DAMN!!! Some niggas are just UNBELIEVABLE! I mean mayne, this shit be like CRAZY. Just when I used to hold the opinion that them hoes be mean and wicked as fuck for making them brothas feel bad about sex, it fucking turns out that them niggas have now gotten even and successfully flipped the script on these bitches.
Anyway, I really can’t blame ‘em. Technology is that shit right thurr that has really messed up the beautiful essence and meaning of sex. Sex which used to be a very pleasurable and enjoyable act of intimacy has now been reduced to nothing but triviality, all thanks to advancement, invention and innovation…..SMH
Regardless of this shit though, I’m gonna keep it real and take sex seriously. I’m sure there are peeps out there who are very much like me and respect its essence and I hope that these are the folks I’ll be messing with in the future. I just can’t stand peeps who fail to regard sex as a beautiful and committed art.
Enough blabbing already huh??? I know you think I’m yapping my mouth off right about now, but read on and you’ll get a clearer picture of what I’m saying.
You see, I very much dislike the fact that technology has made sex seem so boring, banal and trivial to many. Many peeps out there don’t recognise the sensual power within it and fail to appreciate its lovely art. This is probably why many married folks cannot boast of happy sex lives and others only use sex as a tool, strictly for procreation. Shit is even more pitiable that some bitches have never achieved orgasm and will never get to experience what it means to be in ‘Cloud 9’. Damn! This shit deep as fuck and I’m greatly touched. I mean, imagine what it would be like for a man to never ‘come’ in his lifetime….never to have a taste of heaven, grunt “Urgh!” and climax by spurting out a gob of cum. Mayne…that’s some fucked up shit right thurr.
However, I know that behind every issue lies a history. On the real, I gat no beef whatsoever with the white man or his inventions but I think his technology came with some real fucked-up shortcomings. In this case, I wanna express myself and point out just how technology affects sex…..I mean GOOD SEX.
In 1440, some white brother named Gutenberg invented PRINTING and that bitch produced a whole lotta babies that hoes used in showing their displeasure against good sex. When some nigga be trying his best to please a bitch by beating up that pussy real good, that bitch would choose the wrong time to embrace technology and pick up a newspaper, magazine or novel to read in her attempt to communicate to her nigga that he either wasn’t hitting the spot or his dick was just too fucking small to make her feel shit. You see how technology became a barrier to good sex? Shiddddd!
In 1876, another white brother named Graham Bell decided to add a little more frustration to good sex and invented the TELEPHONE. Though this kinda made booty calls possible, it ended up fucking-up REAL and enjoyable shagging because some folks soon abandoned real-time pleasurable boning for…wait for it….PHONE SEX! WTF!!! I really can’t imagine how any nigga or hoe would be satisfied with plain phone-sex. Though I’ve been made to understand that one could actually cum by touching him/herself during dirty, sexual talk over the phone but I think that shit is all messed-up.
AND NOW!!! My fresh beef lies with RIM/BlackBerry. Since PINGING was introduced in 1999 by the gang behind Research In Motion, sex took on a whole new meaning and became a different ball game entirely. Pinging succeeded in making sex much more complicated and complex. Now I know people now combine pinging with a lot of stuff like eating, taking a shit, reading etc but what the fuck is pinging DURING SEX???
I hung out with my hommies for a little while today and while we gossiped about gurls, them idiots suddenly brought up pinging during sex. Mayne, I swear…that shit burned me. As in, I was fucking irritated.
The fools even went as far as narrating how they ping during sex and I felt like punching all of ‘em on their noses. This is what actually went down…………….
ME: Guys, na wa o! See that chick for there wey dey waka kon dey ping. If she kon fall inside gutter nko?
1ST FOOL: Ahn-ahn! Na lie joor! How she go take fall nau? Na something wey people dey do wella. No be biggie at all o! Na normal thing.
ME: Ehen? Na normal thing abi? Okay o! I just pray make motor nor go jam the geh o!
2nd FOOL: Jam ke? Nothing fit happen. BB users nowadays dey combine pinging with many things like walking, eating, reading, shitting (laughs)…er………
ME: Fucking too abi? Person dey combine pinging with fucking abi? (I laugh)
(My hommies pause at this comment to look at one another, shake their heads and burst into laughter)
ME: Ahn-ahn! What’s funny now?
3rd FOOL: See this guy o! That one na normal thing nau! I dey fuck chick dey ping join o! Nothing dey there nau!
1st FOOL: Abi? Wetin be the big deal if person ping while im dey fuck. Me, I dey do am wella. I dey even like doggy position because e no go allow the chick wey I dey blow from back know say I dey use my phone dey chat.
ME: WHAT DA FUCK!!! Shey una dey play abi una dey serious???
2nd FOOL: Guy, open ya eye o! Na so e dey go. Me sef dey ping untop woman naa! Na normal thing these days. Even chicks dey do am too.
ME: Lord! I swear, I never hear dis shit before. Pinging during doggy? Pinging during my favourite position?? Pinging during sex??? How then do you guys enjoy the sex?
THE 3 FOOLS TOGETHER: Enjoy what??? (Shake their heads again and roar loudly in another round of laughter)
(I leave them with disgust, pity and surprise and head for the hostel where my laptop awaits in my room.)
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