its magic like always.
“Hmmn…..You really are funny boy! You want to see my breasts??? You sure have sheer guts you know??? Anyway, who is home with you?” and then she winked at me before smiling seductively.
YESSSS! I knew I had won her over then.
“No one ma! Just me.”
“Lead me inside then! A quickie will be fine. I’m late for a meeting already.” She said as she moved closer to me.
“Awesome!” I said and dropped the rake instantly. As I led Mrs Akinlabi towards the entrance of your house, she acted like a perv and squeezed my right bum cheek.
“This 69 badge crested on your back pocket ehn, did you purchase this pair of sweat pants intentionally???” She inquired.
“I’m afraid so ma’am.” Came my honest reply.
“Oh you’re such a perv!” she said and I gladly accepted that as a compliment.
Mrs Akinlabi and I were finally inside your house; in the living room to be precise and while still standing, she placed her hands on my chest and started rubbing it before uttering “Nice!”. Her hands had a soft gentle feel and woke Mr. P in no time. I then put my hands around her bum and squeezed the moulds of flesh through her cotton skirt. An exciting soft feel it was I tell ya! Very Nice!
Mrs Akinlabi, while raising her hands in the air, encouraged me to take off her blouse. I did that and was instantly greeted with an enticing rack neatly concealed in a white bra. She threw one hand behind her back to unstrap and her knockers were set free instantly.
“Do you like what you see?” she asked me.
“Oh yes!” I told her. “I like your chest too. Very nice!”
Mrs Akinlabi giggled and said “Ara e o ya! (You are unwell)” before moving her chest closer to my face. I got the message as a sharp guy and consumed one of her luscious-looking titties with my mouth.
“Oooh YESSS!” she moaned when I started flicking my soft, wet tongue on her nipples. Those nodes seemed to swell with each licking and sucking effort and they somewhat tasted like peaches. While I switched from breast to breast with my buccal cavity, Mrs Akinlabi began encouraging me again – she slipped one hand inside my sweat pants and ‘said hello’ to Mr. P.
Soon, I was hard as fuck and ready to thrust. The Mrs noticed this and snatched her left boob from my mouth. “It’s okay dear, I’m already soaked down there.” She said.
Now honestly, when Mrs Akinlabi pushed her skirt down and took it off; as well as her panty; I really wanted to taste her wetness and give her some oral pleasure but she wouldn’t let me.
“I don’t have time boy!” she said again as she pushed me on the couch, yanked off my pants and straddled me. Taking Mr. P in one hand, Mrs Akinlabi slowly guided him into her warm, tight wetness and I felt like dying for a split second.
“Oooooohhhhh! Your dick is hard stiff! I love the way it feels in me” she moaned again as she began riding me like okada.
“Oh yeah!” was all I had to say. Her snatch felt really good and I wanted to bask in the sensation. The okada riding got intense however and transformed into jerking when I took the initiative of taking her right tittie in my mouth; sucking gently and teasing the oval-shaped flesh.
“OH YESSSSS! Don’t stop boy! I’m gonna come! I’M GONNA COME!! OH GOODDDD!!!” she screamed and I saw her stomach muscles twitch and contract.
Mrs Akinlabi let out a cry next and I knew her moment had come. She threw her head forward to rest on my right shoulder before shivering for a second or two. Catching her breath, she got up from Mr. P and mayne that nigga was masked with plenty slimy, sticky and whitish substance! I was going to get up and wipe off her cum but Mrs Akinlabi fucking shocked me dad! She stretched out one hand to sit my ass back down and bent her head over Mr. P. She licked and sucked off every drop of her ejaculation before wiping her lips with one finger and saying “Oh I just love the taste of my cum!”
In less than 60 seconds, Mrs Akinlabi was back fully clothed and she pecked me on my forehead while whispering “That was a good quickie. I know you didn’t get to come so I owe you. I’ll see you later boy. Bye!” and that was it. She left me in the living room in awe and was out of your house, just as quick as she had entered.
Now how does this make you feel dad? Jealous and envious shebi??? HAHAHA! Her pussy was very nice and I already hit that before you could. You know I’m going to hit it again right? Yes nau! Have you forgotten she promised to make me come??? Don’t worry, we’ll fuck again in your house and on your couch and I’m gonna make sure I come all over your expensive leather couch. Hehehe……………
Okay dad, I’m done with my confession. By the way, I’m already packing my bags so by the time you’ll get to read this, I’ll already be in Ibadan. HAHA!!!
WHOOOO!!! Now I suddenly feel like Eminem. I fucking feel like singing a song for you dad. Here it goes……………………………
I’m sorry Papa…..
I never meant to hurt you……
I never meant to fuck her right and tonight, I’m CLEANING OUT MA CLOSET!!!
HAHA!!!
Bye dad!
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Now……………..Dear dad,
First of all, NTOOO….NNMEEHHHHH!!! I’ve finally succeeded in getting back at you, you hear?…*yimu*. You think you’re the only badd guy abi? You dey feel like Boss abi?? You think you can fuck me up and not face any repercussion abi??? WELL THINK AGAIN DAD!
Yes dad, I got a confession for you. At about noon today, I did something that would make you very fucking pissed and jealous. Yeah, that’s right. I call it my sweet payback for all your days of torture on me since I came home for the holiday.
But then, why dad??? Ever since I came home from Ibadan, it’s been work..work…WORK with you. Debola do this…Debola do that. Debola…come here….Debola go there. You wan kill person ni??? Or do you think if it was work that brought me home, I wouldn’t have rather stayed back in I.B to read my books??? SHIOOOR!!!
I don’t appreciate the fact that you’ve been slave-driving me dad! You really should realise that the sperm mummy womb-baked for you turned out to be a SON; not an OX. I know my Boss, @TweetOracle highly detests children insulting or rebuking their parents but I’m sure if he met you, he’d take an exception and encourage me to give you a dirty slap ‘KPAAOOWWW!”….like that. Lolz…………..
Everything with you is work, work, WORK dad! You look for work where there is none and instead of you to do the work yourself, you heap it on poor me….*sobs*. You’re such an inconsiderate person and I will give you a piece of my mind one day….you just wait!
You very well knew that our house was still beautiful and in order but because too much money is worrying you, you decided to carry-out UNNECESSARY RENOVATION. Don’t you know I’m the only available son at home to do all the dirty work ni??? *smh*
You wickedly paid six very mature men to change the whole ceiling of the house and these wicked men also did their best in ruining the whole fucking crib with soot, dust and dirt. For the past four days, I’ve been cleaning up after them. Only me o!....Just me sweeping, dusting and packing debris, detritus and dirt away from one living-room, three bedrooms, one long corridor, one kitchen, two bathrooms and the very large compound. You nor try at all dad!....YOU NOR TRY AT ALL!
What hurts me even more is that each time you returned home at night and found me sweeping and sweating, you would go like “Ahn-ahn Debola! You should have told them to clear the place up nau! See how you’re giving yourself unneccesary stress!” and I’ll be thinking “Wait o! Is this man alright? The men working for you are almost as old as you are and you expect me to tell them to clean up after themselves??? I thought the Yoruba culture emphasised respect for elders FOOL!”
Anyway dad, it doesn’t even matter anymore because I’ve already had my sweet revenge. Remember Mr and Mrs Akinlabi; the newly married couple who moved into the estate last month??? Yeah, especially Mrs Akinlabi who has been flirting with you ever since you introduced her and her ignorant hubby to our gardener, electrician and plumber??? GOOD! Well, I saw Mrs Akinlabi today at noon while carrying out one of your many chores……*perv grin*
By the way, I’m sure you never knew this but all that time that Mrs. Akinlabi was actually saying “Oh Mr Kareem, you’ve got a nice house!; Oh Mr Kareem, I like your car!; Oh Mr Kareem, I love your garden and Oh Mr Kareem, you certainly don’t look your age sir!, she was actually flirting with you. You probably thought she was only being a nice and amiable young lady ehn??? OLODO!!! Anyway, I don’t blame you sir. Afterall, you’re not with #TeamPerv nau!....lolz.
Well, as you recall, you gave me your list of new assignments this morning and while I grumbled on the inside, little did I know that item number three would fetch me sweet luck and offer me a chance at hot revenge. HAHA!!
I was already tired from washing your clothes and scrubbing the tiles in your bathroom. I needed a rest and felt terribly hungry but because I wanted to tackle the next assignment before eating my eba with bitterleaf soup and rest, I motivated myself to continue. I had sweated so much from scrubbing your very dirty tiles and so I took off my shirt while carrying the many empty tile cartons outside the house to burn. OH GOD BLESS THE WHITE MAN WHO INVENTED PUSH-UPS!!!
Well, Mrs Akinlabi passed by and she saw me…..shirtless with a rake and standing before a burning pile of cartons. She gave a hot stare before speaking…………….
“Mr. Kareem’s son right?”
“Yes ma. Good afternoon.”
“Afternoon dear. How’s your dad?”
“He’s fine ma. He’s at work.”
“Okay. That’s nice. Em….do you play basketball or something???” she asked with curiosity plastered all over her face.
“Er…no ma” I replied and I thought “Basketball?? Me ke? Common football, I nor fit play, na B.Ball I go kon dey play”….*smh at maself*
“Really? Okay. I’m surprised though because you have a very fine chest. I like your torso. You look fit and nicely built like a sportsman.”
“Wow! Em…thank you ma” I responded blushing.
I quickly took my flatterer in. She looked about 30 years of age and she was wearing heels….S-E-X-Y! Her boobs were pushing hard against her blouse and I couldn’t help but notice some cleavage, which she intentionally flaunted anyway. She was standing whilst facing me sideways and when her backside caught my view, I concluded I could hit that. Oh yeah! That round bumbum caught my fancy. I decided to try my luck and damn all consequences; afterall, I’m TBP – That Bloody Pervert….lolz.
Mrs Akinlabi had just taken her next step when I made my move.
“Can I see yours ma??” I quickly quipped.
“Sorry? See what dear?” she stopped in her tracks with bewilderment, bafflement and obfuscation…..(lolz at the big grammar).
“See your rack….I M..MM..MEAN YOUR CHEST MA!” I quickly replaced the offensive word. “You said you like my chest. I’d like to see yours too to know if I’d like it.” I then flashed her my perv smile and hoped it would work its magic like always.
“Hmmn…..You really are funny boy! You want to see my breasts??? You sure have sheer guts you know??? Anyway, who is home with you?” and then she winked at me before smiling seductively.
YESSSS! I knew I had won her over then.
“No one ma! Just me.”
“Lead me inside then! A quickie will be fine. I’m late for a meeting already.” She said as she moved closer to me.
“Awesome!” I said and dropped the rake instantly. As I led Mrs Akinlabi towards the entrance of your house, she acted like a perv and squeezed my right bum cheek.
“This 69 badge crested on your back pocket ehn, did you purchase this pair of sweat pants intentionally???” She inquired.
“I’m afraid so ma’am.” Came my honest reply.
“Oh you’re such a perv!” she said and I gladly accepted that as a compliment.
Mrs Akinlabi and I were finally inside your house; in the living room to be precise and while still standing, she placed her hands on my chest and started rubbing it before uttering “Nice!”. Her hands had a soft gentle feel and woke Mr. P in no time. I then put my hands around her bum and squeezed the moulds of flesh through her cotton skirt. An exciting soft feel it was I tell ya! Very Nice!
Mrs Akinlabi, while raising her hands in the air, encouraged me to take off her blouse. I did that and was instantly greeted with an enticing rack neatly concealed in a white bra. She threw one hand behind her back to unstrap and her knockers were set free instantly.
“Do you like what you see?” she asked me.
“Oh yes!” I told her. “I like your chest too. Very nice!”
Mrs Akinlabi giggled and said “Ara e o ya! (You are unwell)” before moving her chest closer to my face. I got the message as a sharp guy and consumed one of her luscious-looking titties with my mouth.
“Oooh YESSS!” she moaned when I started flicking my soft, wet tongue on her nipples. Those nodes seemed to swell with each licking and sucking effort and they somewhat tasted like peaches. While I switched from breast to breast with my buccal cavity, Mrs Akinlabi began encouraging me again – she slipped one hand inside my sweat pants and ‘said hello’ to Mr. P.
Soon, I was hard as fuck and ready to thrust. The Mrs noticed this and snatched her left boob from my mouth. “It’s okay dear, I’m already soaked down there.” She said.
Now honestly, when Mrs Akinlabi pushed her skirt down and took it off; as well as her panty; I really wanted to taste her wetness and give her some oral pleasure but she wouldn’t let me.
“I don’t have time boy!” she said again as she pushed me on the couch, yanked off my pants and straddled me. Taking Mr. P in one hand, Mrs Akinlabi slowly guided him into her warm, tight wetness and I felt like dying for a split second.
“Oooooohhhhh! Your dick is hard stiff! I love the way it feels in me” she moaned again as she began riding me like okada.
“Oh yeah!” was all I had to say. Her snatch felt really good and I wanted to bask in the sensation. The okada riding got intense however and transformed into jerking when I took the initiative of taking her right tittie in my mouth; sucking gently and teasing the oval-shaped flesh.
“OH YESSSSS! Don’t stop boy! I’m gonna come! I’M GONNA COME!! OH GOODDDD!!!” she screamed and I saw her stomach muscles twitch and contract.
Mrs Akinlabi let out a cry next and I knew her moment had come. She threw her head forward to rest on my right shoulder before shivering for a second or two. Catching her breath, she got up from Mr. P and mayne that nigga was masked with plenty slimy, sticky and whitish substance! I was going to get up and wipe off her cum but Mrs Akinlabi fucking shocked me dad! She stretched out one hand to sit my ass back down and bent her head over Mr. P. She licked and sucked off every drop of her ejaculation before wiping her lips with one finger and saying “Oh I just love the taste of my cum!”
In less than 60 seconds, Mrs Akinlabi was back fully clothed and she pecked me on my forehead while whispering “That was a good quickie. I know you didn’t get to come so I owe you. I’ll see you later boy. Bye!” and that was it. She left me in the living room in awe and was out of your house, just as quick as she had entered.
Now how does this make you feel dad? Jealous and envious shebi??? HAHAHA! Her pussy was very nice and I already hit that before you could. You know I’m going to hit it again right? Yes nau! Have you forgotten she promised to make me come??? Don’t worry, we’ll fuck again in your house and on your couch and I’m gonna make sure I come all over your expensive leather couch. Hehehe……………
Okay dad, I’m done with my confession. By the way, I’m already packing my bags so by the time you’ll get to read this, I’ll already be in Ibadan. HAHA!!!
WHOOOO!!! Now I suddenly feel like Eminem. I fucking feel like singing a song for you dad. Here it goes……………………………
I’m sorry Papa…..
I never meant to hurt you……
I never meant to fuck her right and tonight, I’m CLEANING OUT MA CLOSET!!!
HAHA!!!
Bye dad!
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Angelina & A Blowjob Scam (Final Part)
(A 50% Fiction, 50% Factual Story)
Heyyy…..I’m back! Miss me???.....lolz. I sure hope you enjoyed reading the #OOMFF story just as much as I enjoyed telling it. It’s now time to finish this one before I act like Jay-Z and go ON TO DA NEXT ONE!...lolz.
So things got pretty tense and uncomfortable once home with the fellaz and our accompanying hoes. General Yong was still smarting from the insults he had received earlier from Shuku. T.Money already was trying to come up with a fucking arrangement of some sort, knowing fully well that things had to be done, not only appropriately, but quietly to forestall trouble in his buddy’s house at 1:30 in the morning. Buddy, our cohort in the pussy struggle must have been either drunk or tired as fuck for he kept dozing off and nodding his head in a funny manner whilst still erect on his feet. As for me; you bet I still had my eyes wide open and fixed on Angelina’s hot, sexy and highly tempting body….HAHA! You know me nau! A bloody perv yo! *wink*
T.Money finally killed the dead silence that was fast consuming us as we made our way into the apartment. “Look guys, this is how we gonna do it. Since it appears my hommie, Yong ain’t digging Angie’s friend, he and I are gonna lay Angie. You (talking to me now) and this hommie can have Angie’s pal for the night. Y’all feel me???”. He didn’t even mind that these bitches were right there with us. He came out fucking blunt and I wondered for a minute if Angie or her friend ever imagined themselves as cows waiting to be slaughtered at a sex abattoir during that moment.
“Yes Boss!” we all kinda chorused but mine never came from my heart. I wanted Angie so bad. She was my fucking choice. If not that Yong possessed much dislike (or should I say hatred) for Shuku, I’m sure I could have talked him into convincing T.Money to at least admit me into their camp. Angie baby was just right for my fast rising lust. She was the one my heart told me to sink my prick into. she was the one I wanted to fuck all night. She was THE ONE WITH THE PUSSY FOR ME!!!….*smh*
Luck came my way however….and it came in the form of a sweet sound slumber. Once inside our cohort’s room, T.Money counted three thousand naira each and handed it out to the gurls. Next thing you know, he was out of his shirt and jeans in no time at all and pulling Angie towards one of the two mattresses in the medium-sized room. He amused me and I quickly assumed he could no longer hold his konji….lolz. The others and I got onto the other bed and watched them. I had never been in this situation before….EVER! Me and three other guys with two hoes all together in one room??? NEVER!!! COOL THOUGH!!! Yep! COOL!!!
“Na wa o! see as konji don hold una guy finish” Shuku said as she proceeded to take off her own clothes. She wasn’t in the least shy and I almost completely forgot for a brief moment that hoes were never shy over sex related issues. Give them whatever amount they ask for and you just might get them to fuck your brains out in an open market place….lolz…just saying mayne!
Soon, Skuku was completely nude, save only her panty which she still had on. Her breasts looked nice and firm but her big bongy belly really irritated me. I didn’t feel an inch aroused by her. I didn’t like the sight of her large calabash where her tummy ought to be and Mr. P didn’t stir. I didn’t want to bang her at all and what made matters worse was that my supposed partner didn’t want her either. He had already made that clear by passing out flat on the big piece of foam just as soon as he had laid his head upon it. His agape mouth and the snores that came from it nearly drowned the sweet “Eeeeesssss” and “Iiiissshhhhhhs” that Angie baby made as T.Money pushed and pumped away aggressively on her in the very much familiar ‘Mummy and Daddy’ style.
You know what? Forget about cohort, T.Money and Angie baby for a minute. Lemme tell you about my sweet luck. You know how General Yong was meant to have a go at Angie baby once T.Money was done??? That never happened! It’s quite funny but somehow, someway, Yong decided he was no longer going to partake in the night’s debauchery. “Mehn, I no fuck again o! I wan sleep. T.Money, you get mouth! Enjoy yourself…CARRY GO!”. And with those words, my one and only General Yong suddenly lapsed into his own deep slumber.
By now, Shuku was getting frustrated that despite being paid for a service, nobody was eager to service her. I sensed she was already wet and horny as fuck as we both watched T.Money pull out his large dick from Angie’s pussy, while grunting in pleasure before taking off the saturated rubber and dropping flat on the mattress.
“Whooooo! Mayne, I gotta crash now. Night y’all!!!” he let out with bated breath. In the next few minutes that followed, there was another dead silence. It was just I, Angie baby and Shuku who were left awake and only two of us were yet to fuck.
Angie suddenly broke the silence. “I need to reach bathroom o! I wan clean up” she confessed with a grin. As soon as she left the room, I stole a quick look at Shuku and concluded that if I didn’t make my move then, I was going to get raped as fuck. I mean, not that I don’t like being raped by a female and all. Just that if I’m gonna get raped at all, that female must be smoking hot and calabash belly free!
I ended up making my move anyway. Oh yeah! I dashed outside the room in pursuit of Angie baby and left Shuku to either fucking stick a packet of candles up her yellow vagina or fucking take a nap like the others. She had the free 3grand to enjoy anyway. Ain’t no way that I was going to fuck her. HELL NAW!!!
I found my sexy Angie baby washing herself in the bathroom; two doors away from the bedroom along the corridor. The door wasn’t fully closed and I could see her rinsing and fingering her fair-skinned pussy expertly. Though she was oblivious of my watching her, the manner in which she took her time in giving me a good show by digging those slim fingers of hers into her pumpum to twist and turn as well as stroke her clit while bathing it with water got Mr. P stiff as FUCK! A quick and fake cough ended the show though and I guess I somewhat startled her.
“Ahn-ahn! What are you doing here? You no see say I dey clean-up???”
“Yeah, sure I can see that. Anyway, how far naaa??? Me, I wan fuck o!” I told her confidently.
Angie baby giggled. “Ha! You wan fuck ke? Sebi your padi talk say make you fuck my friend nau!”
“Wo! Forget that your friend jare! Her head nor dey dia. She no set like you. Na you I wan fuck jare. How far naa???”
“Ehen? Na me you go like to fuck ehn? So na so you kon leave ma friend for room like that ehn? That one no good nau!”
“Abegi, fashi your friend jare! You nor know say na you bin dey enta ma eye since? C’mon baby!” and with that I was already on her case, caressing her face and smooching her fresh, fair jugs while trying to reach for her clit with my right index finger.
“Ahn-ahn! Relax nau! See as you dey rush me. Na so the tin dey do you ni???”
“Yes naa! E dey do me tinini-tanana!”. By now, I already had one boob of hers in my mouth while fingering her pussy, which was fast gathering some moisture.
Angie baby let out a laugh and let me be. She was no longer hesitant but relaxed. She let me have my way with her and by my way, I’m talking about sucking her luscious bobbie and screwing her tight punana with my fingers. She also responded with soft moans and though they were the local kind like “Iiiisshhh” and “Oooouuuusssshhhh”, I wasn’t discouraged. I let my mouth and two fingers fire on……lolz.
When I felt I had stimulated Angie enough, I needed her to help get Mr. P fully alert. There was still so much alcohol in my system for me to achieve full erection. “Oya suck me baby” I said to her, quickly pulling down both my trousers and boxer shorts.
“Ahn-ahn! Suck ke? Why nau! Una nor pay me for dat one o! Just put your prick inside make you fuck me abeg. Sleep don dey catch me.”
“C’mon nau! Please just suck me small abeg. I wan dey hard well.”
“You wan dey hard well? Shey you never hard reach like dis ni?” Angie asked me as she took Mr. P in her right palm and began to stroke me fast and hard. She was neither gentle nor seductive with it so that didn’t actually help ma situation. I knew only a blowjob would give me the kind of erection I needed and I was determined to push for it.
“Angie nau, please. This your handjob won’t work on me o! Na blowjob I need abeg. Just try suck me small nau? Just small nau???” I said with eyes full of plea.
Angie saw the plea in my eyes and got touched. “But una nor pay me to suck prick nau! Na fuck una talk. Na only my boyfriend prick me I dey suck o!” she replied with a complaining tone and a frown.
Sensing I wasn’t likely to win this debate with her, with Mr. P already losing his composure by the minute, I decided to act smart and fast.
“Okay, okay! I go pay you. How much to suck me?” I asked her.
“N2500” she blurted out quickly.
“Ahn-ahn! Haba! For a blowjob? Wetin happen naa??? Make I pay N1500 abeg.” It was time to wear my own frown thinking ‘How I go pay N2500 for a bloody blowjob? No be just to suck prick??? HIAN!!!’
Angie baby was however reluctant to accept my offer. We eventually settled for N2000 and as soon as I had counted four crisp N500 Naira notes and gave them to her, she squeezed and tucked them into her bra before dropping on her knees.
Now here’s the deal. I got way too excited. I was fucking elated that I was finally going to get ma dick sucked, even at an unexpected cost. Still, I was ecstatic at the thought of Angie baby tasting and sucking Mr. P plus the sweet sensation that was to come with it. Funny though how my excitement didn’t last very long…..*smh*
Taking Mr. P in her left palm now, Angie lowered her lips around him. She shot me a glance of hesitation next and all I thought at that moment was “Suck this dick bitch! Afterall, you’ve already taken ma money!”. She brushed her lips against the tip of my dick before taking it in her mouth. She didn’t swallow the whole shaft though and just when the sensation was suddenly beginning to rise in me, Angie took her mouth off Mr. P and spat into the toilet sink. “Puehh!” it sounded followed by “Ohhh! Dis tin is bitter joor! I nor go fit suck dis your prick o!”
LAWD! You can imagine just how furious I was right there and then. How dare Angie baby refuse to suck ma dick after I had paid her? How dare she try to scam me?? How dare she spit and describe Mr. P as bitter??? I suddenly felt hot blood rushing through my veins and I felt like this bitch was going to get slapped silly. The temptation was just too much and too ripe and just as I was about to lift my left hand and let it drop across Angie’s left cheek, de javu hit me and I instantly remembered ‘Owo mi da?’ aka ‘Where is my money?’.
Now you see, I’ma bout to link up the stories like I said I would in part 1 of this very tale, aaight? You see, ‘Owo mi da?’ is actually a nickname used by my hommies (whom I made mention of early in this story) in referring to one local prostitute like that whom I had a very sordid and unfortunate ordeal with early January this year. The tale is truly quite shameful and embarrassing indeed but I’ma share it with you anyway.
Once upon a time, one of my hommies from the social club I belonged to back in my undergraduate days in the university returned from the UK and decided to have a little reunion since he had missed his crew. He was only able to get in touch with three of us (all guys) but that didn’t ruin the fun. This hommie of mine spoilt us silly with all the food and alcohol we could ask for at a popular hotel in Ikeja. The fun was pure crazy and we all danced, ate and drank to stupor…..no kidding.
Later that evening, we got so drunk that two of us started messing around with the hoes peddling their jugs and arses at the hotel. We complimented them, priced them and then dissed them for calling out exorbitant fees. “Na gold dey inside ya toto?” we spat at them before laughing till our tummies ached. You bet they insulted us right back and when we felt we had had enough verbal missiles thrown at us, I made the terrible mistake of shouting “C’mon guys! Let’s head on to PEKAS!!!”
Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with this place called PEKAS but trust me, you’ll find lots of bloody hoes in this place. Tall hoes, short hoes, fat hoes, skinny hoes, fair-skinned hoes, black-as-fuck hoes, hoes on heels, hoes on flats, hoes with proper make-up on, hoes with scary make-up on, hoes…hoes…HOES all over the place!
So……because we were all drunk as fuck, nobody objected. We got into the car and zoomed off. How we got there safe with each person in one piece is only known to God but when we arrived, we resumed making a fool of ourselves. We began to price and negotiate with hoes everywhere, seeking one hoe…..just one hoe who was willing to fuck all four of us….take four solid red-blooded dicks, one after the other for our ridiculous offer of four grand. We really should have upped the amount, but like I said before, we were fucking wasted.
Eventually, we succeeded sha! I swear I can’t remember this hoe’s name but I do remember she had a slim waist, yet VERY FAT YANSH. Mayne, that ass was thick enough to make Nicki go green with envy and call up her surgeon to augment that shit. I tell you, this hoe’s ass was fucking H-U-G-E!!! Oh yeah! She had fat thighs/laps too and even though her hair was rough as fuck, she still was fucking sexy….to us drunken blokes anyway….lolz.
Nicki’s replacement must have been broke as fuck because she agreed to fuck all four of us for our price of four grand. Wow! Now that I think of it, we really cheated that bitch. You see, back in the day, I used to be a hoe specialist and I knew that for ‘short-time’ (ST), a hoe wouldn’t charge anything less than N1,500 while ‘till-day-break’ would cost, in the least, 5geez. This bitch agreed to fuck us all for 4k and that translated into 1k per person. Mayne she lost at least 2 fucking grand but it’s too late to care now……*smh*.
So anyway, the hoe fucked us all indeed. She did so after we booked a room in a guest house close by for the night and I dealt with her first before allowing her service my crew; one after the other. I must have been her best fuck for she actually offered me alone, an extra round on her. Oh yeah! I mounted that pussy twice yo! HAHA!!!
Sorry though that I can’t go into more details about the fuckery with this bitch. It’s just that this post really ain’t about her. It’s more about the next hoe that featured after we settled our biz with this first one and she went her way. You see, the next hoe really shouldn’t have come along in the first place but someone got unnecessarily greedy. Yeah yeah, that was me! *smh*. My UK hommie somewhat caused it though and I’ma explain.
After we had discharged the first bitch and just before we decided to catch some Z’s, this hommie of mine (during our comments about the sex we had just had) began to fascinate us with his escapades with prostitutes in the UK and how he made them do crazy and nasty stuff for him like lick his arsehole, swallow his cum and drink his pee; all for an affordable fee too. His vivid narration, attention-grabbing description and soulful sound interjections really got me horny again and more lustful than ever before and I wondered what it would be like to have a bitch lick my arsehole and drink my pee. The swallow-cum part, I had actually experienced before so that didn’t quite buzz me.
It didn’t take long for the fellas to drift-off into dreamland but somehow, I, for one, couldn’t sleep. I kept imagining and wondering…I kept fantasising and wishing….needing and craving, then alcohol somewhat convinced me to check my wallet and seeing that I had some cash in there, I snuck out of our room and into the streets where we had found them many, plenty hoes earlier. To my surprise though, there were only two of them still waiting to be taken home and just when I wondered why there were just two, it suddenly hit me and I slapped myself. Of course it was already 3 in the morning. Such was expected….*smh*
I subsequently did some mental eenie-meenie-maenie-mo and walked towards the one that the spirit of alcohol in me led me to. I did notice though that the closer I got to this bitch, the uglier she appeared. I really should have made a retreat as soon as I staggered in her front and she smiled with an “Ekaaro boda. Se fe do mi ni? (Morning. Would you like to fuck me?) but I was way too desperate for a blowjob and way too tipsy to use my number 6.
“Kaaro. You dey give blowjob?” I asked her.
“Ehn? Kilo’n jebe?” (what does that mean?) she asked with genuine ignorance pasted all over her untrying face.
Wow! A hoe who didn’t know the meaning of a blowjob??? Gosh! This must be one local-as-fuck hoe, I thought to myself. I then gesticulated dick-sucking to her and she chuckled foolishly.
“Oh! Okay! E fe kin mu oko yin abi? (Oh! Okay! You want me to suck your dick right?) she blurted out next.
“Yes! How much?” I asked with a straight face. I wanted a blowjob….no famzing.
“5 thoson (5 thousand)” came her very silly reply.
I don’t want to go into too much details about our haggling over a simple blowjob but we eventually settled for 2k. And now the question…..how the bloody hell didn’t I suspect that a scam was in the offing??? *SMH*.
I led Local Hoe back to the room where ma hommies were already fast asleep not knowing that I would later wake them up to some crazy drama. Taking Local Hoe into the bathroom for some sweet dick-sucking, so as not to disturb ma crew; the bitch chose to do the exact opposite and foment trouble.
“Owo’n ko? Emi o le se’n kankan lai gbowo o! (Where’s the money? I can’t do anything without being paid o!” she spoke with a stupid frown.
“Oya here!” I said to her, handing out 2grand with my right hand and taking out Mr. P from my pants with the left.
Local Hoe sat on the edge of the bathroom sink, accepted Mr. P in her right palm but shook her head and said “Hmmn….k’emi gbe eleyi senu fun 2 thoson pere? Emi o le mu oko yi o! Odape e ma do mi ni o! (Hmmn….you want me to suck your dick for a meagre two thousand naira? I won’t be able to suck this dick o! It’s like you’re going to have to fuck me instead!)”.
WHAAATTTT!!!! My head rang suddenly and it was like all the alcohol in my system evaporated through my skin pores. I’m quite dark in complexion but I could swear my face was red with boiling blood at that very moment. Who wanted to fuck? Was it not a bloody blowjob I paid for??? Why this rubbish??? EHN???
I stared hard at Local Hoe with mean, wicked eyes and watched her stroke my cock in her palm. Her ugly face was free of any expression whatsoever but she was trying to do her best in reviving an already falling Mr. P.
I FUCKING SWITCHED TO PIDGIN ENGLISH……I tend to do that when I’m really mad.
“Come! Wetin be dis? Whish one be fuck again? Nor be blowzjob I pay for???”
Apparently, Local Hoe understood Pidgin, even though she couldn’t speak it, like I can’t really speak Yoruba.
“Ehn…e ma binu. O kan je kpe emi o le gbe kini yi senu. E mi o le mu oko yin! (Ehn..don’t be upset. It’s just that I can’t put this thing in my mouth. I really can’t suck your prick)” she began to foolishly explain.
“Ehen??? But you fit collect ma money abi? Okay, I nor do again. Gimme ma money back!” I spat at her.
“Ah! Rara o! Owo bawo? E ma do mi ni! (Ah! No o! Money??? You will have to fuck me instead) she rudely objected.
“Ehn! You better give yourself brain and return my money. I nor dey follow you play o!” I was fucking angry at this point.
“Ah! Oti o! E ma do mi ni! (Ah! No o! You will have to fuck me)”
I decided to take it no more and I threatened the bitch. “I go slap you o! Where’s ma money?”
“Fo mi l’eti nau! (Go ahead and slap me nau!)” the stupid local bitch called my bluff.
I lifted my left hand (my good old hand) and raised it to the ceiling. I chose to speak the language she perfectly understood. “Owo mi da, 1? (Where’s ma money, 1?)”
Local Hoe didn’t budge.
“Owo mi da, 2?? (Where’s ma money, 2??)”
The silly bitch still refused to take out my money from inside her dirty bra where she had kept it ealier.
“OWO MI DA, 3??? (WHERE’S MA MONEY, 3???)”
Local hoe just stared hard at me in the face. She didn’t move a muscle.
WHAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I lighted the silly little bitch’s face and saw sparks fly out of her right cheek. She screamed “YEHHH!!!” instantly in response to the slap and woke up my buddies. While the one from UK rushed into the bathroom to shield me from hitting her again, the guest-house manager, front desk officer and a couple of nosy guest-neighbours began banging on our door, which had been locked. “What’s going on in there? Open the door now!” We all heard.
Before you could say ‘Peniscillin’, two silly stories of a failed blowjob attempt were shared to the knowledge of my friends, the guest-house manager and other concerned, i-can’t-mind-my-business individuals. On the advice of my pals, I let Local Hoe go scot free with my money and without having to actually suck my dick and give me value for my cash…….*smh*. Till date, these hommies of mine still tease me by calling me ‘Owo mi da?’….lolz.
OKAY NOW! BACK TO TROUBLESOME ANGELINA!!!
As you recall, Angie baby was trying to dupe me like her local counterpart (whom she never knew of anyway). She was trying to cheat me out of a blowjob and my money by complaining at first lick that Mr. P was bitter. She wanted to scam me but it was already once bitten, twice shy with me and I had to show her who the real scammer was.
I suppressed my anger and spoke calmly to Angie baby. “Okay, okay….you’re right. You know what ehn? Just suck me for 20 seconds and I’ll be fine. I’ll even give you an extra 1k”.
Gosh! You should have seen Angie’s eyes as they instantly brightened at the mention of money….lolz. Her eyeballs expanded and shone like lightning. “Ehen??? Ehn okay, no problem naa! Sebi na just 20 seconds? Ehn, I go manage the bitter taste naa! No worry, I go suck you. Oya!” she replied and grabbed Mr. P eagerly like she had been cock-hungry for a decade. She didn’t know what was coming her way. She didn’t know what Mr. P had in store for her mean and selfish self. IMAGINE HER DESCRIBING MY DEAREST MR. P AS BITTER??? CHOI!!!
Angie baby got on her knees once again and quickly wrapped her mouth around my semi-hard dick. She began sucking lightly on it like she was scared I would deposit some cum in her mouth. She didn’t know nada! She didn’t know jack!
What Angelina really didn’t know was that during the moment that I felt like slapping her and remembered ‘Owo mida’, I felt something else too…… I felt the pressing need to pee but my thought at the time permitted me to suppress it……LOLZ.
Angie baby had not nodded me for more than 7 seconds when the warm feeling of her mouth on Mr. P suddenly relieved me. I FUCKING LET GO and squirted some hot, acidic, alcoholic urine into her mouth.
“EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!...............WEE-WEE !!! She screamed as she snatched her head back and away from my peeing hose. “That served her right.” I thought to myself as I chuckled. “THAT SERVED THE BITCH RIGHT!”
I left Angelina rinsing her mouth at the hand-wash sink and returned to the room to catch my own Z’s. End of story!
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert (TBP)
Heyyy…..I’m back! Miss me???.....lolz. I sure hope you enjoyed reading the #OOMFF story just as much as I enjoyed telling it. It’s now time to finish this one before I act like Jay-Z and go ON TO DA NEXT ONE!...lolz.
So things got pretty tense and uncomfortable once home with the fellaz and our accompanying hoes. General Yong was still smarting from the insults he had received earlier from Shuku. T.Money already was trying to come up with a fucking arrangement of some sort, knowing fully well that things had to be done, not only appropriately, but quietly to forestall trouble in his buddy’s house at 1:30 in the morning. Buddy, our cohort in the pussy struggle must have been either drunk or tired as fuck for he kept dozing off and nodding his head in a funny manner whilst still erect on his feet. As for me; you bet I still had my eyes wide open and fixed on Angelina’s hot, sexy and highly tempting body….HAHA! You know me nau! A bloody perv yo! *wink*
T.Money finally killed the dead silence that was fast consuming us as we made our way into the apartment. “Look guys, this is how we gonna do it. Since it appears my hommie, Yong ain’t digging Angie’s friend, he and I are gonna lay Angie. You (talking to me now) and this hommie can have Angie’s pal for the night. Y’all feel me???”. He didn’t even mind that these bitches were right there with us. He came out fucking blunt and I wondered for a minute if Angie or her friend ever imagined themselves as cows waiting to be slaughtered at a sex abattoir during that moment.
“Yes Boss!” we all kinda chorused but mine never came from my heart. I wanted Angie so bad. She was my fucking choice. If not that Yong possessed much dislike (or should I say hatred) for Shuku, I’m sure I could have talked him into convincing T.Money to at least admit me into their camp. Angie baby was just right for my fast rising lust. She was the one my heart told me to sink my prick into. she was the one I wanted to fuck all night. She was THE ONE WITH THE PUSSY FOR ME!!!….*smh*
Luck came my way however….and it came in the form of a sweet sound slumber. Once inside our cohort’s room, T.Money counted three thousand naira each and handed it out to the gurls. Next thing you know, he was out of his shirt and jeans in no time at all and pulling Angie towards one of the two mattresses in the medium-sized room. He amused me and I quickly assumed he could no longer hold his konji….lolz. The others and I got onto the other bed and watched them. I had never been in this situation before….EVER! Me and three other guys with two hoes all together in one room??? NEVER!!! COOL THOUGH!!! Yep! COOL!!!
“Na wa o! see as konji don hold una guy finish” Shuku said as she proceeded to take off her own clothes. She wasn’t in the least shy and I almost completely forgot for a brief moment that hoes were never shy over sex related issues. Give them whatever amount they ask for and you just might get them to fuck your brains out in an open market place….lolz…just saying mayne!
Soon, Skuku was completely nude, save only her panty which she still had on. Her breasts looked nice and firm but her big bongy belly really irritated me. I didn’t feel an inch aroused by her. I didn’t like the sight of her large calabash where her tummy ought to be and Mr. P didn’t stir. I didn’t want to bang her at all and what made matters worse was that my supposed partner didn’t want her either. He had already made that clear by passing out flat on the big piece of foam just as soon as he had laid his head upon it. His agape mouth and the snores that came from it nearly drowned the sweet “Eeeeesssss” and “Iiiissshhhhhhs” that Angie baby made as T.Money pushed and pumped away aggressively on her in the very much familiar ‘Mummy and Daddy’ style.
You know what? Forget about cohort, T.Money and Angie baby for a minute. Lemme tell you about my sweet luck. You know how General Yong was meant to have a go at Angie baby once T.Money was done??? That never happened! It’s quite funny but somehow, someway, Yong decided he was no longer going to partake in the night’s debauchery. “Mehn, I no fuck again o! I wan sleep. T.Money, you get mouth! Enjoy yourself…CARRY GO!”. And with those words, my one and only General Yong suddenly lapsed into his own deep slumber.
By now, Shuku was getting frustrated that despite being paid for a service, nobody was eager to service her. I sensed she was already wet and horny as fuck as we both watched T.Money pull out his large dick from Angie’s pussy, while grunting in pleasure before taking off the saturated rubber and dropping flat on the mattress.
“Whooooo! Mayne, I gotta crash now. Night y’all!!!” he let out with bated breath. In the next few minutes that followed, there was another dead silence. It was just I, Angie baby and Shuku who were left awake and only two of us were yet to fuck.
Angie suddenly broke the silence. “I need to reach bathroom o! I wan clean up” she confessed with a grin. As soon as she left the room, I stole a quick look at Shuku and concluded that if I didn’t make my move then, I was going to get raped as fuck. I mean, not that I don’t like being raped by a female and all. Just that if I’m gonna get raped at all, that female must be smoking hot and calabash belly free!
I ended up making my move anyway. Oh yeah! I dashed outside the room in pursuit of Angie baby and left Shuku to either fucking stick a packet of candles up her yellow vagina or fucking take a nap like the others. She had the free 3grand to enjoy anyway. Ain’t no way that I was going to fuck her. HELL NAW!!!
I found my sexy Angie baby washing herself in the bathroom; two doors away from the bedroom along the corridor. The door wasn’t fully closed and I could see her rinsing and fingering her fair-skinned pussy expertly. Though she was oblivious of my watching her, the manner in which she took her time in giving me a good show by digging those slim fingers of hers into her pumpum to twist and turn as well as stroke her clit while bathing it with water got Mr. P stiff as FUCK! A quick and fake cough ended the show though and I guess I somewhat startled her.
“Ahn-ahn! What are you doing here? You no see say I dey clean-up???”
“Yeah, sure I can see that. Anyway, how far naaa??? Me, I wan fuck o!” I told her confidently.
Angie baby giggled. “Ha! You wan fuck ke? Sebi your padi talk say make you fuck my friend nau!”
“Wo! Forget that your friend jare! Her head nor dey dia. She no set like you. Na you I wan fuck jare. How far naa???”
“Ehen? Na me you go like to fuck ehn? So na so you kon leave ma friend for room like that ehn? That one no good nau!”
“Abegi, fashi your friend jare! You nor know say na you bin dey enta ma eye since? C’mon baby!” and with that I was already on her case, caressing her face and smooching her fresh, fair jugs while trying to reach for her clit with my right index finger.
“Ahn-ahn! Relax nau! See as you dey rush me. Na so the tin dey do you ni???”
“Yes naa! E dey do me tinini-tanana!”. By now, I already had one boob of hers in my mouth while fingering her pussy, which was fast gathering some moisture.
Angie baby let out a laugh and let me be. She was no longer hesitant but relaxed. She let me have my way with her and by my way, I’m talking about sucking her luscious bobbie and screwing her tight punana with my fingers. She also responded with soft moans and though they were the local kind like “Iiiisshhh” and “Oooouuuusssshhhh”, I wasn’t discouraged. I let my mouth and two fingers fire on……lolz.
When I felt I had stimulated Angie enough, I needed her to help get Mr. P fully alert. There was still so much alcohol in my system for me to achieve full erection. “Oya suck me baby” I said to her, quickly pulling down both my trousers and boxer shorts.
“Ahn-ahn! Suck ke? Why nau! Una nor pay me for dat one o! Just put your prick inside make you fuck me abeg. Sleep don dey catch me.”
“C’mon nau! Please just suck me small abeg. I wan dey hard well.”
“You wan dey hard well? Shey you never hard reach like dis ni?” Angie asked me as she took Mr. P in her right palm and began to stroke me fast and hard. She was neither gentle nor seductive with it so that didn’t actually help ma situation. I knew only a blowjob would give me the kind of erection I needed and I was determined to push for it.
“Angie nau, please. This your handjob won’t work on me o! Na blowjob I need abeg. Just try suck me small nau? Just small nau???” I said with eyes full of plea.
Angie saw the plea in my eyes and got touched. “But una nor pay me to suck prick nau! Na fuck una talk. Na only my boyfriend prick me I dey suck o!” she replied with a complaining tone and a frown.
Sensing I wasn’t likely to win this debate with her, with Mr. P already losing his composure by the minute, I decided to act smart and fast.
“Okay, okay! I go pay you. How much to suck me?” I asked her.
“N2500” she blurted out quickly.
“Ahn-ahn! Haba! For a blowjob? Wetin happen naa??? Make I pay N1500 abeg.” It was time to wear my own frown thinking ‘How I go pay N2500 for a bloody blowjob? No be just to suck prick??? HIAN!!!’
Angie baby was however reluctant to accept my offer. We eventually settled for N2000 and as soon as I had counted four crisp N500 Naira notes and gave them to her, she squeezed and tucked them into her bra before dropping on her knees.
Now here’s the deal. I got way too excited. I was fucking elated that I was finally going to get ma dick sucked, even at an unexpected cost. Still, I was ecstatic at the thought of Angie baby tasting and sucking Mr. P plus the sweet sensation that was to come with it. Funny though how my excitement didn’t last very long…..*smh*
Taking Mr. P in her left palm now, Angie lowered her lips around him. She shot me a glance of hesitation next and all I thought at that moment was “Suck this dick bitch! Afterall, you’ve already taken ma money!”. She brushed her lips against the tip of my dick before taking it in her mouth. She didn’t swallow the whole shaft though and just when the sensation was suddenly beginning to rise in me, Angie took her mouth off Mr. P and spat into the toilet sink. “Puehh!” it sounded followed by “Ohhh! Dis tin is bitter joor! I nor go fit suck dis your prick o!”
LAWD! You can imagine just how furious I was right there and then. How dare Angie baby refuse to suck ma dick after I had paid her? How dare she try to scam me?? How dare she spit and describe Mr. P as bitter??? I suddenly felt hot blood rushing through my veins and I felt like this bitch was going to get slapped silly. The temptation was just too much and too ripe and just as I was about to lift my left hand and let it drop across Angie’s left cheek, de javu hit me and I instantly remembered ‘Owo mi da?’ aka ‘Where is my money?’.
Now you see, I’ma bout to link up the stories like I said I would in part 1 of this very tale, aaight? You see, ‘Owo mi da?’ is actually a nickname used by my hommies (whom I made mention of early in this story) in referring to one local prostitute like that whom I had a very sordid and unfortunate ordeal with early January this year. The tale is truly quite shameful and embarrassing indeed but I’ma share it with you anyway.
Once upon a time, one of my hommies from the social club I belonged to back in my undergraduate days in the university returned from the UK and decided to have a little reunion since he had missed his crew. He was only able to get in touch with three of us (all guys) but that didn’t ruin the fun. This hommie of mine spoilt us silly with all the food and alcohol we could ask for at a popular hotel in Ikeja. The fun was pure crazy and we all danced, ate and drank to stupor…..no kidding.
Later that evening, we got so drunk that two of us started messing around with the hoes peddling their jugs and arses at the hotel. We complimented them, priced them and then dissed them for calling out exorbitant fees. “Na gold dey inside ya toto?” we spat at them before laughing till our tummies ached. You bet they insulted us right back and when we felt we had had enough verbal missiles thrown at us, I made the terrible mistake of shouting “C’mon guys! Let’s head on to PEKAS!!!”
Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar with this place called PEKAS but trust me, you’ll find lots of bloody hoes in this place. Tall hoes, short hoes, fat hoes, skinny hoes, fair-skinned hoes, black-as-fuck hoes, hoes on heels, hoes on flats, hoes with proper make-up on, hoes with scary make-up on, hoes…hoes…HOES all over the place!
So……because we were all drunk as fuck, nobody objected. We got into the car and zoomed off. How we got there safe with each person in one piece is only known to God but when we arrived, we resumed making a fool of ourselves. We began to price and negotiate with hoes everywhere, seeking one hoe…..just one hoe who was willing to fuck all four of us….take four solid red-blooded dicks, one after the other for our ridiculous offer of four grand. We really should have upped the amount, but like I said before, we were fucking wasted.
Eventually, we succeeded sha! I swear I can’t remember this hoe’s name but I do remember she had a slim waist, yet VERY FAT YANSH. Mayne, that ass was thick enough to make Nicki go green with envy and call up her surgeon to augment that shit. I tell you, this hoe’s ass was fucking H-U-G-E!!! Oh yeah! She had fat thighs/laps too and even though her hair was rough as fuck, she still was fucking sexy….to us drunken blokes anyway….lolz.
Nicki’s replacement must have been broke as fuck because she agreed to fuck all four of us for our price of four grand. Wow! Now that I think of it, we really cheated that bitch. You see, back in the day, I used to be a hoe specialist and I knew that for ‘short-time’ (ST), a hoe wouldn’t charge anything less than N1,500 while ‘till-day-break’ would cost, in the least, 5geez. This bitch agreed to fuck us all for 4k and that translated into 1k per person. Mayne she lost at least 2 fucking grand but it’s too late to care now……*smh*.
So anyway, the hoe fucked us all indeed. She did so after we booked a room in a guest house close by for the night and I dealt with her first before allowing her service my crew; one after the other. I must have been her best fuck for she actually offered me alone, an extra round on her. Oh yeah! I mounted that pussy twice yo! HAHA!!!
Sorry though that I can’t go into more details about the fuckery with this bitch. It’s just that this post really ain’t about her. It’s more about the next hoe that featured after we settled our biz with this first one and she went her way. You see, the next hoe really shouldn’t have come along in the first place but someone got unnecessarily greedy. Yeah yeah, that was me! *smh*. My UK hommie somewhat caused it though and I’ma explain.
After we had discharged the first bitch and just before we decided to catch some Z’s, this hommie of mine (during our comments about the sex we had just had) began to fascinate us with his escapades with prostitutes in the UK and how he made them do crazy and nasty stuff for him like lick his arsehole, swallow his cum and drink his pee; all for an affordable fee too. His vivid narration, attention-grabbing description and soulful sound interjections really got me horny again and more lustful than ever before and I wondered what it would be like to have a bitch lick my arsehole and drink my pee. The swallow-cum part, I had actually experienced before so that didn’t quite buzz me.
It didn’t take long for the fellas to drift-off into dreamland but somehow, I, for one, couldn’t sleep. I kept imagining and wondering…I kept fantasising and wishing….needing and craving, then alcohol somewhat convinced me to check my wallet and seeing that I had some cash in there, I snuck out of our room and into the streets where we had found them many, plenty hoes earlier. To my surprise though, there were only two of them still waiting to be taken home and just when I wondered why there were just two, it suddenly hit me and I slapped myself. Of course it was already 3 in the morning. Such was expected….*smh*
I subsequently did some mental eenie-meenie-maenie-mo and walked towards the one that the spirit of alcohol in me led me to. I did notice though that the closer I got to this bitch, the uglier she appeared. I really should have made a retreat as soon as I staggered in her front and she smiled with an “Ekaaro boda. Se fe do mi ni? (Morning. Would you like to fuck me?) but I was way too desperate for a blowjob and way too tipsy to use my number 6.
“Kaaro. You dey give blowjob?” I asked her.
“Ehn? Kilo’n jebe?” (what does that mean?) she asked with genuine ignorance pasted all over her untrying face.
Wow! A hoe who didn’t know the meaning of a blowjob??? Gosh! This must be one local-as-fuck hoe, I thought to myself. I then gesticulated dick-sucking to her and she chuckled foolishly.
“Oh! Okay! E fe kin mu oko yin abi? (Oh! Okay! You want me to suck your dick right?) she blurted out next.
“Yes! How much?” I asked with a straight face. I wanted a blowjob….no famzing.
“5 thoson (5 thousand)” came her very silly reply.
I don’t want to go into too much details about our haggling over a simple blowjob but we eventually settled for 2k. And now the question…..how the bloody hell didn’t I suspect that a scam was in the offing??? *SMH*.
I led Local Hoe back to the room where ma hommies were already fast asleep not knowing that I would later wake them up to some crazy drama. Taking Local Hoe into the bathroom for some sweet dick-sucking, so as not to disturb ma crew; the bitch chose to do the exact opposite and foment trouble.
“Owo’n ko? Emi o le se’n kankan lai gbowo o! (Where’s the money? I can’t do anything without being paid o!” she spoke with a stupid frown.
“Oya here!” I said to her, handing out 2grand with my right hand and taking out Mr. P from my pants with the left.
Local Hoe sat on the edge of the bathroom sink, accepted Mr. P in her right palm but shook her head and said “Hmmn….k’emi gbe eleyi senu fun 2 thoson pere? Emi o le mu oko yi o! Odape e ma do mi ni o! (Hmmn….you want me to suck your dick for a meagre two thousand naira? I won’t be able to suck this dick o! It’s like you’re going to have to fuck me instead!)”.
WHAAATTTT!!!! My head rang suddenly and it was like all the alcohol in my system evaporated through my skin pores. I’m quite dark in complexion but I could swear my face was red with boiling blood at that very moment. Who wanted to fuck? Was it not a bloody blowjob I paid for??? Why this rubbish??? EHN???
I stared hard at Local Hoe with mean, wicked eyes and watched her stroke my cock in her palm. Her ugly face was free of any expression whatsoever but she was trying to do her best in reviving an already falling Mr. P.
I FUCKING SWITCHED TO PIDGIN ENGLISH……I tend to do that when I’m really mad.
“Come! Wetin be dis? Whish one be fuck again? Nor be blowzjob I pay for???”
Apparently, Local Hoe understood Pidgin, even though she couldn’t speak it, like I can’t really speak Yoruba.
“Ehn…e ma binu. O kan je kpe emi o le gbe kini yi senu. E mi o le mu oko yin! (Ehn..don’t be upset. It’s just that I can’t put this thing in my mouth. I really can’t suck your prick)” she began to foolishly explain.
“Ehen??? But you fit collect ma money abi? Okay, I nor do again. Gimme ma money back!” I spat at her.
“Ah! Rara o! Owo bawo? E ma do mi ni! (Ah! No o! Money??? You will have to fuck me instead) she rudely objected.
“Ehn! You better give yourself brain and return my money. I nor dey follow you play o!” I was fucking angry at this point.
“Ah! Oti o! E ma do mi ni! (Ah! No o! You will have to fuck me)”
I decided to take it no more and I threatened the bitch. “I go slap you o! Where’s ma money?”
“Fo mi l’eti nau! (Go ahead and slap me nau!)” the stupid local bitch called my bluff.
I lifted my left hand (my good old hand) and raised it to the ceiling. I chose to speak the language she perfectly understood. “Owo mi da, 1? (Where’s ma money, 1?)”
Local Hoe didn’t budge.
“Owo mi da, 2?? (Where’s ma money, 2??)”
The silly bitch still refused to take out my money from inside her dirty bra where she had kept it ealier.
“OWO MI DA, 3??? (WHERE’S MA MONEY, 3???)”
Local hoe just stared hard at me in the face. She didn’t move a muscle.
WHAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I lighted the silly little bitch’s face and saw sparks fly out of her right cheek. She screamed “YEHHH!!!” instantly in response to the slap and woke up my buddies. While the one from UK rushed into the bathroom to shield me from hitting her again, the guest-house manager, front desk officer and a couple of nosy guest-neighbours began banging on our door, which had been locked. “What’s going on in there? Open the door now!” We all heard.
Before you could say ‘Peniscillin’, two silly stories of a failed blowjob attempt were shared to the knowledge of my friends, the guest-house manager and other concerned, i-can’t-mind-my-business individuals. On the advice of my pals, I let Local Hoe go scot free with my money and without having to actually suck my dick and give me value for my cash…….*smh*. Till date, these hommies of mine still tease me by calling me ‘Owo mi da?’….lolz.
OKAY NOW! BACK TO TROUBLESOME ANGELINA!!!
As you recall, Angie baby was trying to dupe me like her local counterpart (whom she never knew of anyway). She was trying to cheat me out of a blowjob and my money by complaining at first lick that Mr. P was bitter. She wanted to scam me but it was already once bitten, twice shy with me and I had to show her who the real scammer was.
I suppressed my anger and spoke calmly to Angie baby. “Okay, okay….you’re right. You know what ehn? Just suck me for 20 seconds and I’ll be fine. I’ll even give you an extra 1k”.
Gosh! You should have seen Angie’s eyes as they instantly brightened at the mention of money….lolz. Her eyeballs expanded and shone like lightning. “Ehen??? Ehn okay, no problem naa! Sebi na just 20 seconds? Ehn, I go manage the bitter taste naa! No worry, I go suck you. Oya!” she replied and grabbed Mr. P eagerly like she had been cock-hungry for a decade. She didn’t know what was coming her way. She didn’t know what Mr. P had in store for her mean and selfish self. IMAGINE HER DESCRIBING MY DEAREST MR. P AS BITTER??? CHOI!!!
Angie baby got on her knees once again and quickly wrapped her mouth around my semi-hard dick. She began sucking lightly on it like she was scared I would deposit some cum in her mouth. She didn’t know nada! She didn’t know jack!
What Angelina really didn’t know was that during the moment that I felt like slapping her and remembered ‘Owo mida’, I felt something else too…… I felt the pressing need to pee but my thought at the time permitted me to suppress it……LOLZ.
Angie baby had not nodded me for more than 7 seconds when the warm feeling of her mouth on Mr. P suddenly relieved me. I FUCKING LET GO and squirted some hot, acidic, alcoholic urine into her mouth.
“EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!...............WEE-WEE !!! She screamed as she snatched her head back and away from my peeing hose. “That served her right.” I thought to myself as I chuckled. “THAT SERVED THE BITCH RIGHT!”
I left Angelina rinsing her mouth at the hand-wash sink and returned to the room to catch my own Z’s. End of story!
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert (TBP)
Sunday, December 9, 2012
#OOMFF Brushes Her Teeth With CUM??? (Part 2)
I entertained Chick with 2 bottles of Smirnoff Ice, some fried plantain with eggs and a giant piece of turkey. I had a big bottle of Legend Extra Stout myself and I got cosy on the bed with her as we ate, drank and watched latest music videos on SoundCity’s ‘Fresh’.
After what seemed like a short while, Chick took her eyes off the TV screen and reached for her bag, taking out what was familiar. “So, tell me…how come you don’t know how to mow?” she queried as she carefully and neatly arranged some grass onto a piece of rizla and used some saliva off her tongue to seal it round.
“Well em…I’ve never actually tried doing that before see? I’m more of a puff n’ pass kind of smoker really. I tend to kush-up only when it is offered. I’ve never actually, rolled up for a joint for myself. The best I’ve physically done to weed is to either chew it raw, boil it in tea or cook with stuff like noodles or beans.”
“Hmmn…really? Interesting. So you can actually chew it raw? Cool! At least you’re still hardcore. You probably belong to #TeamKush 2nd Division” and she burst out in a wicked laughter of mockery as she took a long deep drag on her already lighted stick of marijuana and passed it to me. I didn’t mind the jibe though. I was still fantasising about all the sweet, sexy, crazy things I would be doing to her big, fat, thick and luscious yansh soon. I accepted her offer of the sparkling kush and puffed hard on it as well. When I exhaled, a cloud of smoke seeped through my mouth and I noticed that hers escaped from her nostrils. Chick stared deeply into my eyes for the first time and smiled. I smiled back but I felt a bit jittery for a brief moment. I picked up my bottle of Legend and took a heavy gulp. Afterwards I felt more comfortable with Chick.
It became all puff n’ pass with ma sexy-as-fuck female companion till about 8pm. I’m sure you can imagine just how high we were after sharing 5 sticks and cancelling our liquor. We were so high that we started talking gibberish and laughing uncontrollably over unfunny things that we saw on TV. It was just when Chick made to lie on her belly in her attempt to get more comfy on the bed that things got really………as my hommie @GMAKGOLDENBOY would put it………….SEZUAL!!!
*staring hard at the huge mountain of arse before me* “Mayne! You no go kill person o you dis geh! Dis your yansh nor get part 2!”. I chuckled hard at my own awkward compliment.
Chick chuckled as well, looked back at me and winked. I then realised I needed not an extra invitation. I suddenly picked my intoxicated-self up and positioned myself above her massive bumbum. First placing a soft peck on each bum-cheek through her denim, I pushed her top up a little to gain access to her waist and upper bum flesh (thanks to her sagging jeans anyway). I then placed some wet kisses on her waist before doing the same to her upper buttocks and Chick responded with “Mmmphhh”
“Just take it off already, will you?” she said to me and turned back to watch Kel’s ‘Give it to you’ featuring W4, while smoking a fresh stick of ganja. I did as instructed and with a little cooperation from her, I successfully had Chick naked in the South. Mayne, you should have seen that big black arse staring hard at me in the face like “Yeah! What you gon’ do now huh?? What you gon’ do with this nigga???”
I seemed confused and lost for a second. I didn’t know where to start from….I didn’t know how to begin. I wasn’t sure of how to challenge and tackle this great and sexy piece of sweet flesh before me but I was certain of one thing though……I JUST HAD TO DO SOMETHING!
Putting my lips back to work, I kissed Chick’s bum-cheeks and waist some more to really put her in the mood and she gave me the go-ahead to take her red G-string off. Now attacking Chick’s bumbum with my lips, she encouraged me by spreading her legs and I instantly sighted a trickle of wetness down her thighs. I grinned in satisfaction…my kisses were paying-off.
With her legs now wide apart, I made to increase Chick’s pleasure. I took my tongue on a licking trip to Chick’s bulging clitoris and flicked that wet muscular tissue on it. Chick squirmed and twitched in pleasure instantly. “Oooooh!” she moaned softly. I flicked and licked some more and I guess Chick couldn’t take it anymore because she tried to turn and lie on her back, but I was having none of that….not just yet!. I wasn’t through with her arse!
Chick didn’t see it coming and neither did I. I guess it was the effect to the combo of weed and stout but I did it anyway. After tonguing Chick’s pussy for a while, I took my mouth back to her monstrous yansh; chewed hard on both butt-cheeks like they were pieces of kpomo and then did the unimaginable……….I STUCK MY TONGUE INTO CHICK’S ARSE-HOLE.
Yeah yeah YEAH! Before you start hating on me, remember that I was already high as fuck. And besides, I tend to do crazy sexual stuff when I’m seriously intoxicated. At least Chick did not fart and her bumbum was not dirty. Besides, my tongue was too numb to taste anything bad/offensive if otherwise….lolz. All I remember is that I did oil her starfish with saliva and lick it. I did that for a minute or two before I went further crazy by sticking my tongue into her butt-hole. Chick liked it sha. I had her going “Ooooh!....Awwhhh….Tssssss……Sssshhhhh….Yessssssss!!!!”.
It got to a point when Chick found the pleasure way too unbearable and forced a turn to turn her titties up with that sexy yansh of hers down. I wasn’t really happy with that decision because I felt like I could kiss, lick and chew on her big and sexy yansh all evening, however, she made a good point………….there were other things requiring my special attention…..lolz.
I proceeded Northwards to suck Chick’s titties and nibble on her nipples. Her medium-sized bobbie were okay in taste but what I really wanted was her yansh. You know like Iyanya nau??? Instead of….
“Your waist….your waist….All I want is your waist”
Mine was………..
“Your yansh…..your yansh…..All I want is your YANSH!”…………lolz
Anyway, I sha sucked Chick’s bobbie o! I later visited her belly-button with my tongue and made her twitch and squeal in ecstasy. But by the time I greeted Chick’s clitoris with my tongue again, I was in deep shit….as in madt, serious trouble.
Na so Chick kon palm my head for dat spot say she nor go free am o! She palmed my head firmly to her pussy as I attacked her clit viciously with my tongue and its ammo – wet and sticky saliva. Chick went GAGA and refused to let me lift my head to breathe….not even for a split second. Choi!!!
After some minutes of hardcore pussy-licking, Chick squirted some cum into my mouth. Damn! That shit was fucking salty. Not so bad though so I swallowed. Next thing you know, Chick heaves a deep breath, rushes at me and yanks off my trousers to reveal my already throbbing cock before positioning her mouth over it.
First giving me a sultry glance, added with a smile, Chick shot out her own tongue and tasted Mr. P’s helmet. She brushed my shaft with her soft tongue and dripped warm saliva over the tip of it before swallowing the whole cap. I shuddered and quivered and I knew Mr. P was definitely in for a good time.
Chick proved herself an expert as she skilfully sucked hard on Mr. P…taking his whole being in her mouth and being gracious enough to avoid using teeth on his nice and smooth body. Though she sucked him with one hand, the blowjob was indeed AMAZING!
Jerking and bobbing her head up and down Mr. P, I felt the pressure build up in me. I felt the cum forming and rising and Chick’s dexterity and alacrity in the use of saliva wasn’t helping my situation in any way.
I quickly snatched Mr. P away from her mouth just when I realised I was about to fuck up. Chick grinned at me. “You were gonna come shey?”
“Yeah babe. That was fucking close”. I said, wiping off some sweat from my forehead and quickly taking-off my T-shirt.
Chick proceeded to surprise me by laying on top of me and ‘infraredding’ my lips with hers. The connection and sensitivity of it was simply both delightful and lovely and I never expected her to actually kiss me knowing fully well where my lips and tongue had been. She obviously didn’t mind though; for she thoroughly French-kissed me, kissing me full and wet on my lips and seizing my tongue with hers.
“Where is your rubber baby?” she asked after 2minutes or so of ‘French-mouthing’.
“It’s there!” I pointed to the second pillow and Chick quickly pushed it aside to reveal a strawberry-flavoured condom that I had kept there. She picked it up and tore it open before covering Mr. P with it. When she was convinced that I was fully ‘protected’, Chick resumed being on top and with one hand, slowly guided Mr. P inside her. I shuddered at the warm feeling I was greeted with and was glad to discover that even though Chick was #TeamPerv, (which created the possibility of her sampling many dicks), she was quite tight.
Chick rode me like an okada o! She just kept bouncing away and talking gibberish. Her “Oomphhh….Yesss baby…..I love how your dick feels in me…..Awww daddy!...Oh yess…oh YESSSSSS!!!” convinced me that she was thoroughly enjoying it and that gave me some satisfaction. Now don’t get me wrong o! I was enjoying her bouncing and grinding on me too but I wasn’t quite satisfied just yet.
Just when I observed Chick squeal out in pleasure, vibrate and hang her head low, it instantly hit me that she had come and I made my move before she began to relax and complain of fatigue.
“Turn around baby! I need that ass to talk durrty to me now” I said while trying to manoeuvre her from the waist. She complied, albeit reluctantly and I seized the moment and wasted no time. Now positioning myself behind Chick with her on both hands and knees, I pushed Mr. P into her tight, wet and slippery cunt and started jerking forward. This was the doggy position and I absolutely loved it for it increased my pleasure and permitted me to watch Chick’s big yansh bounce and vibrate with every thrust I threw…..*perv smile*
I had a jolly good go at Chick’s arse and pounded away silly. Chick was obviously tired from my hardcore pounding as she dragged a pillow and made to rest her head on it. I didn’t blame her though. I’ve been told many times that whenever I assume the doggy position, Mr. P shoots himself far up into the tummy. Chick was probably coping with the pleasure in her cunt and the pain in her belly then. As for me, it was sweet pleasure all the way.
Chick started to holler and scream out things. First it was “Oh Debola! Give it to me! Fuck me! Fuck me harder!” Later, it changed to “Ahhh! Yeeeehhhhh……Arrrgghhh…..You will kill me today o! You WILL KILL ME!!!” She also began to lower herself gently unto the bed and was trying to ruin my doggy style in the process but I would have none of that. I quickly reached for some of the braids on her head, wound them up and tugged….not hard though… just well enough that Chick’s head pulled backwards and she arched up her big yansh again for me to see, enjoy and probably destroy……lolz
Some more hardcore jerking on my part sent Chick into a frenzy. I think she actually got tired of screaming because she took one wicked glance at me and then proceeded to cover her mouth with her right palm. All I heard now was “Mmmmmph….MMMMM…….nnnnnmmmmphhhH!”. I didn’t mind though. I was relishing every feel of her pussy and started to feel the pressure build inside of me.
Four more minutes passed and I could hold myself no longer. I dropped Chick’s hair and let myself go. A second or two before I did though, I caught Chick throw her head back in an unusual manner. It was after I had ejaculated my sweet juice with a deep grunt and took out the rubber that I discovered thick whitish fluid all over it. I mean…, this condom had actually lost its pink colour due to the stuff that came from Chick’s pussy. I just had to confirm and Chick helped me before I even asked.
“Pheew! We came together you know?” she informed me.
“Hmmm….I thought as much baby. I got a little scared when your head jerked back viciously. I feared it was going to snap off your neck.”
Chick giggled and pulled me closer. “Don’t worry dear, ma head is still intact. I don’t know how I ended up coming that way but you sure showed me. You’re a hot stud boy!....You truly rep #TeamPerv!” Chick brushed her lips against mine and shot her tongue into my mouth after that compliment. My head swelled like DAMN!!!
When we got tired of kissing, we cuddled and slept off. You bet that night’s rest was awesome. Trust me, I snored as loudly as my father….lolz.
Anyway, I opened my eyes the next morning to find Chick poring into my face and boring deeply into my eyes with a harmless stare. “Morning baby! Did you sleep well?” she asked as I blinked and covered my mouth for a deep yawn.
“Yeah baby! I sure did. You?”
Chick rubbed my naked chest and pecked me on my forehead. “I slept like a baby, thanks to you dear.” She smiled and I reciprocated. Her morning face didn’t look bad. She was aaaight!.
“So what would you like for breakfast before I take my humble leave?” came the next question; only that this time around, Chick’s hand had left my chest and found its way to my ‘morning wood’ (I mean, which normal guy doesn’t have that?...lolz).
“Wow!….You’d really cook for me before leaving???” I was somewhat astonished.
“Of course hun! I gotta say thank you to Mr. P; that’s what you call him right?; for giving moi a great time last night. You know he gotta feed and replace the lost red blood cells right?”
I was still racking my brain for a witty response when Chick suddenly chipped in “But first, I think he needs me now. Oh just look at him in his stand-still position! I gotta take care of him.” With that, Chick bent over to part the fly in my boxer shorts open and ease out Mr. P. Lowering her head slowly, Chick covered Mr. P’s head with her lips and gently sucked him.
Mayne!.....That was some great morning head I tell ya! Having Mr. P in a female’s mouth so early in the morning was simply fantastic. Chick licked and sucked on Mr. P so good. She nibbled, teased and sucked away like she was trying hard to extract gold from him and she did hit the jackpot indeed. Eventually, Mr. P had no choice but to go from stiff to limp but he didn’t do that without depositing some cum in his host’s mouth.
Chick took every drop of my cum in her mouth. She gave me a funny look and then entertained me by gargling my thick and sweet stuff while creating awkward noises with it. She was having her fun and I was surprised she didn’t mind that it was my ejaculation she was actually playing with inside her own mouth. She sure was a sight to behold doing what she did.
Just when I thought I had seen a solid show, Chick stunned me out of my wits. “Wanna see me do something cool???” she asked still with a mouth full of sperm. I nodded in response and Chick suddenly dashed into the bathroom close-by. Within seconds, she was out and she returned with a toothbrush in hand. Swallowing some of the cum in her mouth, Chick dripped what was left of my cum onto the brush. It wasn’t much but it was enough to fully cover the bristles and stain the floor. I was such in awe of Chick by now because she was just about to do something that I only usually got to see whenever I watched fetish porn.
Just one smile afterwards and Chick blew me away. She lifted the toothbrush to her mouth and began brushing away. Can you fucking believe that??? Chick substituted my cum for toothpaste and brushed her teeth with it. That was plain fucking sexy and watching her do it kinda made me feel like proposing marriage to her on the spot. I was highly tempted but I didn’t actually do it sha. Truly though, it’s not every day you find a girl who delights herself by brushing her teeth with your cum you know? Chick was a rare gem…..she was exceptional!
“Oh my God gurl!.....You are FUCKING AWESOME!” I said to her when I finally found words to spare.
“Thanks dearie” she said whilst still having a brush in her mouth. “You’re gonna blog about this aren’t you???”
“OF COURSE YES!” I mean, who wouldn’t?
Chick giggled, gave me a thumb up and disappeared into the bathroom again. “I’ll make scrambled eggs when through” she hollered from inside. “I think I saw a loaf of bread on the fridge.”
“Yeah! Sure.” I shouted back. Getting up from the bed, I proceeded to the second bathroom with my fully charged mini laptop in left hand……*perv grin*.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
After what seemed like a short while, Chick took her eyes off the TV screen and reached for her bag, taking out what was familiar. “So, tell me…how come you don’t know how to mow?” she queried as she carefully and neatly arranged some grass onto a piece of rizla and used some saliva off her tongue to seal it round.
“Well em…I’ve never actually tried doing that before see? I’m more of a puff n’ pass kind of smoker really. I tend to kush-up only when it is offered. I’ve never actually, rolled up for a joint for myself. The best I’ve physically done to weed is to either chew it raw, boil it in tea or cook with stuff like noodles or beans.”
“Hmmn…really? Interesting. So you can actually chew it raw? Cool! At least you’re still hardcore. You probably belong to #TeamKush 2nd Division” and she burst out in a wicked laughter of mockery as she took a long deep drag on her already lighted stick of marijuana and passed it to me. I didn’t mind the jibe though. I was still fantasising about all the sweet, sexy, crazy things I would be doing to her big, fat, thick and luscious yansh soon. I accepted her offer of the sparkling kush and puffed hard on it as well. When I exhaled, a cloud of smoke seeped through my mouth and I noticed that hers escaped from her nostrils. Chick stared deeply into my eyes for the first time and smiled. I smiled back but I felt a bit jittery for a brief moment. I picked up my bottle of Legend and took a heavy gulp. Afterwards I felt more comfortable with Chick.
It became all puff n’ pass with ma sexy-as-fuck female companion till about 8pm. I’m sure you can imagine just how high we were after sharing 5 sticks and cancelling our liquor. We were so high that we started talking gibberish and laughing uncontrollably over unfunny things that we saw on TV. It was just when Chick made to lie on her belly in her attempt to get more comfy on the bed that things got really………as my hommie @GMAKGOLDENBOY would put it………….SEZUAL!!!
*staring hard at the huge mountain of arse before me* “Mayne! You no go kill person o you dis geh! Dis your yansh nor get part 2!”. I chuckled hard at my own awkward compliment.
Chick chuckled as well, looked back at me and winked. I then realised I needed not an extra invitation. I suddenly picked my intoxicated-self up and positioned myself above her massive bumbum. First placing a soft peck on each bum-cheek through her denim, I pushed her top up a little to gain access to her waist and upper bum flesh (thanks to her sagging jeans anyway). I then placed some wet kisses on her waist before doing the same to her upper buttocks and Chick responded with “Mmmphhh”
“Just take it off already, will you?” she said to me and turned back to watch Kel’s ‘Give it to you’ featuring W4, while smoking a fresh stick of ganja. I did as instructed and with a little cooperation from her, I successfully had Chick naked in the South. Mayne, you should have seen that big black arse staring hard at me in the face like “Yeah! What you gon’ do now huh?? What you gon’ do with this nigga???”
I seemed confused and lost for a second. I didn’t know where to start from….I didn’t know how to begin. I wasn’t sure of how to challenge and tackle this great and sexy piece of sweet flesh before me but I was certain of one thing though……I JUST HAD TO DO SOMETHING!
Putting my lips back to work, I kissed Chick’s bum-cheeks and waist some more to really put her in the mood and she gave me the go-ahead to take her red G-string off. Now attacking Chick’s bumbum with my lips, she encouraged me by spreading her legs and I instantly sighted a trickle of wetness down her thighs. I grinned in satisfaction…my kisses were paying-off.
With her legs now wide apart, I made to increase Chick’s pleasure. I took my tongue on a licking trip to Chick’s bulging clitoris and flicked that wet muscular tissue on it. Chick squirmed and twitched in pleasure instantly. “Oooooh!” she moaned softly. I flicked and licked some more and I guess Chick couldn’t take it anymore because she tried to turn and lie on her back, but I was having none of that….not just yet!. I wasn’t through with her arse!
Chick didn’t see it coming and neither did I. I guess it was the effect to the combo of weed and stout but I did it anyway. After tonguing Chick’s pussy for a while, I took my mouth back to her monstrous yansh; chewed hard on both butt-cheeks like they were pieces of kpomo and then did the unimaginable……….I STUCK MY TONGUE INTO CHICK’S ARSE-HOLE.
Yeah yeah YEAH! Before you start hating on me, remember that I was already high as fuck. And besides, I tend to do crazy sexual stuff when I’m seriously intoxicated. At least Chick did not fart and her bumbum was not dirty. Besides, my tongue was too numb to taste anything bad/offensive if otherwise….lolz. All I remember is that I did oil her starfish with saliva and lick it. I did that for a minute or two before I went further crazy by sticking my tongue into her butt-hole. Chick liked it sha. I had her going “Ooooh!....Awwhhh….Tssssss……Sssshhhhh….Yessssssss!!!!”.
It got to a point when Chick found the pleasure way too unbearable and forced a turn to turn her titties up with that sexy yansh of hers down. I wasn’t really happy with that decision because I felt like I could kiss, lick and chew on her big and sexy yansh all evening, however, she made a good point………….there were other things requiring my special attention…..lolz.
I proceeded Northwards to suck Chick’s titties and nibble on her nipples. Her medium-sized bobbie were okay in taste but what I really wanted was her yansh. You know like Iyanya nau??? Instead of….
“Your waist….your waist….All I want is your waist”
Mine was………..
“Your yansh…..your yansh…..All I want is your YANSH!”…………lolz
Anyway, I sha sucked Chick’s bobbie o! I later visited her belly-button with my tongue and made her twitch and squeal in ecstasy. But by the time I greeted Chick’s clitoris with my tongue again, I was in deep shit….as in madt, serious trouble.
Na so Chick kon palm my head for dat spot say she nor go free am o! She palmed my head firmly to her pussy as I attacked her clit viciously with my tongue and its ammo – wet and sticky saliva. Chick went GAGA and refused to let me lift my head to breathe….not even for a split second. Choi!!!
After some minutes of hardcore pussy-licking, Chick squirted some cum into my mouth. Damn! That shit was fucking salty. Not so bad though so I swallowed. Next thing you know, Chick heaves a deep breath, rushes at me and yanks off my trousers to reveal my already throbbing cock before positioning her mouth over it.
First giving me a sultry glance, added with a smile, Chick shot out her own tongue and tasted Mr. P’s helmet. She brushed my shaft with her soft tongue and dripped warm saliva over the tip of it before swallowing the whole cap. I shuddered and quivered and I knew Mr. P was definitely in for a good time.
Chick proved herself an expert as she skilfully sucked hard on Mr. P…taking his whole being in her mouth and being gracious enough to avoid using teeth on his nice and smooth body. Though she sucked him with one hand, the blowjob was indeed AMAZING!
Jerking and bobbing her head up and down Mr. P, I felt the pressure build up in me. I felt the cum forming and rising and Chick’s dexterity and alacrity in the use of saliva wasn’t helping my situation in any way.
I quickly snatched Mr. P away from her mouth just when I realised I was about to fuck up. Chick grinned at me. “You were gonna come shey?”
“Yeah babe. That was fucking close”. I said, wiping off some sweat from my forehead and quickly taking-off my T-shirt.
Chick proceeded to surprise me by laying on top of me and ‘infraredding’ my lips with hers. The connection and sensitivity of it was simply both delightful and lovely and I never expected her to actually kiss me knowing fully well where my lips and tongue had been. She obviously didn’t mind though; for she thoroughly French-kissed me, kissing me full and wet on my lips and seizing my tongue with hers.
“Where is your rubber baby?” she asked after 2minutes or so of ‘French-mouthing’.
“It’s there!” I pointed to the second pillow and Chick quickly pushed it aside to reveal a strawberry-flavoured condom that I had kept there. She picked it up and tore it open before covering Mr. P with it. When she was convinced that I was fully ‘protected’, Chick resumed being on top and with one hand, slowly guided Mr. P inside her. I shuddered at the warm feeling I was greeted with and was glad to discover that even though Chick was #TeamPerv, (which created the possibility of her sampling many dicks), she was quite tight.
Chick rode me like an okada o! She just kept bouncing away and talking gibberish. Her “Oomphhh….Yesss baby…..I love how your dick feels in me…..Awww daddy!...Oh yess…oh YESSSSSS!!!” convinced me that she was thoroughly enjoying it and that gave me some satisfaction. Now don’t get me wrong o! I was enjoying her bouncing and grinding on me too but I wasn’t quite satisfied just yet.
Just when I observed Chick squeal out in pleasure, vibrate and hang her head low, it instantly hit me that she had come and I made my move before she began to relax and complain of fatigue.
“Turn around baby! I need that ass to talk durrty to me now” I said while trying to manoeuvre her from the waist. She complied, albeit reluctantly and I seized the moment and wasted no time. Now positioning myself behind Chick with her on both hands and knees, I pushed Mr. P into her tight, wet and slippery cunt and started jerking forward. This was the doggy position and I absolutely loved it for it increased my pleasure and permitted me to watch Chick’s big yansh bounce and vibrate with every thrust I threw…..*perv smile*
I had a jolly good go at Chick’s arse and pounded away silly. Chick was obviously tired from my hardcore pounding as she dragged a pillow and made to rest her head on it. I didn’t blame her though. I’ve been told many times that whenever I assume the doggy position, Mr. P shoots himself far up into the tummy. Chick was probably coping with the pleasure in her cunt and the pain in her belly then. As for me, it was sweet pleasure all the way.
Chick started to holler and scream out things. First it was “Oh Debola! Give it to me! Fuck me! Fuck me harder!” Later, it changed to “Ahhh! Yeeeehhhhh……Arrrgghhh…..You will kill me today o! You WILL KILL ME!!!” She also began to lower herself gently unto the bed and was trying to ruin my doggy style in the process but I would have none of that. I quickly reached for some of the braids on her head, wound them up and tugged….not hard though… just well enough that Chick’s head pulled backwards and she arched up her big yansh again for me to see, enjoy and probably destroy……lolz
Some more hardcore jerking on my part sent Chick into a frenzy. I think she actually got tired of screaming because she took one wicked glance at me and then proceeded to cover her mouth with her right palm. All I heard now was “Mmmmmph….MMMMM…….nnnnnmmmmphhhH!”. I didn’t mind though. I was relishing every feel of her pussy and started to feel the pressure build inside of me.
Four more minutes passed and I could hold myself no longer. I dropped Chick’s hair and let myself go. A second or two before I did though, I caught Chick throw her head back in an unusual manner. It was after I had ejaculated my sweet juice with a deep grunt and took out the rubber that I discovered thick whitish fluid all over it. I mean…, this condom had actually lost its pink colour due to the stuff that came from Chick’s pussy. I just had to confirm and Chick helped me before I even asked.
“Pheew! We came together you know?” she informed me.
“Hmmm….I thought as much baby. I got a little scared when your head jerked back viciously. I feared it was going to snap off your neck.”
Chick giggled and pulled me closer. “Don’t worry dear, ma head is still intact. I don’t know how I ended up coming that way but you sure showed me. You’re a hot stud boy!....You truly rep #TeamPerv!” Chick brushed her lips against mine and shot her tongue into my mouth after that compliment. My head swelled like DAMN!!!
When we got tired of kissing, we cuddled and slept off. You bet that night’s rest was awesome. Trust me, I snored as loudly as my father….lolz.
Anyway, I opened my eyes the next morning to find Chick poring into my face and boring deeply into my eyes with a harmless stare. “Morning baby! Did you sleep well?” she asked as I blinked and covered my mouth for a deep yawn.
“Yeah baby! I sure did. You?”
Chick rubbed my naked chest and pecked me on my forehead. “I slept like a baby, thanks to you dear.” She smiled and I reciprocated. Her morning face didn’t look bad. She was aaaight!.
“So what would you like for breakfast before I take my humble leave?” came the next question; only that this time around, Chick’s hand had left my chest and found its way to my ‘morning wood’ (I mean, which normal guy doesn’t have that?...lolz).
“Wow!….You’d really cook for me before leaving???” I was somewhat astonished.
“Of course hun! I gotta say thank you to Mr. P; that’s what you call him right?; for giving moi a great time last night. You know he gotta feed and replace the lost red blood cells right?”
I was still racking my brain for a witty response when Chick suddenly chipped in “But first, I think he needs me now. Oh just look at him in his stand-still position! I gotta take care of him.” With that, Chick bent over to part the fly in my boxer shorts open and ease out Mr. P. Lowering her head slowly, Chick covered Mr. P’s head with her lips and gently sucked him.
Mayne!.....That was some great morning head I tell ya! Having Mr. P in a female’s mouth so early in the morning was simply fantastic. Chick licked and sucked on Mr. P so good. She nibbled, teased and sucked away like she was trying hard to extract gold from him and she did hit the jackpot indeed. Eventually, Mr. P had no choice but to go from stiff to limp but he didn’t do that without depositing some cum in his host’s mouth.
Chick took every drop of my cum in her mouth. She gave me a funny look and then entertained me by gargling my thick and sweet stuff while creating awkward noises with it. She was having her fun and I was surprised she didn’t mind that it was my ejaculation she was actually playing with inside her own mouth. She sure was a sight to behold doing what she did.
Just when I thought I had seen a solid show, Chick stunned me out of my wits. “Wanna see me do something cool???” she asked still with a mouth full of sperm. I nodded in response and Chick suddenly dashed into the bathroom close-by. Within seconds, she was out and she returned with a toothbrush in hand. Swallowing some of the cum in her mouth, Chick dripped what was left of my cum onto the brush. It wasn’t much but it was enough to fully cover the bristles and stain the floor. I was such in awe of Chick by now because she was just about to do something that I only usually got to see whenever I watched fetish porn.
Just one smile afterwards and Chick blew me away. She lifted the toothbrush to her mouth and began brushing away. Can you fucking believe that??? Chick substituted my cum for toothpaste and brushed her teeth with it. That was plain fucking sexy and watching her do it kinda made me feel like proposing marriage to her on the spot. I was highly tempted but I didn’t actually do it sha. Truly though, it’s not every day you find a girl who delights herself by brushing her teeth with your cum you know? Chick was a rare gem…..she was exceptional!
“Oh my God gurl!.....You are FUCKING AWESOME!” I said to her when I finally found words to spare.
“Thanks dearie” she said whilst still having a brush in her mouth. “You’re gonna blog about this aren’t you???”
“OF COURSE YES!” I mean, who wouldn’t?
Chick giggled, gave me a thumb up and disappeared into the bathroom again. “I’ll make scrambled eggs when through” she hollered from inside. “I think I saw a loaf of bread on the fridge.”
“Yeah! Sure.” I shouted back. Getting up from the bed, I proceeded to the second bathroom with my fully charged mini laptop in left hand……*perv grin*.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Thursday, November 29, 2012
#OOMFF Brushes Her Teeth With CUM??? DAYYYUUMMMM!!!
*perv smile* Mayne y’all won’t believe this! I actually shagged One Of My Female Followers on Twitter (#OOMFF). YIPPEEE!!! It’s the first time something like this is ever happening and trust me; it’s a fucking wonderful feeling.
But pssst!....ssshhh…..she is getting dressed up and ready to take her leave as I write this and I don’t want her to catch me typing, which is why I’m doing so in the bathroom. Though she’s on my #TBPBlogPost Tweet-List and will eventually get to read this post, I don’t want her around while I type ‘cos she just might influence my story and I gotta stay objective on this shit. You feel me shey? KORRECT!
I bet you’re curious about her name though. Right? You want me to tell you shey? I should reveal it plus her handle to you huh? THANK YOU EHN! Mtscheew! If I reveal her identity, how would any other female follower of mine be willing to spread her legs for me ehn??? I’M NOT TELLING YOU JOOR! I still need more female followers to do Shante..Shante…Shante! Shante…Shante…Shante! Sangalow…SANGALOW with That Bloody Pervert….*perv grin*.
In any case, just know that the chick in question reps #TeamPerv. Oh yeah! She reps #TeamKush too so I bet ma hommie @StonerTeam would love to ‘lay’ her. Catch her if you can hommie! Good luck. Lolz…………
Oh by the way! I realise I’m supposed to be serving you ‘Angelina and the Blowjob Scam Part 3’ but this is a truly special moment for me and I just need to share the story with y’all before I go on to finish that story. Nor vex ehn? All in good time.
Now here’s how it all started. You know I’ve been blogging since August right? Well, this chick stumbled on one of my posts, left me an anonymous comment and followed me. I followed back instantly because I’m also with #TeamFollowBack (incase you didn’t know). Next thing you know, chick and I began exchanging Direct Messages (DMs). We did that for a while and when she read my recent ‘The Chick on the Ride Home’, she contacted me via DM again.
Chick: Heyy…..I saw your post. I enjoyed reading it too. But em…are you really back in Lagos?
Me: Heyyyy….Yeah. How’ve you been gurl?
Chick: Fine. Thanks. Welcome back to Lasgidi
Me: Yay! Thanks! *smile*
Chick: Lol. What are you ‘Yaying’ for? You’re so funny.
Me: Lolz…..Don’t mind me jare. You know how playful I get sometimes?
Chick: Yeah. Sure. Anyway, em..am I free to ask you a question?
Me: Er…Sure! *scratches head*…Go ahead.
Chick: Do you actually have sex all the time? You talk about sex so much on your blog and even though you say some of your posts are fictional, you must like sex so much to have that kind of imagination. #Justsaying.
Me: Lolz….Gurl, you crack me up for sure. First of all…..(Not GO DOWN LOW O!...Lolz)…I don’t talk strictly sex on my blog. I talk music and subtle humour too. Secondly, though I actually jerk-off more than I do have sex, I sure love to have sex all the time…IF I CAN ACTUALLY. Though I’m more of a ‘Wankstar’ than a Pornstar, I regard myself as a nympho and I think about sex all the time, which is why my imagination runs wild enough to write about it often. I hope you’re satisfied with this response?
Chick: Hmmn…I see. And em…*GRIN* not quite! Are you on BBM?
Me: *rubs chin* Nah gurl! I rep #TeamNokia….lolz….Wanna gimme your pin?
Chick: SMH…..You are so funny mehn! And yeah I wanted to but you ain’t got a BB. Was thinking I could give you a little welcome-home treat for #TeamPerv’s sake but………………….
Me: CHEI! *rubs ballz* Little treat?? Em…em…I got Whatsapp on my Nokia though. How about you?
Chick: Lol…That dead app??? I used to have it on my BB but not anymore mehn!
Me: C’mon nau! That app ain’t as dead as you think. Why can’t you just download it temporarily for my sake ehn? C’mon gurl! Do it for my sake ehn? Do it for That Bloody Pervert. *perv smile*
Chick: Looool….You are so funny boy. You sure do WANT THIS though and I appreciate that. Okay, I hear ya. On one condition though!
Me: CHOI! *scratches head* em…what???
Chick: Do you do ‘Kush’??? I love to smoke-up before having sex. The feeling is always greater for me that way.
Me: *perv smile* Of course I do kush. Don’t know how to roll up though but I love me some haze.
Chick: Lol *smile* That’s alright then. I roll-up real good. Is Wednesday good for you?
Me: Any day is good for us baby….ANYDAY!
Chick: Fine then. Wednesday it is! You better get your A-game ready. I like a guy who practises what he preaches. (P.S – I saw your new pic on Facebook. CUTE!!!)
Me: *perv grin* Oh I’ma come through for you honey! You bet! Thanks and long live #TeamPerv!
Chick: Loool……LMAO….Cool! I’ll ping…sorry whatsapp you later….lol. And yeah! Long live #TeamPerv!...SMH
And that was how I successfully set P with this chick. Later on, I kept imagining how excited my hommie @StonerTeam would have been in my shoes. Weed and Sex??? Mayne that’s an awesome combination! But then, I suddenly remembered dad now came home at irregular hours from work and I couldn’t possibly let him catch me in the act. Not sex but weed smoking. For where? Im go just KILL ME DIE! Lolz……
An idea instantly hit me. A quite familiar idea anyway. I quickly put a call through to my older brother.
Me: Egbon I hail o! Abeg you go dey house on Wednesday? I wan come visit you.
Bro: Em….no actually. I go dey on my shift. I’ll be free on Friday though. Why don’t you visit then and we’ll go out and get you your usual? Legend Nigga! Hahaha!!!
Me: Cool bro but CHOI! Friday?? Choi! Em…abeg does T. Rex (my immediate younger brother) still have your spare key?
Bro: Huh? Come o! Dis one wey you dey “Choi” up and down so and asking for spare key. You don get another package wey you wan climb for my crib again abi? The key is with me o! Debola when you go change nau???
Me: Ah! Forget that one for now egbon. Change ke? Wo! Leave matter! And em…yes o! I get person wey wan visit me on Wednesday.
Bro: OHO! I see. So you really didn’t intend to visit me in the first place. You just wan use my crib fuck woman again?
Me: Ahn-ahn! No be so bro! Relax nau! I just wanted to kill two birds with one stone nau! Nor vex.
Bro: I hear you o! Me wey get the crib sef. I never fuck woman ontop my bed reach you. You almost flattened my mattress with that skinny Tope girl the last time. I have a new one now but sorry….you ain’t gon’ fuck on it. Hahahaha!
Me: Egbon, why you dey do me like this nau! Me sef go get my own bachelor pad someday o! God go soon bless me o! No worry, I no go let you fuck woman ontop my own bed when I get my place and e go pain you because na water-bed I go buy.
Bro: I hear you. I no kuku fuck reach you before. Nothing do you.
Me: Ehn..ehn! No wahala nau! I go call Rez ask if im own bonk go free then.
Bro: Hahahaha…..Na konji and woman go kill you! Was just joking joor. Of course T. Rex still has my spare key. Pick it up from him and ABEG…Sofri-sofri ontop my new mattress o! ABEG!
Me: Yayy! Sure egbon. We go do am small-small. Haha! Thanks! You tha best!
Bro: I hear you. Make I continue my work abeg before dem kon sack me. Later mehn!
Me: Okay. Thanks again. Love you!!! Haha!
Bro: You no well….gay muthafucker!….COMMOT FOR MY PHONE JARE! Mtscheew!
AND THE CRIB WAS SETTLED! YAY!!! I picked up the keys from my younger bro later that night and lied to my dad that I wanted to keep my egbon’s company from Wednesday till Friday at his place, adding that he would be off work then. Dad obliged and I was glad. By the next morning, I was off to the pad to prepare….*wink*
Yesterday morning, I got a Whatsapp message from ‘Chick’ asking if our ‘deal’ was still on to which I replied “Yes”. I sent her an address quickly and she promised to visit in the afternoon. Now ehn? I normally do 100 push-ups every morning but on this particular morning, I did 185. I wanted to make it 200 but mehn!....My hand bin nearly break o! Nor be small tin! Lolz…..
All through that morning, I kept tweeting my ‘Angelina Part 2’ blogpost link to my buddies repping #TeamPerv (including chick of course). I got good tweet comments from them too and that sincerely put me in high spirits. I even tweeted about Chick’s impending visit and asked my #TeamPerv mates if it was okay to blog about the sexcapade before ‘Angelina Part 3’ but none of them responded. Only @StonerTeam responded to my tweet about kushing up with Chick. Ma nigga, if you’re reading this, mayne this chick is definitely #TeamKush. We saluted Hades together in madt purple haze before descending upon ourselves. I’ma get to that part soon. *wink*. #NoHomo.
At about 3:47pm, Chick called to alert me that she was already at the bus stop and I should come pick her up as soon as possible. I quickly put on my Sean John T-shirt and walked briskly to meet her. Upon getting there…..GOSH! I mean WHAT DA FUCK???
I really couldn’t believe my eyes when I set them on her. Even all the okada men there were struggling to get her on their bikes. “Fine girl…fine girl, come make I carry you go any street wey you dey go” they kept bellowing. I couldn’t help but grant my jaw permission to drop and I stood to ogle at her from a short distance. Chick finally saw me and smiled. Mr. P quickly did Celine Dion and sang ‘I’m Alive’ instantly.
I approached her when I finally got myself together and my jaw was intact. All the okada men on seeing Chick and I stare, assess and embrace each other, got the message. “Ah! Oga…oga, make I carry you and madam. Make una come” came the new chant. I paid no attention to them at first, not because I’m a snub but because I was still thanking God and taking my time to fully take Chick’s view in. I needed to digest that sight because Chick was looking way hotter than how she appears in her avi or other Twitter pictures. Though she had a nice black T-shirt with the inscription ‘Like What You See? Ask For My Account No.’ on a tight-fitting pair of blue denim, All I could really see was her yansh. Her hair was nicely braided and she was a bit dark in complexion with an averagely pretty face, yet all that really caught my attention was her big bumbum. She looked about 5”7 ft tall with straight legs and feet buried in a white and black pair of peep-toe shoes but I couldn’t help but stare at her fantastic looking derriere. Even her jugs/titties/bobbie seemed medium-sized but I could care less really. Her big and heavy ‘Bakassi’ firmly secured my attention and had my gaze on lock-down, simply because I’m a very big fan of yansh. Yep! Word!.
“Well are you impressed?” I broke the silence between us followed by an innocent smile.
“Yeah. Sure! How about you?”
“Gurl, you have not the faintest of ideas. I could fucking do you right here and right now in front of everyone.” I ended up sharing a laugh with her at my own joke.
“You’re so funny and I like that. Taofeek right? Oh sorry! TBP please take me to your place. It’s so hot out here.”
“Right ma’am! Your wish is my command.” I tried to sound warm, polite and friendly. We rode on two separate bikes home simply because I feared Chick’s big yansh would not grant me enough space to sit behind her.
Once at home, I led Chick into my bro’s room where the television was already showing some music videos from SoundCity. Chick wasted no time in jumping onto the bed and on the new mattress.
“Nice! I like this mattress. It has a very soft feel. Is this where we’ll be practising what you preach?”
“Well yeah and thanks. It’s quite new though. Em…may I make a confession?”
“Go ahead. What’s on your mind?” she reached for a pillow, placed it against the wall and rested her back on it.
“I love your bumbum….Er…sorry. I meant your backside. It’s very sexy.”
Chick giggled. “You mean it’s very big and tempting right? Thanks for the compliment sha. I get that a lot. Don’t worry nau! *takes my right hand and places it in hers* you’ll get to relish it soon.” And she winked.
Mayne! Those words of hers drove me crazy. Infact Mr. P was already throbbing inside my trousers. I couldn’t wait for the action that was to come……I JUST COULDN’T WAIT!!!.....................................(To Be Concluded Tomorrow……I PROMISE!!!)
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
But pssst!....ssshhh…..she is getting dressed up and ready to take her leave as I write this and I don’t want her to catch me typing, which is why I’m doing so in the bathroom. Though she’s on my #TBPBlogPost Tweet-List and will eventually get to read this post, I don’t want her around while I type ‘cos she just might influence my story and I gotta stay objective on this shit. You feel me shey? KORRECT!
I bet you’re curious about her name though. Right? You want me to tell you shey? I should reveal it plus her handle to you huh? THANK YOU EHN! Mtscheew! If I reveal her identity, how would any other female follower of mine be willing to spread her legs for me ehn??? I’M NOT TELLING YOU JOOR! I still need more female followers to do Shante..Shante…Shante! Shante…Shante…Shante! Sangalow…SANGALOW with That Bloody Pervert….*perv grin*.
In any case, just know that the chick in question reps #TeamPerv. Oh yeah! She reps #TeamKush too so I bet ma hommie @StonerTeam would love to ‘lay’ her. Catch her if you can hommie! Good luck. Lolz…………
Oh by the way! I realise I’m supposed to be serving you ‘Angelina and the Blowjob Scam Part 3’ but this is a truly special moment for me and I just need to share the story with y’all before I go on to finish that story. Nor vex ehn? All in good time.
Now here’s how it all started. You know I’ve been blogging since August right? Well, this chick stumbled on one of my posts, left me an anonymous comment and followed me. I followed back instantly because I’m also with #TeamFollowBack (incase you didn’t know). Next thing you know, chick and I began exchanging Direct Messages (DMs). We did that for a while and when she read my recent ‘The Chick on the Ride Home’, she contacted me via DM again.
Chick: Heyy…..I saw your post. I enjoyed reading it too. But em…are you really back in Lagos?
Me: Heyyyy….Yeah. How’ve you been gurl?
Chick: Fine. Thanks. Welcome back to Lasgidi
Me: Yay! Thanks! *smile*
Chick: Lol. What are you ‘Yaying’ for? You’re so funny.
Me: Lolz…..Don’t mind me jare. You know how playful I get sometimes?
Chick: Yeah. Sure. Anyway, em..am I free to ask you a question?
Me: Er…Sure! *scratches head*…Go ahead.
Chick: Do you actually have sex all the time? You talk about sex so much on your blog and even though you say some of your posts are fictional, you must like sex so much to have that kind of imagination. #Justsaying.
Me: Lolz….Gurl, you crack me up for sure. First of all…..(Not GO DOWN LOW O!...Lolz)…I don’t talk strictly sex on my blog. I talk music and subtle humour too. Secondly, though I actually jerk-off more than I do have sex, I sure love to have sex all the time…IF I CAN ACTUALLY. Though I’m more of a ‘Wankstar’ than a Pornstar, I regard myself as a nympho and I think about sex all the time, which is why my imagination runs wild enough to write about it often. I hope you’re satisfied with this response?
Chick: Hmmn…I see. And em…*GRIN* not quite! Are you on BBM?
Me: *rubs chin* Nah gurl! I rep #TeamNokia….lolz….Wanna gimme your pin?
Chick: SMH…..You are so funny mehn! And yeah I wanted to but you ain’t got a BB. Was thinking I could give you a little welcome-home treat for #TeamPerv’s sake but………………….
Me: CHEI! *rubs ballz* Little treat?? Em…em…I got Whatsapp on my Nokia though. How about you?
Chick: Lol…That dead app??? I used to have it on my BB but not anymore mehn!
Me: C’mon nau! That app ain’t as dead as you think. Why can’t you just download it temporarily for my sake ehn? C’mon gurl! Do it for my sake ehn? Do it for That Bloody Pervert. *perv smile*
Chick: Looool….You are so funny boy. You sure do WANT THIS though and I appreciate that. Okay, I hear ya. On one condition though!
Me: CHOI! *scratches head* em…what???
Chick: Do you do ‘Kush’??? I love to smoke-up before having sex. The feeling is always greater for me that way.
Me: *perv smile* Of course I do kush. Don’t know how to roll up though but I love me some haze.
Chick: Lol *smile* That’s alright then. I roll-up real good. Is Wednesday good for you?
Me: Any day is good for us baby….ANYDAY!
Chick: Fine then. Wednesday it is! You better get your A-game ready. I like a guy who practises what he preaches. (P.S – I saw your new pic on Facebook. CUTE!!!)
Me: *perv grin* Oh I’ma come through for you honey! You bet! Thanks and long live #TeamPerv!
Chick: Loool……LMAO….Cool! I’ll ping…sorry whatsapp you later….lol. And yeah! Long live #TeamPerv!...SMH
And that was how I successfully set P with this chick. Later on, I kept imagining how excited my hommie @StonerTeam would have been in my shoes. Weed and Sex??? Mayne that’s an awesome combination! But then, I suddenly remembered dad now came home at irregular hours from work and I couldn’t possibly let him catch me in the act. Not sex but weed smoking. For where? Im go just KILL ME DIE! Lolz……
An idea instantly hit me. A quite familiar idea anyway. I quickly put a call through to my older brother.
Me: Egbon I hail o! Abeg you go dey house on Wednesday? I wan come visit you.
Bro: Em….no actually. I go dey on my shift. I’ll be free on Friday though. Why don’t you visit then and we’ll go out and get you your usual? Legend Nigga! Hahaha!!!
Me: Cool bro but CHOI! Friday?? Choi! Em…abeg does T. Rex (my immediate younger brother) still have your spare key?
Bro: Huh? Come o! Dis one wey you dey “Choi” up and down so and asking for spare key. You don get another package wey you wan climb for my crib again abi? The key is with me o! Debola when you go change nau???
Me: Ah! Forget that one for now egbon. Change ke? Wo! Leave matter! And em…yes o! I get person wey wan visit me on Wednesday.
Bro: OHO! I see. So you really didn’t intend to visit me in the first place. You just wan use my crib fuck woman again?
Me: Ahn-ahn! No be so bro! Relax nau! I just wanted to kill two birds with one stone nau! Nor vex.
Bro: I hear you o! Me wey get the crib sef. I never fuck woman ontop my bed reach you. You almost flattened my mattress with that skinny Tope girl the last time. I have a new one now but sorry….you ain’t gon’ fuck on it. Hahahaha!
Me: Egbon, why you dey do me like this nau! Me sef go get my own bachelor pad someday o! God go soon bless me o! No worry, I no go let you fuck woman ontop my own bed when I get my place and e go pain you because na water-bed I go buy.
Bro: I hear you. I no kuku fuck reach you before. Nothing do you.
Me: Ehn..ehn! No wahala nau! I go call Rez ask if im own bonk go free then.
Bro: Hahahaha…..Na konji and woman go kill you! Was just joking joor. Of course T. Rex still has my spare key. Pick it up from him and ABEG…Sofri-sofri ontop my new mattress o! ABEG!
Me: Yayy! Sure egbon. We go do am small-small. Haha! Thanks! You tha best!
Bro: I hear you. Make I continue my work abeg before dem kon sack me. Later mehn!
Me: Okay. Thanks again. Love you!!! Haha!
Bro: You no well….gay muthafucker!….COMMOT FOR MY PHONE JARE! Mtscheew!
AND THE CRIB WAS SETTLED! YAY!!! I picked up the keys from my younger bro later that night and lied to my dad that I wanted to keep my egbon’s company from Wednesday till Friday at his place, adding that he would be off work then. Dad obliged and I was glad. By the next morning, I was off to the pad to prepare….*wink*
Yesterday morning, I got a Whatsapp message from ‘Chick’ asking if our ‘deal’ was still on to which I replied “Yes”. I sent her an address quickly and she promised to visit in the afternoon. Now ehn? I normally do 100 push-ups every morning but on this particular morning, I did 185. I wanted to make it 200 but mehn!....My hand bin nearly break o! Nor be small tin! Lolz…..
All through that morning, I kept tweeting my ‘Angelina Part 2’ blogpost link to my buddies repping #TeamPerv (including chick of course). I got good tweet comments from them too and that sincerely put me in high spirits. I even tweeted about Chick’s impending visit and asked my #TeamPerv mates if it was okay to blog about the sexcapade before ‘Angelina Part 3’ but none of them responded. Only @StonerTeam responded to my tweet about kushing up with Chick. Ma nigga, if you’re reading this, mayne this chick is definitely #TeamKush. We saluted Hades together in madt purple haze before descending upon ourselves. I’ma get to that part soon. *wink*. #NoHomo.
At about 3:47pm, Chick called to alert me that she was already at the bus stop and I should come pick her up as soon as possible. I quickly put on my Sean John T-shirt and walked briskly to meet her. Upon getting there…..GOSH! I mean WHAT DA FUCK???
I really couldn’t believe my eyes when I set them on her. Even all the okada men there were struggling to get her on their bikes. “Fine girl…fine girl, come make I carry you go any street wey you dey go” they kept bellowing. I couldn’t help but grant my jaw permission to drop and I stood to ogle at her from a short distance. Chick finally saw me and smiled. Mr. P quickly did Celine Dion and sang ‘I’m Alive’ instantly.
I approached her when I finally got myself together and my jaw was intact. All the okada men on seeing Chick and I stare, assess and embrace each other, got the message. “Ah! Oga…oga, make I carry you and madam. Make una come” came the new chant. I paid no attention to them at first, not because I’m a snub but because I was still thanking God and taking my time to fully take Chick’s view in. I needed to digest that sight because Chick was looking way hotter than how she appears in her avi or other Twitter pictures. Though she had a nice black T-shirt with the inscription ‘Like What You See? Ask For My Account No.’ on a tight-fitting pair of blue denim, All I could really see was her yansh. Her hair was nicely braided and she was a bit dark in complexion with an averagely pretty face, yet all that really caught my attention was her big bumbum. She looked about 5”7 ft tall with straight legs and feet buried in a white and black pair of peep-toe shoes but I couldn’t help but stare at her fantastic looking derriere. Even her jugs/titties/bobbie seemed medium-sized but I could care less really. Her big and heavy ‘Bakassi’ firmly secured my attention and had my gaze on lock-down, simply because I’m a very big fan of yansh. Yep! Word!.
“Well are you impressed?” I broke the silence between us followed by an innocent smile.
“Yeah. Sure! How about you?”
“Gurl, you have not the faintest of ideas. I could fucking do you right here and right now in front of everyone.” I ended up sharing a laugh with her at my own joke.
“You’re so funny and I like that. Taofeek right? Oh sorry! TBP please take me to your place. It’s so hot out here.”
“Right ma’am! Your wish is my command.” I tried to sound warm, polite and friendly. We rode on two separate bikes home simply because I feared Chick’s big yansh would not grant me enough space to sit behind her.
Once at home, I led Chick into my bro’s room where the television was already showing some music videos from SoundCity. Chick wasted no time in jumping onto the bed and on the new mattress.
“Nice! I like this mattress. It has a very soft feel. Is this where we’ll be practising what you preach?”
“Well yeah and thanks. It’s quite new though. Em…may I make a confession?”
“Go ahead. What’s on your mind?” she reached for a pillow, placed it against the wall and rested her back on it.
“I love your bumbum….Er…sorry. I meant your backside. It’s very sexy.”
Chick giggled. “You mean it’s very big and tempting right? Thanks for the compliment sha. I get that a lot. Don’t worry nau! *takes my right hand and places it in hers* you’ll get to relish it soon.” And she winked.
Mayne! Those words of hers drove me crazy. Infact Mr. P was already throbbing inside my trousers. I couldn’t wait for the action that was to come……I JUST COULDN’T WAIT!!!.....................................(To Be Concluded Tomorrow……I PROMISE!!!)
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Angelina & A Blowjob Scam (Part 2)
(A 50% Fiction, 50% Factual Story)
Hey you! *smile*. Wasup? Your bloody perv is back so without any further ado, ON WITH THE STORY!.....................HAHA!
Yeah! So you already know Angelina aka Angie Baby was already warming her way into T. Money’s lustful heart right? You already know she was pressing her slim and sexy body hard against his right? You probably guess that while she was gumming her plump bobbie against his hard chest, T. Money’s dick was charging and swelling with hot blood right? What else do you know then? Ehn??? Relax nau! No allow your own blood dey hot ehn? Lemme gist you…..Lolz.
While T. Money was enjoying free ‘current tapping’ from Angie Baby, I, General Yong and the other fella watched the ‘blue film’ that was taking place as our guy squeezed her sexy waist and pressed her yansh WELLA with his strong hands. Infact ehn, the way he kept squeezing that yansh got me scared that small ‘poo-poo’ would actually come out of it…lolz. And I don’t know about them guys o but me? Mayne ma dick was throbbing and screaming ANGELINA YANSH NA THE BEST WAY TO FUCK A PRICK!.....Lolz.
After the seemingly unending tapping came negotiation following T. Money’s “I wanna take you home baby gurl” and Angie Baby agreed to 3grand as payment for the service to be rendered. I’m sure she got a little scared when she realised her patron had some male company and that made her ask “Wait o! Shey na all of una wan fuck me? 3k no good for dat kain package o!”
T. Money laughed and quipped in his yankee accent “What? You mean you can take all of us? Mayne we are all able-bodied men gurl! Fully hot-blooded guys for that matter. You’d just die baby.”
Angelina seemed undaunted though. “Ah oga dat one na lie o! I reash to take all of una nau! Look me well nau! *turns round and flaunts her breasts and yansh* If una go pay my fee, I go fuck una sotey una go respect me. Me na Angie Baby naa!”
“Oh really? And how much would that be?” General Yong asked.
“10k” came her response with a straight face but T. Money would have none of that.
“You berra go get one of your friends gurl! Two of you will be fine. That’s how I want it.”
“Ehen? Okay nau! No problem. I dey come abeg ehn? Make una nor waka leave me o!” she begged and dashed inside the pub. By the time she was out, Angie was in the company of one yellow-pawpaw like that. The hoe had one funny-looking ‘shuku’ on her head and I couldn’t help but get offended by the sight of her big belly. Though she had a big arse, I just didn’t feel her at all. She looked like she had literally swallowed a crate of ‘Udeme’….lolz.
“Ah!” The General himself spoke now. “This one na racism nau! Chai!”
I was curious so I asked him “My General, whish one be racism again o?”
“Broda, you no see as dis geh yellow like Angie ni? Na racism be dat nau! Na chocolate geh im suppose don carry come so that e go be black and yellow…black and yellow….black and yellow!” Yong chuckled at his own humour and I followed suit.
“YEAH! AHAN! YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!” I rapped instantly.
“Black and yellow…black and yellow…black and yellow!” chorused all the fellas and we burst into a roaring alcoholic laughter.
Angelina and her friend stood there morose, watching us like statues with confused faces. They didn’t get the joke and I could swear they weren’t familiar with Wiz Khalifa’s popular song. They were probably the Flavour and Sunny Nneji type (no offense guys).
Shuku Big Belly broke the laughter though, “Ehn…make we dey go naa!” to which T. Money quickly responded, “Alright then! I hope your girlfriend has already told you how much we’re willing to pay?”
“Yes oga, make we dey go abeg. E don dey late”.
We all got into the Range and T. Money wheeled the machine out of the pub and into the streets. Soon enough, we were already on the express and on our way to the crib. On the way though, things got really funny, yet frustrating for General Yong.
Gen. Yong: *squeezing Shuku’s buttocks* Come, make I feel you small.
Shuku: *frowns seriously and pushes Yong’s hand away from her yansh* Ahn-ahn! Which one be dis nau? You nor go wait make we reash house before you start to dey press my bodi anyhow???
Gen. Yong: *frowns in return* Wetin dey worry you nau? Shey I nor fit sample you again ni?
(Everyone else in the car chuckles and turns to watch the drama except T. Money who is risking our safety by fondling Angie’s breasts while driving….smh)
Shuku: No be only sample, na Ekwe. Abeg, you carry me to fuck so wait till we reash house. If we reash, WE GO FUCK.
Gen. Yong: Come, wetin dey worry you sef? Na where you from even come?
Shuku: Na your village I from come nau. Nothing dey worry me o! I no kon know if anything dey worry you. *hisses*
Me: Eh! Na wa o! Angie, whish kain friend you carry follow us naa???
Angie: *still enjoying T. Money’s smooching*… *laughs*…Na my friend o! No mind am. Na so she take dey follow person play.
Gen. Yong: *enraged now*…Which kain yeye play be dat? Look you dis girl *faces Shuku* E be like say suntin dey worry you and e nor possible make you come from ma place because people from my place nor dey do ashewo work. *hisses*
Shuku: *enraged as well*…EHN??? Who be ashawo? WHO YOU DEY CALL ASHAWO???
Me: OH OH!
Gen. Yong: You dey craze ni? Wetin kon be your work nau?
Shuku: Look Mr. man, I be HUZZLER you hear? I nor be ashawo. Na your sisters for house be ashawo!!!. *hisses*
(Mayne, you should have been there to see my guy’s face just then. It was fucking red with hot blood.)
Gen. Yong: WHAT!!! T. Money abeg pull over. Dis idiot nor fit follow us reach house o! Ehn? Me? Na me you dey open your dirty mouth dey follow talk like dat abi? You know who I be??? I go thruway you for inside bush now and nothing go happen.
(You bet Shuku didn’t keep quiet at that. She insulted my one and only General who got more and more angry. More hot words were exchanged and it took the serious efforts of Angelina, myself, T. Money and the other dude in the ride to calm things down before we arrived home.
Hmmn…..WHEN WE ARRIVED HOME NKO? That was when my own drama started………………………………..(To Be Continued).
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Hey you! *smile*. Wasup? Your bloody perv is back so without any further ado, ON WITH THE STORY!.....................HAHA!
Yeah! So you already know Angelina aka Angie Baby was already warming her way into T. Money’s lustful heart right? You already know she was pressing her slim and sexy body hard against his right? You probably guess that while she was gumming her plump bobbie against his hard chest, T. Money’s dick was charging and swelling with hot blood right? What else do you know then? Ehn??? Relax nau! No allow your own blood dey hot ehn? Lemme gist you…..Lolz.
While T. Money was enjoying free ‘current tapping’ from Angie Baby, I, General Yong and the other fella watched the ‘blue film’ that was taking place as our guy squeezed her sexy waist and pressed her yansh WELLA with his strong hands. Infact ehn, the way he kept squeezing that yansh got me scared that small ‘poo-poo’ would actually come out of it…lolz. And I don’t know about them guys o but me? Mayne ma dick was throbbing and screaming ANGELINA YANSH NA THE BEST WAY TO FUCK A PRICK!.....Lolz.
After the seemingly unending tapping came negotiation following T. Money’s “I wanna take you home baby gurl” and Angie Baby agreed to 3grand as payment for the service to be rendered. I’m sure she got a little scared when she realised her patron had some male company and that made her ask “Wait o! Shey na all of una wan fuck me? 3k no good for dat kain package o!”
T. Money laughed and quipped in his yankee accent “What? You mean you can take all of us? Mayne we are all able-bodied men gurl! Fully hot-blooded guys for that matter. You’d just die baby.”
Angelina seemed undaunted though. “Ah oga dat one na lie o! I reash to take all of una nau! Look me well nau! *turns round and flaunts her breasts and yansh* If una go pay my fee, I go fuck una sotey una go respect me. Me na Angie Baby naa!”
“Oh really? And how much would that be?” General Yong asked.
“10k” came her response with a straight face but T. Money would have none of that.
“You berra go get one of your friends gurl! Two of you will be fine. That’s how I want it.”
“Ehen? Okay nau! No problem. I dey come abeg ehn? Make una nor waka leave me o!” she begged and dashed inside the pub. By the time she was out, Angie was in the company of one yellow-pawpaw like that. The hoe had one funny-looking ‘shuku’ on her head and I couldn’t help but get offended by the sight of her big belly. Though she had a big arse, I just didn’t feel her at all. She looked like she had literally swallowed a crate of ‘Udeme’….lolz.
“Ah!” The General himself spoke now. “This one na racism nau! Chai!”
I was curious so I asked him “My General, whish one be racism again o?”
“Broda, you no see as dis geh yellow like Angie ni? Na racism be dat nau! Na chocolate geh im suppose don carry come so that e go be black and yellow…black and yellow….black and yellow!” Yong chuckled at his own humour and I followed suit.
“YEAH! AHAN! YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!” I rapped instantly.
“Black and yellow…black and yellow…black and yellow!” chorused all the fellas and we burst into a roaring alcoholic laughter.
Angelina and her friend stood there morose, watching us like statues with confused faces. They didn’t get the joke and I could swear they weren’t familiar with Wiz Khalifa’s popular song. They were probably the Flavour and Sunny Nneji type (no offense guys).
Shuku Big Belly broke the laughter though, “Ehn…make we dey go naa!” to which T. Money quickly responded, “Alright then! I hope your girlfriend has already told you how much we’re willing to pay?”
“Yes oga, make we dey go abeg. E don dey late”.
We all got into the Range and T. Money wheeled the machine out of the pub and into the streets. Soon enough, we were already on the express and on our way to the crib. On the way though, things got really funny, yet frustrating for General Yong.
Gen. Yong: *squeezing Shuku’s buttocks* Come, make I feel you small.
Shuku: *frowns seriously and pushes Yong’s hand away from her yansh* Ahn-ahn! Which one be dis nau? You nor go wait make we reash house before you start to dey press my bodi anyhow???
Gen. Yong: *frowns in return* Wetin dey worry you nau? Shey I nor fit sample you again ni?
(Everyone else in the car chuckles and turns to watch the drama except T. Money who is risking our safety by fondling Angie’s breasts while driving….smh)
Shuku: No be only sample, na Ekwe. Abeg, you carry me to fuck so wait till we reash house. If we reash, WE GO FUCK.
Gen. Yong: Come, wetin dey worry you sef? Na where you from even come?
Shuku: Na your village I from come nau. Nothing dey worry me o! I no kon know if anything dey worry you. *hisses*
Me: Eh! Na wa o! Angie, whish kain friend you carry follow us naa???
Angie: *still enjoying T. Money’s smooching*… *laughs*…Na my friend o! No mind am. Na so she take dey follow person play.
Gen. Yong: *enraged now*…Which kain yeye play be dat? Look you dis girl *faces Shuku* E be like say suntin dey worry you and e nor possible make you come from ma place because people from my place nor dey do ashewo work. *hisses*
Shuku: *enraged as well*…EHN??? Who be ashawo? WHO YOU DEY CALL ASHAWO???
Me: OH OH!
Gen. Yong: You dey craze ni? Wetin kon be your work nau?
Shuku: Look Mr. man, I be HUZZLER you hear? I nor be ashawo. Na your sisters for house be ashawo!!!. *hisses*
(Mayne, you should have been there to see my guy’s face just then. It was fucking red with hot blood.)
Gen. Yong: WHAT!!! T. Money abeg pull over. Dis idiot nor fit follow us reach house o! Ehn? Me? Na me you dey open your dirty mouth dey follow talk like dat abi? You know who I be??? I go thruway you for inside bush now and nothing go happen.
(You bet Shuku didn’t keep quiet at that. She insulted my one and only General who got more and more angry. More hot words were exchanged and it took the serious efforts of Angelina, myself, T. Money and the other dude in the ride to calm things down before we arrived home.
Hmmn…..WHEN WE ARRIVED HOME NKO? That was when my own drama started………………………………..(To Be Continued).
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
Friday, November 23, 2012
The Chick On The Ride Home
Heyyy……*covers face in shame*. Okay, okay….*sigh* I’ll just spill it out now – I’M SORRY! I swear it was my step-bro who prevented me from posting this before now! He didn’t even let me take a bath upon my arrival. He just whisked me away to our neighbourhood pub and seriously dealt with me with stout and suya. By the time we got back home, I was too tipsy to even locate the ‘ON’ knob on my computer so I slept off jejely. Nor vex abeg!
And oh yeah! My bad again. I know you’re most likely expecting me to continue the tale about ‘Angelina’ right now. I wanna do so too but like I said in one of my tweets the day before yesterday, I just gotta share with you what happened to me on the ride home. Some funny and pervy shit it is I tell ya! Lolz………….
So, it so happened that I boarded a public vehicle at Challenge Roundabout in Ibadan, like I normally do anyway. This time though, I opted for a nice-looking Toyota Sienna to give my long legs some extra room. I regarded the extra N500 as a worthy sacrifice and worthy it truly ended up being…..*smile*. Allow me explain.
You see, after confirming that the vehicle was actually going to get to my stop, I asked a fella with deeply-cut facial marks who was already seated by the window side in the middle if the school bag next to him belonged to another passenger and he nodded in reply. I then proceeded to the back seat and got comfortable. Oh how I fumed with anger when this tribal-marked muthafucker carried the bag and placed it on his laps to encourage a pretty-looking female corper to take her seat beside him. That school bag had belonged to the idiot the whole time. Such buffoonery!
“But guy, I asked you if that seat was already taken and you said yes.”
“Ehn…yes. What happen is that somebody is told me to keep the space for her that she is go to buy something and that she is come back soon.” The idiot said.
“Ehen! So you’re supposed to be keeping that space for someone yet you kindly allowed this young lady take the seat? What then will you tell that person when she returns?” I tried to probe the fool further and unintentionally ended up getting the innocent corper’s attention.
“Em…excuse me but has this seat already been taken?” she asked. She and I then threw our stares at the ma’fucker. Although, while hers was the innocent curiosity stare, mine was the one of annoyance.
“Ah! No o! Em…you see, that person have take a long time to come back sef. I don’t think she is want to come back again”. Mayne!....I just couldn’t help but shake my head at this point and one elderly man in the front seat threw a sweet jibe at the fool to make me feel better and him, remorseful.
“My friend, don’t mind him ojere. He was probably saving that seat for somebody with breasts”.
Papa and I with another middle-aged looking woman sitting beside the driver’s seat suddenly burst out in laughter over that hilarious remark. “Papa must be #TeamPerv” I thought right after, but don’t worry….. I didn’t ask him if he was on Twitter…..Lolz.
I must confess though that our pretty corper wasn’t quite amused by the joke. She knew the joke was about her and her soon-to-be trip partner and she scrunched up her face immediately. “Abeg o! Shey na me send am message make she get bobbie ni? Na she sabi.” I knew there was hardly anyway ma idiotic friend would be getting any positive attention from her now and I laughed….only now, on the inside.
We were just two passengers short for a drive-off now and while I decided to kill time by listening to music with my cute earphones, ‘fight-lion’ brother was struggling to redeem his wounded pride. He kept brandishing his probably London-used Blackberry Bold 2 till I suspected he was desperate to show-off his pinging-gadget to his female nation-serving companion and probably get the much desired attention from her. All that changed though when she brought out her own brand new Blackberry Curve 7. The fool just gently ceased waving his phone about, took out his own earpiece and copied me in listening to whatever music he had on his phone……most likely music from Osupa Saheed…..Lolz.
I relaxed and sat back there for a while not knowing something cool was coming my way and when it finally did some five minutes later, it came in the form of another pretty young thing…..YES! A another female….*wink*.
“Hello. May I please join you?” she asked me in a soft and sweet voice.
Gladly, my music wasn’t turned up so loud so I heard her. “Sure. Why not?” I replied with a straight face. Trust me though, it wasn’t easy doing that with an unconcerned face because this chick was definitely pleasant to the sight. In her yellow top and brown skinny jeans, she looked beautiful. Her face was really quite pretty and it was partly covered by strands of her rich and shiny black hair. Although she had slightly large ears, her green eyes, small nose and thin lips gave her face a pleasant look but it was actually her body that got the most of my attention. I very much appreciated her flat looking tummy, curvy hips and big backside despite being quite slim. And oh yeah! She had a nice chest. Her medium sized titties jutted out from her top with the inscription “You think I’m beautiful? I think I’m beyond it *smile*”.
Though I was sexually attracted to her, I made up my mind not to give a fuck or act overly friendly during the journey. I already knew what chicks who thought they were beautiful did to male admirers. They were usually full of themselves once they suspected a dude was interested in being friendly. I wasn’t going to ‘send’ her. I was going to listen to my music all the way till I got to my stop.
‘Fight-lion’ fool proved to be even more foolish now. Though he already had a female companion by his side, he kept throwing and stealing glances at my neighbour’s way. His situation got so pathetic when he asked her for the time and I simply shook my head in disgust. “Shey na the two gehs im wan set P with ni??? Ode buruku!
The last passenger came finally and after we all filled in the necessary information on a register, we set off immediately for Lagos. I smiled inside. “Lasgidi her I come!” and that was just when cool shit started happening to me….lolz.
15 minutes into the drive, my pretty-looking neighbour brought out a pack containing fried rice and chicken as well as a bottle of Mirinda from her bag. I was still listening to music while she took her meal out but I saw her. I didn’t even bother to give her a glance because I was determined to mind my own business all through the journey. The fool in front of us however, kept straining his neck to give back glances at her as if he had never seen rice and chicken before in his life and I pitied him. “Na woman go kill you, dis guy” I said to myself and changed the track on my Westlife playlist. Don’t mind me o! I was in a Westlife mood then. It had been very long since I listened to any of the band’s songs.
A gentle tap on the shoulder got me pausing ‘When you’re looking like that’ and facing the pretty neighbour. “Would you like to join me?” she asked with a very tempting smile. If by ‘join me’, she meant join her in massaging her lips with mine, I would have gladly screamed YES! However I was certain she meant eating so I declined politely.
“Em…thank you but I’m fine. You’re very kind though” and I gave her a warm, friendly smile. She nodded in response and continued eating while I went back to Westlife, not knowing she wasn’t through with me just yet……not just yet…..lolz.
I caught her pick up her chicken, take a bite out of it and place it back onto her plastic plate before tapping me on the shoulder again. I paused ‘Loneliness’ and turned to my left to face her again.
“Do pardon me for disturbing your pleasure. It just suddenly hit me. Why did you say I was very kind please?”
“Well..em…it was only polite that I said that you know? Not many people would be willing to share their meals of fried rice and tasty-looking chicken with a total stranger in a public vehicle.” I smiled again and pretty neighbour chuckled.
“Wow! You’re funny. Tasty looking chicken indeed. It’s only chicken you know? No big deal!” and she chuckled again.
“Well, I’m sorry but chicken is a big deal where I rep. Some of us only get to eat that once a week at Madam Turkey’s joint.”
Pretty neighbour was obviously digging my subtle humour for she laughed hard this time. “Madam Turkey’s joint? Where in the world is that and do pardon me for prying but where do you actually rep so I can play my part in helping the needy and make chicken not so a big deal?” she giggled this time and I guessed she secretly hoped I didn’t find that offensive. I didn’t anyway ‘cos I knew she was only trying to be friendly with this fine and nice looking young man…..lolz.
I faked a laugh before saying “Dearest Madam Turkey’s joint is somewhere in Challenge. The boys visit there strictly on Sundays. I rep Barracks Hostel by the way and you sure you’re serious about helping the needy? I don’t think it’s a wise choice o!” I tried to humour her some more.
“But why?”
“Well, first of all, Barracks Hostel is a notorious place. Secondly, with a body like yours, you might end up being the chicken and being feasted on.” I struggled with myself not to laugh so hard after that silly comment.
“Are you passing me a compliment by any chance? And my body? What’s wrong with it?”
“Yes and oh no! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Matter of fact, if you came to serve me chicken in my hostel, I’d be the first to hit that.” I winked afterwards.
I’m so fucking glad pretty neighbour didn’t take it the wrong way. Giving me a look of amazement with a dropped jaw, she said “Oh my! You’re such a perv!”
Oh how ecstatic I was upon hearing that. I grinned like a child and said “Why, thank you so damn much. That’s a real compliment.”
“Gosh! You regard being called a pervert a compliment?” You’re so funny.
“Gurl, you can’t understand, trust me.”
“Oh really? Make me then!”
“Nah! It’s kinda complicated. I doubt that you’d talk to me again if I did.”
“Oh pretty please!” she squealed. “Try me”.
“Okay! But remember, I warned you.” She smiled and I proceeded to log into my Twitter account. I went straight to my favourites and gave her my phone. It didn’t take long before her jaw dropped again and she looked at me suspiciously.
“Oh my God! I can’t believe what I’m seeing. This is nonsense from the top all the way down. Even your name is so sick. Oh my! You truly pride yourself in being a perv, don’t you?” She quickly passed my phone back and shook her head. I wasn’t quite sure if she did that in disgust or pity.
“Don’t mind me jare! That’s simply me for you.” I smiled at her.
“I sure can see that. Goodluck to you I guess. I could have easily followed you on Twitter but with what I’ve seen…HELL NO! *chuckles*. Em…yeah! You mentioned staying in a hostel. Do you study at U.I?”
“HEY! Take a chill pill gurl!” I started. “Don’t you think you know so much about me already? I mean, I don’t even know anything about you yet and that ain’t fair.” I tried to fake a frown and it worked.
“Oh I’m so sorry” she tendered. “My name is Folake and I just started my training at Zenith Bank. I just got the job and I live in Lagos but will be relocating to Ibadan soon. So there! Do tell me where you school now please?”
“LeadCity University” I said proudly and with a smile.
“Oh really? Nice! Em..course and level please?” she asked again.
“Mass communication. 700 level” I chuckled at that.
“Huh? 700 level??? There’s no such thing in any Nigerian University nau! Be serious joor!” She put up a frown now and that made me laugh some more.
“I’m dead serious gurl! 700 level is the code name for Master’s class in LCU. 600 for post graduate diploma 800 for M.Phil and 900 for Ph.D.”
“Really? Wow! That’s interesting.” She said. She then proceeded to ask me more questions about school and I did the same about hers and work so there would be no cheating….lolz
When all the questions had been asked and answered, she permitted me to go back to my music. That didn’t take long however because I had only listened to one more track before she tapped me again.
"Where are we now please?" she asked.
“Er...I'm not sure really but gurl, I sincerely don’t mean to be rude but this is the third time you’ve tapped me temptingly. May I do some tapping of my own?”
She laughed hard upon hearing this and said “So you want to retaliate abi? Okay. Go ahead.” I’m sure she expected me to touch her on her shoulder but I ended up surprising her by rubbing her right lap. Mayne! That feel of her thick thigh was awesome and I instantly felt Mr. P come alive.
“What!...What do you think you’re doing young man? My shoulder is up here!” she protested.
“Yeah I know but this is how I actually prefer to revenge. You chose my shoulder….I choose your sexy thigh.”
She quickly brushed my hand off her thigh and said “Boy, you need deliverance, trust me.”
“Indeed I do. How would you like to deliver me then? We can do it privately you know? Just you, I and Mr. P.”
“And who’s that?” she asked.
“Oh! That’s my little friend here.” I pointed to my pants to let her see the bulge that had formed there. She seemed flabbergasted.
“Do you get turned on so easily or do you just find me sexually attractive?” she pored into my eyes and asked.
“Well, both I must confess.” I smiled yet again.
“I see. So if you and I were to hook-up tonight, what exactly would you do to me?”
“Well that’s easy” here, take I said, handing her my earphones. As soon as she plugged them into her ears, I reduced the volume and played Westlife’s - ‘Lay my love on you’.
“Huh? You mean you would lay your love on me??? But we’re not in love you know?”
“Of course not! I made you listen to that song for a reason. Now here’s exactly what I’ll do to you dear”. I winked at her and began singing…………………………….
I’ll lay ma rod on you
It’s all I wanna do
And once I do, I swear you’ll feel brand new
Please open up your thighs……show me wetness so I can run my rod right through………..
And watch me lay ma ROD ON YOU!!!
Folake got the message. We couldn’t hook-up that same night but we’ll be doing so tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
And oh yeah! My bad again. I know you’re most likely expecting me to continue the tale about ‘Angelina’ right now. I wanna do so too but like I said in one of my tweets the day before yesterday, I just gotta share with you what happened to me on the ride home. Some funny and pervy shit it is I tell ya! Lolz………….
So, it so happened that I boarded a public vehicle at Challenge Roundabout in Ibadan, like I normally do anyway. This time though, I opted for a nice-looking Toyota Sienna to give my long legs some extra room. I regarded the extra N500 as a worthy sacrifice and worthy it truly ended up being…..*smile*. Allow me explain.
You see, after confirming that the vehicle was actually going to get to my stop, I asked a fella with deeply-cut facial marks who was already seated by the window side in the middle if the school bag next to him belonged to another passenger and he nodded in reply. I then proceeded to the back seat and got comfortable. Oh how I fumed with anger when this tribal-marked muthafucker carried the bag and placed it on his laps to encourage a pretty-looking female corper to take her seat beside him. That school bag had belonged to the idiot the whole time. Such buffoonery!
“But guy, I asked you if that seat was already taken and you said yes.”
“Ehn…yes. What happen is that somebody is told me to keep the space for her that she is go to buy something and that she is come back soon.” The idiot said.
“Ehen! So you’re supposed to be keeping that space for someone yet you kindly allowed this young lady take the seat? What then will you tell that person when she returns?” I tried to probe the fool further and unintentionally ended up getting the innocent corper’s attention.
“Em…excuse me but has this seat already been taken?” she asked. She and I then threw our stares at the ma’fucker. Although, while hers was the innocent curiosity stare, mine was the one of annoyance.
“Ah! No o! Em…you see, that person have take a long time to come back sef. I don’t think she is want to come back again”. Mayne!....I just couldn’t help but shake my head at this point and one elderly man in the front seat threw a sweet jibe at the fool to make me feel better and him, remorseful.
“My friend, don’t mind him ojere. He was probably saving that seat for somebody with breasts”.
Papa and I with another middle-aged looking woman sitting beside the driver’s seat suddenly burst out in laughter over that hilarious remark. “Papa must be #TeamPerv” I thought right after, but don’t worry….. I didn’t ask him if he was on Twitter…..Lolz.
I must confess though that our pretty corper wasn’t quite amused by the joke. She knew the joke was about her and her soon-to-be trip partner and she scrunched up her face immediately. “Abeg o! Shey na me send am message make she get bobbie ni? Na she sabi.” I knew there was hardly anyway ma idiotic friend would be getting any positive attention from her now and I laughed….only now, on the inside.
We were just two passengers short for a drive-off now and while I decided to kill time by listening to music with my cute earphones, ‘fight-lion’ brother was struggling to redeem his wounded pride. He kept brandishing his probably London-used Blackberry Bold 2 till I suspected he was desperate to show-off his pinging-gadget to his female nation-serving companion and probably get the much desired attention from her. All that changed though when she brought out her own brand new Blackberry Curve 7. The fool just gently ceased waving his phone about, took out his own earpiece and copied me in listening to whatever music he had on his phone……most likely music from Osupa Saheed…..Lolz.
I relaxed and sat back there for a while not knowing something cool was coming my way and when it finally did some five minutes later, it came in the form of another pretty young thing…..YES! A another female….*wink*.
“Hello. May I please join you?” she asked me in a soft and sweet voice.
Gladly, my music wasn’t turned up so loud so I heard her. “Sure. Why not?” I replied with a straight face. Trust me though, it wasn’t easy doing that with an unconcerned face because this chick was definitely pleasant to the sight. In her yellow top and brown skinny jeans, she looked beautiful. Her face was really quite pretty and it was partly covered by strands of her rich and shiny black hair. Although she had slightly large ears, her green eyes, small nose and thin lips gave her face a pleasant look but it was actually her body that got the most of my attention. I very much appreciated her flat looking tummy, curvy hips and big backside despite being quite slim. And oh yeah! She had a nice chest. Her medium sized titties jutted out from her top with the inscription “You think I’m beautiful? I think I’m beyond it *smile*”.
Though I was sexually attracted to her, I made up my mind not to give a fuck or act overly friendly during the journey. I already knew what chicks who thought they were beautiful did to male admirers. They were usually full of themselves once they suspected a dude was interested in being friendly. I wasn’t going to ‘send’ her. I was going to listen to my music all the way till I got to my stop.
‘Fight-lion’ fool proved to be even more foolish now. Though he already had a female companion by his side, he kept throwing and stealing glances at my neighbour’s way. His situation got so pathetic when he asked her for the time and I simply shook my head in disgust. “Shey na the two gehs im wan set P with ni??? Ode buruku!
The last passenger came finally and after we all filled in the necessary information on a register, we set off immediately for Lagos. I smiled inside. “Lasgidi her I come!” and that was just when cool shit started happening to me….lolz.
15 minutes into the drive, my pretty-looking neighbour brought out a pack containing fried rice and chicken as well as a bottle of Mirinda from her bag. I was still listening to music while she took her meal out but I saw her. I didn’t even bother to give her a glance because I was determined to mind my own business all through the journey. The fool in front of us however, kept straining his neck to give back glances at her as if he had never seen rice and chicken before in his life and I pitied him. “Na woman go kill you, dis guy” I said to myself and changed the track on my Westlife playlist. Don’t mind me o! I was in a Westlife mood then. It had been very long since I listened to any of the band’s songs.
A gentle tap on the shoulder got me pausing ‘When you’re looking like that’ and facing the pretty neighbour. “Would you like to join me?” she asked with a very tempting smile. If by ‘join me’, she meant join her in massaging her lips with mine, I would have gladly screamed YES! However I was certain she meant eating so I declined politely.
“Em…thank you but I’m fine. You’re very kind though” and I gave her a warm, friendly smile. She nodded in response and continued eating while I went back to Westlife, not knowing she wasn’t through with me just yet……not just yet…..lolz.
I caught her pick up her chicken, take a bite out of it and place it back onto her plastic plate before tapping me on the shoulder again. I paused ‘Loneliness’ and turned to my left to face her again.
“Do pardon me for disturbing your pleasure. It just suddenly hit me. Why did you say I was very kind please?”
“Well..em…it was only polite that I said that you know? Not many people would be willing to share their meals of fried rice and tasty-looking chicken with a total stranger in a public vehicle.” I smiled again and pretty neighbour chuckled.
“Wow! You’re funny. Tasty looking chicken indeed. It’s only chicken you know? No big deal!” and she chuckled again.
“Well, I’m sorry but chicken is a big deal where I rep. Some of us only get to eat that once a week at Madam Turkey’s joint.”
Pretty neighbour was obviously digging my subtle humour for she laughed hard this time. “Madam Turkey’s joint? Where in the world is that and do pardon me for prying but where do you actually rep so I can play my part in helping the needy and make chicken not so a big deal?” she giggled this time and I guessed she secretly hoped I didn’t find that offensive. I didn’t anyway ‘cos I knew she was only trying to be friendly with this fine and nice looking young man…..lolz.
I faked a laugh before saying “Dearest Madam Turkey’s joint is somewhere in Challenge. The boys visit there strictly on Sundays. I rep Barracks Hostel by the way and you sure you’re serious about helping the needy? I don’t think it’s a wise choice o!” I tried to humour her some more.
“But why?”
“Well, first of all, Barracks Hostel is a notorious place. Secondly, with a body like yours, you might end up being the chicken and being feasted on.” I struggled with myself not to laugh so hard after that silly comment.
“Are you passing me a compliment by any chance? And my body? What’s wrong with it?”
“Yes and oh no! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Matter of fact, if you came to serve me chicken in my hostel, I’d be the first to hit that.” I winked afterwards.
I’m so fucking glad pretty neighbour didn’t take it the wrong way. Giving me a look of amazement with a dropped jaw, she said “Oh my! You’re such a perv!”
Oh how ecstatic I was upon hearing that. I grinned like a child and said “Why, thank you so damn much. That’s a real compliment.”
“Gosh! You regard being called a pervert a compliment?” You’re so funny.
“Gurl, you can’t understand, trust me.”
“Oh really? Make me then!”
“Nah! It’s kinda complicated. I doubt that you’d talk to me again if I did.”
“Oh pretty please!” she squealed. “Try me”.
“Okay! But remember, I warned you.” She smiled and I proceeded to log into my Twitter account. I went straight to my favourites and gave her my phone. It didn’t take long before her jaw dropped again and she looked at me suspiciously.
“Oh my God! I can’t believe what I’m seeing. This is nonsense from the top all the way down. Even your name is so sick. Oh my! You truly pride yourself in being a perv, don’t you?” She quickly passed my phone back and shook her head. I wasn’t quite sure if she did that in disgust or pity.
“Don’t mind me jare! That’s simply me for you.” I smiled at her.
“I sure can see that. Goodluck to you I guess. I could have easily followed you on Twitter but with what I’ve seen…HELL NO! *chuckles*. Em…yeah! You mentioned staying in a hostel. Do you study at U.I?”
“HEY! Take a chill pill gurl!” I started. “Don’t you think you know so much about me already? I mean, I don’t even know anything about you yet and that ain’t fair.” I tried to fake a frown and it worked.
“Oh I’m so sorry” she tendered. “My name is Folake and I just started my training at Zenith Bank. I just got the job and I live in Lagos but will be relocating to Ibadan soon. So there! Do tell me where you school now please?”
“LeadCity University” I said proudly and with a smile.
“Oh really? Nice! Em..course and level please?” she asked again.
“Mass communication. 700 level” I chuckled at that.
“Huh? 700 level??? There’s no such thing in any Nigerian University nau! Be serious joor!” She put up a frown now and that made me laugh some more.
“I’m dead serious gurl! 700 level is the code name for Master’s class in LCU. 600 for post graduate diploma 800 for M.Phil and 900 for Ph.D.”
“Really? Wow! That’s interesting.” She said. She then proceeded to ask me more questions about school and I did the same about hers and work so there would be no cheating….lolz
When all the questions had been asked and answered, she permitted me to go back to my music. That didn’t take long however because I had only listened to one more track before she tapped me again.
"Where are we now please?" she asked.
“Er...I'm not sure really but gurl, I sincerely don’t mean to be rude but this is the third time you’ve tapped me temptingly. May I do some tapping of my own?”
She laughed hard upon hearing this and said “So you want to retaliate abi? Okay. Go ahead.” I’m sure she expected me to touch her on her shoulder but I ended up surprising her by rubbing her right lap. Mayne! That feel of her thick thigh was awesome and I instantly felt Mr. P come alive.
“What!...What do you think you’re doing young man? My shoulder is up here!” she protested.
“Yeah I know but this is how I actually prefer to revenge. You chose my shoulder….I choose your sexy thigh.”
She quickly brushed my hand off her thigh and said “Boy, you need deliverance, trust me.”
“Indeed I do. How would you like to deliver me then? We can do it privately you know? Just you, I and Mr. P.”
“And who’s that?” she asked.
“Oh! That’s my little friend here.” I pointed to my pants to let her see the bulge that had formed there. She seemed flabbergasted.
“Do you get turned on so easily or do you just find me sexually attractive?” she pored into my eyes and asked.
“Well, both I must confess.” I smiled yet again.
“I see. So if you and I were to hook-up tonight, what exactly would you do to me?”
“Well that’s easy” here, take I said, handing her my earphones. As soon as she plugged them into her ears, I reduced the volume and played Westlife’s - ‘Lay my love on you’.
“Huh? You mean you would lay your love on me??? But we’re not in love you know?”
“Of course not! I made you listen to that song for a reason. Now here’s exactly what I’ll do to you dear”. I winked at her and began singing…………………………….
I’ll lay ma rod on you
It’s all I wanna do
And once I do, I swear you’ll feel brand new
Please open up your thighs……show me wetness so I can run my rod right through………..
And watch me lay ma ROD ON YOU!!!
Folake got the message. We couldn’t hook-up that same night but we’ll be doing so tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Yours truly,
That Bloody Pervert
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