#OOMFF Brushes Her Teeth With CUM??? DAYYYUUMMMM!!!

*perv smile* Mayne y’all won’t believe this! I actually shagged One Of My Female Followers on Twitter (#OOMFF). YIPPEEE!!! It’s the first time something like this is ever happening and trust me; it’s a fucking wonderful feeling.

But pssst!....ssshhh…..she is getting dressed up and ready to take her leave as I write this and I don’t want her to catch me typing, which is why I’m doing so in the bathroom. Though she’s on my #TBPBlogPost Tweet-List and will eventually get to read this post, I don’t want her around while I type ‘cos she just might influence my story and I gotta stay objective on this shit. You feel me shey? KORRECT!

I bet you’re curious about her name though. Right? You want me to tell you shey? I should reveal it plus her handle to you huh? THANK YOU EHN! Mtscheew! If I reveal her identity, how would any other female follower of mine be willing to spread her legs for me ehn??? I’M NOT TELLING YOU JOOR! I still need more female followers to do Shante..Shante…Shante! Shante…Shante…Shante! Sangalow…SANGALOW with That Bloody Pervert….*perv grin*.

In any case, just know that the chick in question reps #TeamPerv. Oh yeah! She reps #TeamKush too so I bet ma hommie @StonerTeam would love to ‘lay’ her. Catch her if you can hommie! Good luck. Lolz…………

Oh by the way! I realise I’m supposed to be serving you ‘Angelina and the Blowjob Scam Part 3’ but this is a truly special moment for me and I just need to share the story with y’all before I go on to finish that story. Nor vex ehn? All in good time.

Now here’s how it all started. You know I’ve been blogging since August right? Well, this chick stumbled on one of my posts, left me an anonymous comment and followed me. I followed back instantly because I’m also with #TeamFollowBack (incase you didn’t know). Next thing you know, chick and I began exchanging Direct Messages (DMs). We did that for a while and when she read my recent ‘The Chick on the Ride Home’, she contacted me via DM again.

Chick: Heyy…..I saw your post. I enjoyed reading it too. But em…are you really back in Lagos?

Me: Heyyyy….Yeah. How’ve you been gurl?

Chick: Fine. Thanks. Welcome back to Lasgidi

Me: Yay! Thanks! *smile*

Chick: Lol. What are you ‘Yaying’ for? You’re so funny.

Me: Lolz…..Don’t mind me jare. You know how playful I get sometimes?

Chick: Yeah. Sure. Anyway, em..am I free to ask you a question?

Me: Er…Sure! *scratches head*…Go ahead.

Chick: Do you actually have sex all the time? You talk about sex so much on your blog and even though you say some of your posts are fictional, you must like sex so much to have that kind of imagination. #Justsaying.

Me: Lolz….Gurl, you crack me up for sure. First of all…..(Not GO DOWN LOW O!...Lolz)…I don’t talk strictly sex on my blog. I talk music and subtle humour too. Secondly, though I actually jerk-off more than I do have sex, I sure love to have sex all the time…IF I CAN ACTUALLY. Though I’m more of a ‘Wankstar’ than a Pornstar, I regard myself as a nympho and I think about sex all the time, which is why my imagination runs wild enough to write about it often. I hope you’re satisfied with this response?

Chick: Hmmn…I see. And em…*GRIN* not quite! Are you on BBM?

Me: *rubs chin* Nah gurl! I rep #TeamNokia….lolz….Wanna gimme your pin?

Chick: SMH…..You are so funny mehn! And yeah I wanted to but you ain’t got a BB. Was thinking I could give you a little welcome-home treat for #TeamPerv’s sake but………………….

Me: CHEI! *rubs ballz* Little treat?? Em…em…I got Whatsapp on my Nokia though. How about you?

Chick: Lol…That dead app??? I used to have it on my BB but not anymore mehn!

Me: C’mon nau! That app ain’t as dead as you think. Why can’t you just download it temporarily for my sake ehn? C’mon gurl! Do it for my sake ehn? Do it for That Bloody Pervert. *perv smile*

Chick: Looool….You are so funny boy. You sure do WANT THIS though and I appreciate that. Okay, I hear ya. On one condition though!

Me: CHOI! *scratches head* em…what???

Chick: Do you do ‘Kush’??? I love to smoke-up before having sex. The feeling is always greater for me that way.

Me: *perv smile* Of course I do kush. Don’t know how to roll up though but I love me some haze.

Chick: Lol *smile* That’s alright then. I roll-up real good. Is Wednesday good for you?

Me: Any day is good for us baby….ANYDAY!

Chick: Fine then. Wednesday it is! You better get your A-game ready. I like a guy who practises what he preaches. (P.S – I saw your new pic on Facebook. CUTE!!!)

Me: *perv grin* Oh I’ma come through for you honey! You bet! Thanks and long live #TeamPerv!

Chick: Loool……LMAO….Cool! I’ll ping…sorry whatsapp you later….lol. And yeah! Long live #TeamPerv!...SMH

And that was how I successfully set P with this chick. Later on, I kept imagining how excited my hommie @StonerTeam would have been in my shoes. Weed and Sex??? Mayne that’s an awesome combination! But then, I suddenly remembered dad now came home at irregular hours from work and I couldn’t possibly let him catch me in the act. Not sex but weed smoking. For where? Im go just KILL ME DIE! Lolz……

An idea instantly hit me. A quite familiar idea anyway. I quickly put a call through to my older brother.

Me: Egbon I hail o! Abeg you go dey house on Wednesday? I wan come visit you.

Bro: Em….no actually. I go dey on my shift. I’ll be free on Friday though. Why don’t you visit then and we’ll go out and get you your usual? Legend Nigga! Hahaha!!!

Me: Cool bro but CHOI! Friday?? Choi! Em…abeg does T. Rex (my immediate younger brother) still have your spare key?

Bro: Huh? Come o! Dis one wey you dey “Choi” up and down so and asking for spare key. You don get another package wey you wan climb for my crib again abi? The key is with me o! Debola when you go change nau???

Me: Ah! Forget that one for now egbon. Change ke? Wo! Leave matter! And em…yes o! I get person wey wan visit me on Wednesday.

Bro: OHO! I see. So you really didn’t intend to visit me in the first place. You just wan use my crib fuck woman again?

Me: Ahn-ahn! No be so bro! Relax nau! I just wanted to kill two birds with one stone nau! Nor vex.

Bro: I hear you o! Me wey get the crib sef. I never fuck woman ontop my bed reach you. You almost flattened my mattress with that skinny Tope girl the last time. I have a new one now but sorry….you ain’t gon’ fuck on it. Hahahaha!

Me: Egbon, why you dey do me like this nau! Me sef go get my own bachelor pad someday o! God go soon bless me o! No worry, I no go let you fuck woman ontop my own bed when I get my place and e go pain you because na water-bed I go buy.

Bro: I hear you. I no kuku fuck reach you before. Nothing do you.

Me: Ehn..ehn! No wahala nau! I go call Rez ask if im own bonk go free then.

Bro: Hahahaha…..Na konji and woman go kill you! Was just joking joor. Of course T. Rex still has my spare key. Pick it up from him and ABEG…Sofri-sofri ontop my new mattress o! ABEG!

Me: Yayy! Sure egbon. We go do am small-small. Haha! Thanks! You tha best!

Bro: I hear you. Make I continue my work abeg before dem kon sack me. Later mehn!

Me: Okay. Thanks again. Love you!!! Haha!

Bro: You no well….gay muthafucker!….COMMOT FOR MY PHONE JARE! Mtscheew!

AND THE CRIB WAS SETTLED! YAY!!! I picked up the keys from my younger bro later that night and lied to my dad that I wanted to keep my egbon’s company from Wednesday till Friday at his place, adding that he would be off work then. Dad obliged and I was glad. By the next morning, I was off to the pad to prepare….*wink*

Yesterday morning, I got a Whatsapp message from ‘Chick’ asking if our ‘deal’ was still on to which I replied “Yes”. I sent her an address quickly and she promised to visit in the afternoon. Now ehn? I normally do 100 push-ups every morning but on this particular morning, I did 185. I wanted to make it 200 but mehn!....My hand bin nearly break o! Nor be small tin! Lolz…..

All through that morning, I kept tweeting my ‘Angelina Part 2’ blogpost link to my buddies repping #TeamPerv (including chick of course). I got good tweet comments from them too and that sincerely put me in high spirits. I even tweeted about Chick’s impending visit and asked my #TeamPerv mates if it was okay to blog about the sexcapade before ‘Angelina Part 3’ but none of them responded. Only @StonerTeam responded to my tweet about kushing up with Chick. Ma nigga, if you’re reading this, mayne this chick is definitely #TeamKush. We saluted Hades together in madt purple haze before descending upon ourselves. I’ma get to that part soon. *wink*. #NoHomo.

At about 3:47pm, Chick called to alert me that she was already at the bus stop and I should come pick her up as soon as possible. I quickly put on my Sean John T-shirt and walked briskly to meet her. Upon getting there…..GOSH! I mean WHAT DA FUCK???

I really couldn’t believe my eyes when I set them on her. Even all the okada men there were struggling to get her on their bikes. “Fine girl…fine girl, come make I carry you go any street wey you dey go” they kept bellowing. I couldn’t help but grant my jaw permission to drop and I stood to ogle at her from a short distance. Chick finally saw me and smiled. Mr. P quickly did Celine Dion and sang ‘I’m Alive’ instantly.

I approached her when I finally got myself together and my jaw was intact. All the okada men on seeing Chick and I stare, assess and embrace each other, got the message. “Ah! Oga…oga, make I carry you and madam. Make una come” came the new chant. I paid no attention to them at first, not because I’m a snub but because I was still thanking God and taking my time to fully take Chick’s view in. I needed to digest that sight because Chick was looking way hotter than how she appears in her avi or other Twitter pictures. Though she had a nice black T-shirt with the inscription ‘Like What You See? Ask For My Account No.’ on a tight-fitting pair of blue denim, All I could really see was her yansh. Her hair was nicely braided and she was a bit dark in complexion with an averagely pretty face, yet all that really caught my attention was her big bumbum. She looked about 5”7 ft tall with straight legs and feet buried in a white and black pair of peep-toe shoes but I couldn’t help but stare at her fantastic looking derriere. Even her jugs/titties/bobbie seemed medium-sized but I could care less really. Her big and heavy ‘Bakassi’ firmly secured my attention and had my gaze on lock-down, simply because I’m a very big fan of yansh. Yep! Word!.

“Well are you impressed?” I broke the silence between us followed by an innocent smile.

“Yeah. Sure! How about you?”

“Gurl, you have not the faintest of ideas. I could fucking do you right here and right now in front of everyone.” I ended up sharing a laugh with her at my own joke.

“You’re so funny and I like that. Taofeek right? Oh sorry! TBP please take me to your place. It’s so hot out here.”

“Right ma’am! Your wish is my command.” I tried to sound warm, polite and friendly. We rode on two separate bikes home simply because I feared Chick’s big yansh would not grant me enough space to sit behind her.

Once at home, I led Chick into my bro’s room where the television was already showing some music videos from SoundCity. Chick wasted no time in jumping onto the bed and on the new mattress.

“Nice! I like this mattress. It has a very soft feel. Is this where we’ll be practising what you preach?”

“Well yeah and thanks. It’s quite new though. Em…may I make a confession?”

“Go ahead. What’s on your mind?” she reached for a pillow, placed it against the wall and rested her back on it.

“I love your bumbum….Er…sorry. I meant your backside. It’s very sexy.”

Chick giggled. “You mean it’s very big and tempting right? Thanks for the compliment sha. I get that a lot. Don’t worry nau! *takes my right hand and places it in hers* you’ll get to relish it soon.” And she winked.

Mayne! Those words of hers drove me crazy. Infact Mr. P was already throbbing inside my trousers. I couldn’t wait for the action that was to come……I JUST COULDN’T WAIT!!!.....................................(To Be Concluded Tomorrow……I PROMISE!!!)

Yours truly,

That Bloody Pervert